marriage break up

Hi,

Going through a marriage break up.

Wife has kicked me out. Been four weeks now. She has blocked all contact with me except email. That's only to focus discussion of collecting stuff.

Had some time off work, back today.

No kids involved.

I have a daughter from my first marriage.

She stays at weekends.

Just not sure what to do. I know its over.

Just I guess I need to move on.

At my mums at the moment, but have a flat which I move into in October.

Just need some help and advice.

Thanks

Gary

You're not still paying for the old place are you?

Strengthen the bonds with your friends and family members you like, brainstorm a list of the things you enjoy doing and do them, take up a new hobby, one that involves socialising with new people, is there anything you would like to study? Now could be the time to sign up for a class. Remember who you are.

I'm sorry for the loss of the relationship, it's never easy.

What do you need advice on?

What was the reason for the split?

Contact a divorce attorney to discuss your options/next move. Start severing financials.

Going through a marriage break up.Wife has kicked me out. At my mums at the moment, but have a flat which I move into in October.

Hi, thanks for the replies.

Not paying anything for my flat, I own it and was renting it out. I moved into her house and just gave her some money each month towards bills.

No other financial things, I owe her some money, but have already set up a plan to pay her back.

Hopefully we won't need to much help from solicitors.

I am just struggling with all of this. We didn't really argue much and she must felt I didn't show her the love.

I had heart surgery three years ago, not long after we got married, and that set me back so much, still have worries about dying etc.

Have some stuff to collect still from the house, so not sure how to handle this, do I try to rescue it, or just accept it's over.

She ensured me yesterday by email that she would not change her mind.

Nothing from her today.

I have not tried to contact her today.

I have sent texts, phone calls etc. but her I wanted this to work.

Thanks Gary

It's hard to do when you're the one going through it but from the outside looking in, let it go. What if you love each other immensely but over the course of life together it's become apparent you aren't incompatible? You'd be trying to make a rope out of sand.

Hi, thanks for the replies. Totally understand, and it was confirmed with a phone call tonight. She called regarding collecting stuff. We talked for an hour or so, but just see things very differently, just everything that happened. She would say you don't do this, like hold hands or cuddle, ...but I think I did...

Still we both know its over. And we both need to move on.

Was good yo chat, but now to focus on me.

No contact with her apart from collecting my stuff.

Cheers guys

Regards Gary

Hi,

Doing ok.

Been to docs and got Councilling booked through work.

Got to collect final belongings on weds.

Also she is going on holiday in Sept,was booked with me, but she is taking her daughter.

Tough time ahead.

Any advice or just feel free to chat.

Keep my mood up.

Find mornings hard.

Goatjazz

Afternoon...thought I would start a diary of my struggles and day to day mood etc.

Will try to keep this going for a few years.... Maybe more!.

Would be interesting to look back on and lets see lifes journey.

So today:

Not done much at all.... Been feeling pretty flat today, nothing much has happened, been watching the Olympic games, and just chilling.

No contact today..... But have had a few wobbly moments, just feeling flat.

My daughter is away on Germany so this is also hard, can't just pick up the phone.

Still another day tomorrow, and all I can do is take things day by day.

So lets see what tomorrow brings, think I will go to the local car boot sale, see if I can find some bargains for the flat .

Hopefully be moving back to my flat on October.

Staying at my mums at the moment.

Few days off work, then will be back on Tuesday.

Ok, enough so far.

Feel free to join me on my journey of healing and a new life.

Please feel free to post and lets make this journey full on new things, make life great again, find our true loves, live new dreams, make new memories ( good or bad).... Join me for a journey of lifes new beginnings.

Goatjazz xxxx

Keep your eyes open for nice women, chat, make friends, have fun..

So lets see what tomorrow brings, think I will go to the local car boot sale, see if I can find some bargains for the flat

Ok, next installment....

Got up, not feeling to great, but have been to car boot sale. Brought an ironing board and some HOME words made out of wood for my flat.

Not feeling to good tho, nearly sent an email to the ex, just wanted to tell her this is all a mistake.

But didn't send it, I know I will get either nothing or something like leave me alone etc....

So at my mums now, watching golf.

Feeling down.

.........

