afraid of ending up a loser

So I´m in a difficult mindset these days. Well to be honest this has haunted me probably a lot longer.

Short bio

Im a 35 year old entrepreneur. I started as an entrepreneur what I feel like fairly late. I always wanted to start my own company.

But my early twenties were spent traveling and living in France, england, swiss, sweden and denmark. I started university late at 26 finished at 29.

I worked in sales for 3 years and did really well. Then I started my first venture but it was a limeted success. Not failure but not a success.

I tried getting other things off the ground. But 2 years ago I got a company off the ground. Now that being said we are still not able to be secure to pay salaries every month and we are struggling to break through the glass sealing in sales.

But it has major promise. But it still could go bust. If that happens Im trying to look at it as a less expensive master program. haha

I just had my first son 6 weeks ago. Im living with him and my GF in a small apartment.

My fear and what I want to get over is I have a mortal fear of becoming a "never has been" not even a has been. But just never made it.

I try to model my self on Elon musk, Andrew carnegie and other role models. But Im also trying to be happy with being who I´m.

But Im so afraid of becoming a never has been.

This has a lot to do I think about being 35 year old, "broke" and with a company still struggling.

I know I can succeed but Im afraid I will never get the chance or always fall just short.

Im smart IQ 139, Im outgoing and a good salesman and manager. The company went through 2 hard times almost failed but I fixed it.

But still not a success.

I just dont wanna wake up 80 and still not success full money and as a entrepreneur.

so any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

It sounds like your kind of coming to a crossroads. It depends on what you want to do. You can keep on with the company and take the risk, or start looking to get back into sales (or whatever else your background is in.)

There's no shame in doing the latter. Being an "entrepreneur" doesn't work out one hundred percent of the time, and it sounds like you're tying yourself way too much to that specific outcome in that specific role.

Do whatever you think best for your family and yourself.

If you always there for and always good to your son, you can never be a failure.

I'm not sure this will help any, but I would suggest that you don't let business and financial success define you as being a "loser" or not. There are other things in life, other things to be valued in a person - being a good, loving, caring, supportive, loyal boyfriend/husband/father/son/friend/person, especially. I would rather have someone in my life who loves me and makes time for me and who I get enjoyment from being around than someone who is "successful" in a financial sense. I know it doesn't have to be either/or, and I'm not at all suggesting that you fall short in other categories (I wouldn't know, since I don't know you). I'm just suggesting to think about what success in life really means. You could be a garbage man and still not be a "loser."

Don't put so much pressure on yourself also start to define 'success'. material things? a loving new family? happiness? When things get too one dimensional you actually lose focus.

I tried getting other things off the ground. But 2 years ago I got a company off the ground. Now that being said we are still not able to be secure to pay salaries every month and we are struggling to break through the glass sealing in sales.

I just had my first son 6 weeks ago. Im living with him and my GF in a small apartment.

Fully agree, Lost! Success means many things.

And OP, there is nothing, but nothing, worse than fear (mortal fear as you remark), to stand in the way of progress. Fear blinds clarity of thought, and there is a saying "what you fear will find you".

You are not alone. Many like you are struggling in these recessionary times.

Maybe sit down with someone you trust as an advisor and do some brainstorming as regards how you approach things, do some lateral thinking, and above all, some calm thinking.

Fear is a waste of time and emotion, and as already stated above, it can cripple you. Part of success is being able to set fear aside, to overrule it.

Anyway, you say that your business is struggling - why? Do you have realistic growth goals? Sales targets? Are you hitting them? Are your costs too high? Too many employees? Is your product/service defective or something that needs tweaking and updating? What about pricing? Is it competitive?

The key about being successful is that you have to have drive and vision BUT you also have to able to hear and handle constructive criticism, not only handle it but actually seek it out. I literally meet with clients a few times a year for a "what's not working for you" type of a conversation and sometimes they don't want to say either so you have to pull it out of them somehow. The result is that my competition hits a brick wall when they try to take my clients.

