She Ended it as Fast as She Started

I'm going to keep this as short as humanly possible. I'm looking for some thoughts/advice or even if someone can relate to me:

March 2015: we went on a first date after meeting via an online dating site. Instant connection, great date. Within the next two weeks it's clear she really likes me and wants to go further.

April 2015: daily affectionate texts. Spending weekends together. Getting to know each other better. I meet her mom casually. I have reservations because I really like her and want it to work out so I suggest we go slow but she doesn't see it the same. I back off of that because I think maybe I should just take the leap with her. What if this is it? We make it official.

April-May 2015: we talk about a future. She sees me as someone she could do the kids/marriage thing with. She's making plans and wants me there every weekend, even during the week but we live about 45 minutes apart and my job tires me out. I also have good friends and like to maintain my identity outside of my relationship. She has some small issues with this but nothing major. Mainly I'm in bliss and she seems over the moon for me. I'm finally going to get it right!

May 2015: More of the same. Just awesome. I start to notice that she doesn't have much going on outside of me, and work of course. Friends wise I mean. A little issue when I go on my annual trip to Miami with friends but nothing serious at all.

End of May 2015: Holiday weekend. I go back home the night before work the next day instead of leaving for work from her house. She's playfully upset about it. The week goes normally. That Thursday after dinner out, she dumps me stating, "I don't have that giddy feeling anymore."

June 2015: she would go on to say she wasn't over the last guy she dated. Didnt want him back just wasn't over him and she saw him at work a lot. She underplayed that relationship BIG TIME. She said we had something different and SHE HOPED WE FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN. She said that she does this thing where she gets a gross feeling about the guy she's dating. That it's ty and it's not the first time it happened.

July 2015: she no longer wants to keep contact

August 2015: I ask if we can talk about it. We meet at her house and have sex. Then again the next day. She states her feelings are still there and she cant just have casual sex with me like she thought. We agree to think about it apart for the two weeks she was going home for vacation. A week and a half into it I get a text saying that she was seeing an old ex she never mentioned, her feelings were gone, what she said was before he came into her life and she's moved on. That I am not for her!

Fast forward to April 2016: Her bf moves up here to live with her.

July 2016: They are engaged

And here I am still hurt. Still confused. Still with feelings for her. What the heck.

Wow sorry you got caught up in this. Do you think she was on the rebound looking for a whirlwind romance until her ex came back?

It may be time to move on yourself and get on some dating apps to see what girls are out there for you.

she dumps me stating, "I don't have that giddy feeling anymore." A week and a half into it I get a text saying that she was seeing an old ex she never mentioned, her feelings were gone, what she said was before he came into her life and she's moved on.

How rotten! Just be glad this all happened before you were more committed and invested. Time to block her number, social media accounts, and any way you'll cross her path (even online) that you can. If she still manages to reach out to you, ignore her. I only say that, because she seems the type who will as soon as the "new ex" is boring her. Don't be a pawn in her next game. Sorry you're going through this.

You caught her on a rebound. Anyway, I think you dodged a huge bullet with her. There are some major red flags flying in your post. You like to have a normal life, friends and personal space. She is a needy clinger who doesn't have her own life and is probably the type to monkey branch from guy to guy because she can't handle being alone. You two were actually heading for trouble and rough waters ahead, it's just that luckily things ended before it got nasty.

What's troubling more is that it's been over a year now and you are still hung up on this chic. Long past due to let this go. No, she wasn't right and she sure wasn't the one. Block her on all social media and don't ever have contact with her again. Long past due for you to move on and actually find yourself the right girl.

It sounds like way too much transpired in the short amount of time. In other words you went from A-Z without coming up for air. Either way, I'm sorry this happened, but anything that begins this quickly usually fizzles out the same way.

All great points. Breakups trigger abandonment issues for me that have nothing to do with her so yea it's taking me long to move on.

All great points. Breakups trigger abandonment issues for me that have nothing to do with her so yea it's taking me long to move on.

Perhaps that's something to focus on now and work on? Self help books, maybe even finding a good therapist. Life is too short to be stuck in the past like that and think of the missed opportunities while you are stuck. I mean knowing that you have the issue is half the battle, so finish the other half and win it.

Perhaps that's something to focus on now and work on? Self help books, maybe even finding a good therapist. Life is too short to be stuck in the past like that and think of the missed opportunities while you are stuck. I mean knowing that you have the issue is half the battle, so finish the other half and win it.

Currently in therapy which helps. Just wish I could turn off how I feel for her still. For me it's like suspended animation.

Currently in therapy which helps. Just wish I could turn off how I feel for her still. For me it's like suspended animation.

But do you realize that what you are stuck on is a fantasy? It's not really about this particular girl, it's basically what you imagined could be? Wouldn't you rather live in the real world and have something real with someone else? Fantasy = empty cold bed. Anyway, good for you that you are working on that. Truly kudos. Having said that, just maybe get back out there and start going on dates at least. Sometimes it takes actual action to realize that there are other people out there who are actually interested in you to jolt you out of a funk like that.

But do you realize that what you are stuck on is a fantasy? It's not really about this particular girl, it's basically what you imagined could be? Wouldn't you rather live in the real world and have something real with someone else? Fantasy = empty cold bed. Anyway, good for you that you are working on that. Truly kudos. Having said that, just maybe get back out there and start going on dates at least. Sometimes it takes actual action to realize that there are other people out there who are actually interested in you to jolt you out of a funk like that.

In addition to the fantasy aspect I'm trying to take her off of the pedestal. I remember that she said things like I hope we find each other again someday, and I've never said these things to anyone before, etc. What kind of a person says those things and then leaves? Furthermore, says those things, leaves and ends up engaged to someone different.

People say all kinds of things to soften the hurt of breakups. Read through the thread below for some examples similar to this one she gave you.

I remember that she said things like I hope we find each other again someday, and I've never said these things to anyone before, etc. What kind of a person says those things and then leaves?

Yea I see. And it's really messed up.

What she said is basically a variation of let's be friends....which nobody ever means but people often say to soften the blow....

This oddly reminded of a guy I dated briefly. The relationship ended because the friendship connection was missing. Oddly when we were breaking up he went into the whole let's stay friends, blah blah blah.... It was so absurd that I couldn't help but laugh....I mean the lack of friendship was at the very heart of the break up for crying out loud, so why was he feeding me this nonsense? The break up was mutual anyway....... The point is that people will just say stupid stuff to make you feel better, to make themselves feel better, or just out of habit because it's a line they always use. Either way, words are empty unless they are backed by actions. When words and actions are not matching, pay attention to the actions because that's where the truth is. Don't ever get stuck on words alone.

It's interesting how people decide who they want to use and who they want to be honest to and follow through with. I guess she saw me as the former and sees him obviously as the latter.

It's interesting how people decide who they want to use and who they want to be honest to and follow through with. I guess she saw me as the former and sees him obviously as the latter.

lol....what makes you think she doesn't lie to him? You really think tigers change their stripes?

lol....what makes you think she doesn't lie to him? You really think tigers change their stripes?

No. But it's been almost a year they've been together now and they're engaged. It could just be she used me as a rebound and now that she's with the guy she wants it's all good. The guy right before me she had feelings for and dumped me as a result. The guy right after me she's engaged too. I was a stopgap I suppose.

Either way I'm going to keep with therapy and venture into the dating world again. Just bought a house. Great job, educated. I have a lot to offer and I try to get past this. It's tiring and defeating.