Hi Gary, mornings are a total sh1t when you're going through this. I had a strategy of the following:

1. A journal to regurgitate my feelings/thoughts as soon as I woke up

2. Go to the gym/walk/run before work. Helped me feel focused and in control.

3. Listen to uplifting meditation/music play lists on YouTube

4. Have someone that I knew would be available to text/phone if I was having a pre-work meltdown

Every day you'll be getting stronger. Even if it's a little bit at a time.

Morning.

So tomorrow I collect my last stuff, going to be really hard.

Been to councillor and have some strategies for coping with it.

Hopefully it will be ok.

Went out last night with an old school friend, female, not seen for 30odd years!.

Was nice to chat and felt like someone was interested in me.

Think we will meet again next week, but I am no where near anything serious lol.

But it was nice to talk and feel that I am not alone in this big lad world of crap!.

Anyways heads up.

Goatjazz

Morning,

I am already a mess, today is going to be horrible.

Already crying, already sent her a text saying I don't want to do this. This could be the last time I ever see her.

Not expecting a reply, so I guess I have to do this, collect my last things....the final goodbye.

Why did it have to come to this.

Life is really rubbish.

Not sure if I can really carry on today.

Help guys.

Morning,

I am already a mess, today is going to be horrible.

Already crying, already sent her a text saying I don't want to do this. This could be the last time I ever see her.

Not expecting a reply, so I guess I have to do this, collect my last things....the final goodbye.

Why did it have to come to this.

Life is really rubbish.

Not sure if I can really carry on today.

Help guys.

😟I know the feeling and pain..i didnt handle it well when i had to pick up -return certain things also..thers nothing wrong with sending the text you sent. It may make you feel a bit worse if you dont get a responce but at this point i think its really becomming real and is sinking in hard..my ex just moved also..he only lived down the street from me..he was living at home still, but just got a aprtment and moved out on his own..no idea where he moved to or what hes up to now. Its become a bit more real for me to..i dont want to be forgottn about..it hurts. Just take deep breaths, its goin to suck today, no doubt about it...your body is going into protection mode. And your going to feel all sorts of ups and downs today..texting made you feel good for a moment, but im sure it was short lived, you felt you had nothing to lose..i can understand that. You will be OK but its going to be hard..a piece of you is missing, your ex. But just like any other part of your body, when it gets hurt or injured it will heal itself..sadly the medicine for healing what alot of us are going threw is (Time). Hopfully you can manage today to some degree. Just get threw today. After today it will still hurt but you will be one day closer to healing.

Hi,

Well this is a bit weird, I am currently sitting outside the ex house, using her WiFi, have loaded my van, jam packed, and I am currently waiting for the guy to pick up all my vhs tapes 3000+ which I had to sell on ebay. I used to run a shop on ebay selling tapes etc.....but obviously it has to go. It was all stored in the garage.

Oh well I guess this is a new experience.....but I have held it together. Not cried . Even I must admit the hardest part was saying goodbye to the dog.....but as per usual her kids didn't help, her daughter who is 22 I think, just sat in the garden and didn't help carry one box. Her son not to be seen.... Even the ex didn't lift a finger.

I guess that is that. Its a a bit weird but also feel ok. I will see how I feel a bit later when I get home.

Goatjazz

Excellent, you got in robot mode to soldier through it. That's the only way to get things done, when you have to keep it together no matter how surreal it feels..

, I am currently sitting outside the ex house, using her WiFi, have loaded my van, jam packed, .....but I have held it together. Not cried.

Back home now, well at my mums.

Bloke took ages to come to collect the tapes.... Thank god I am home.

What a bloody day.

I don't feel sad, don't really feel anything at the moment.

Just worn out lol.

I tell you, you couldn't make it up....i loaded my van up with all my last belongings, then put all my vids outside the house, ready for this bloke to collect.

Three hours I sat in the van, waiting outside my ex house.....i asked her if maybe I could go, and she keep an eye on the vids and make sure the bloke gets them....... No....

So I sit there.... Like a bloody nightmare.

All I wanted to do was go home.

Still I used her WiFi lol...

Back home at my mums, had something to eat, and now a can of cider.

Thanks again for all your support.

Goatjazz

Hi,

So today I am not sure what I feel.

Just very flat.

I have been for a blood test, and have unloaded most of the van.

Now watching the golf.

But its a weird feeling, still missing her, or missing something.

Not sure what I feel.

Just want to fast forward a few months, get back to my flat and start my life properly again.