Best advice I can give you is forget Carnegie and look at your best and most successful competitors - what are they doing right? What are they doing that you could do better in addition to doing everything else they are doing right, right? Get practical and pragmatic. The road to success really is long and mostly painful. Those who succeed are the ones who persevered through the tough times.

This sounds more about your ego than the actual business. I think that that is the problem. You will not succeed, as you are doing it for the wrong reason: it's about you, not the business.

Why not focus on something you like to do, other than trying to impress the world. Time to be more directed.

The philosophy of epic entrepreneurs: Aristotle Onassis

In his own radical words: "Man must have no idol and the amassing of wealth is one of the worst species of idolatry!" Carnegie held the belief that those with great wealth must be socially responsible and use their assets to help others.

I don't know, but when I read your post I'm pretty impressed with what you HAVE done so far in your life. Well, it certainly is a lot more than many many many people ever achieve (imo). You've travelled extensively (which in itself is really awesome!!), you've started a company and even though it didn't quite reach your expectations, at least you gave it a shot, which is far more than most people do. I think you're way too hard on yourself.

That said, all the posts above have some pretty good ideas. I wish you well.

I love my business the idea is amazing and if it works, which it is just not big enough yet, it can change marketing in the whole world.

But your right. Its my ego in some sense and also afraid of not being a good provider.

But im more up beat today and Im redirecting my thought. I have a healthy boy, a loving gf, I have some money in my pocket, a roof over my head and working on an Idea I love. So it could be worse.

Thats the thing I dont want money to buy a ferrari or a gucci shirt. But I have more ideas to start and I want to help people with their dreams. I want to show kids with epilepsy and dyslexia that they can achieve. I want to build a children's museum for science like I dreamed about having as a kid. But I also wanna provide for my family, take them on vacations and so on. Thats why Andrew Carnegie is one of my heroes. I wanna make my mark on the world. Not as the one with most ferraries but as one that build and created.

I think you should be proud of where you are. You have been braver and more successful than most, in your endeavors. But, as I said before, take the focus off of you. Once you make it all about the business and your employees, you will grow - when an employee feels that their employer is behind them and supportive, they will do their very best.

Focus on your success and the blessing in your life. This is how you get ahead!

I don't know if you have the time, but do you volunteer in your community? This would would be a great way to give back, for now.

This is a small update

My boy is 6 months and just a delight! so cute and funny and growing so fast.

He is awesome and we have been very lucky in the sense he sleeps like an angle since birth. No medical problems and he is happy all the time.

The business is much much better and showing more promise again or the same promise as always but more likely then before.

We are started to get noticed by big players and are expanding hopefully abroad soon. (like 6 month to a year) Trying to put a more realistic goals

Also I started meditating and my only worry now is that if I take a to much bliss/calm relationship with life that I lose my edge as a businessman but I know that´s not true just need to see it as well.

I also have worked on my fear of ending up a loser. My psychiatrist has helped me a lot. Me and my GF also had a talk about it.

Now the way I see it now is worst case is me my company goes bust(which is not likely but still a possibility) I decide not to do this again(which I probably will) and I go to work I had a job "offer" where I was offered a 100k USD a year in pay plus bonuses. And my GF when finished with her job will be in the range of 65-75k usd a year. So worst case for me and her and our family is a nice life.

So all in all that´s not bad. If we are healthy and well with that we are lucky.

But Im gonna keep my goals just more realistic and get this company to a great place. Happy new year everyone

I also took a little recalculation of this year. I have been focusing so much on the fact we hid that speed bump and lost our pay for a couple of months.

But when I look at the big picture we have more then doubled in size and grown more this year then the previous year and half.

Yes we still have a long way to go to be a financial success. But this year wasn't bad, difficult but not bad.

Right now things are moving along more smoothly.

Also I feel alot better