I need to contact the doctor tomorrow, just to get another doc note, so I can just take time off if need.

I just want to get on with things.

But I am here at my mums, until the flat is available, probably October.

But I guess at least I have done time to save up some money and can get some nice things for the flat.

I have asked my daughter who is 14 if she would unbox the items from the flat and I will tell her what to do with then, either sell, keep, keep but store in loft/attic,or just chuck.....just I didn't pack the boxes, I have no idea what's in each box, so I know unboxing them will be emotional, so i can just say chuck it etc!....

My daughter is looking forward to getting the flat sorted, we are going to get some goldfish, which she has already got names for!....

Then we will do some decorating, and get some new stuff for kitchen etc.

So I am excited for my new beginning but I have to wait...so I am sort of in limbo land.

Oh well will keep you all updated each day

Goatjazz

Hi,

So today I am not sure what I feel.

Just very flat.

I have been for a blood test, and have unloaded most of the van.

Now watching the golf.

But its a weird feeling, still missing her, or missing something.

Not sure what I feel.

Just want to fast forward a few months, get back to my flat and start my life properly again.

I need to contact the doctor tomorrow, just to get another doc note, so I can just take time off if need.

I just want to get on with things.

But I am here at my mums, until the flat is available, probably October.

But I guess at least I have done time to save up some money and can get some nice things for the flat.

I have asked my daughter who is 14 if she would unbox the items from the flat and I will tell her what to do with then, either sell, keep, keep but store in loft/attic,or just chuck.....just I didn't pack the boxes, I have no idea what's in each box, so I know unboxing them will be emotional, so i can just say chuck it etc!....

My daughter is looking forward to getting the flat sorted, we are going to get some goldfish, which she has already got names for!....

Then we will do some decorating, and get some new stuff for kitchen etc.

So I am excited for my new beginning but I have to wait...so I am sort of in limbo land.

 

Oh well will keep you all updated each day

Goatjazz

Well theres a void now..your ex took alot of your time up. Now that there gone it seems very quiet id guess. Seems your threw the worst part though. Not that its easier, but it is taking baby steps forward. I think about my ex every single day. But im able to control it a bit more, yes i do get upset and cry now and again. Yesterday on my way home from work i had a good cry for a few min. First one in about a week though. So its normal to still feel sad esp knowing you may come across something in one of those boxes. I think you will get alot advice on keeping busy,,and its true,but i know very well theres days you will sit around. Thats fine, at some point you will get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired..maybe a few weeks or even months, but i think once you start to feel tired and maybe even a little anger is when you will really start to get moving again...untill then your going to wonder what there doing, will they call, are they thinking about you..all that stuff. It uses alot of energy to always be thinking like that, but its normal as far as im concerned. Its time..and i cant stand when people tell me it takes time...but its the truth....time.

This is great.

we are going to get some goldfish, which she has already got names for!....

Morning.

Feeling ok this morning. Still an empty feeling but I am ok.

Ex emailed me yesterday to say thank you for collecting my stuff and wanted to know what I wanted to go about divorce!.

She don't hang about.

I told her I would wait the two years and we would then become legally separated.

Unless she wanted it quick then she can sort it out.

Today I am unloading the van, phoning the docs, watching the golf.

There is a driving range near me, so will give that a go soon, also a small course near the sea front.

So will give them a go soon.

Will see my daughter this weekend so looking forward to that.

Just want to get back to my flat to get started.

Anyway update later.

Goatjazz

Evening , well it is on the uk ,

Not been too bad a day.

Have unloaded the van and now my mums bungalow is full up.....

Have contacted to doc, got an appointment on Monday. Just to chat and get another doc note just incase I feel rubbish.

Then I have watched the golf, also called my daughter. Good to speak to her, will be seeing her on Sunday.

So tonight I made pasta, with a chilli and cheese sauce, very tasty.

Now got a can of cider and will have a bar of chocolate and maybe some sweets like wine gums.

So tonight I feel ok tho, not sure but I am feeling a little better...i think.... Maybe.

Tomorrow is another day, might walk around the car boot sale, if the weather holds... If not then I don't know.... Guess I will wait and see.

I need to do something so might go for a walk, not sure.

Will no doubt be on here so happy to chat etc..

Keep you all updated.

Cheers goatjazz