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Thread: !! In urgent need of some positivity !! Any post breakup success stories

  1. #1
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    !! In urgent need of some positivity !! Any post breakup success stories

    Long story short, I am 22, I have gotten out of an on and off relationship a YEAR and a half ago, when we finally got back together after him dumping me (and regretting it) he kept messing me around and giving me the "I am not ready for a relationship" excuses and kept ignoring my messages and putting zero effort in making it work so I ended it, he even made me cry in public as he kept threatening to leave and even made the excuse that he needed to focus on his career and if he becomes successful he can't be with someone who isn't a music artist (he like a lot of young people want to get into the music industry and become a producer whereas I study psychology at uni). this relationship was so bad that he even ignored my messages when I said it was over after giving him many chances of making it work, (now you get the picture!) so I'm not sure if I can say I left him but yeah, what was worse is that when we got intimate he would ignore my messages and claim I had trust issues if I got upset or stood up for myself - the good news is that I can see him for what he is and how bad he was to be with.

    BUT he seems to have made it work with someone else and have taken someone else seriously, I even found out they started going out around the time I was going to finish with him, what makes it worse is that the mother is all in on this despite the fact He hurt another woman, she almost seems proud of him for what he's done. I even messaged him when I was suicidal as I thought he would be the only one to talk me out of it and he blocked me on all social media, cold right?

    What was even worse I had this bad friend who was responsible for us getting back together, she encouraged me to unblock him on all social media after I was moving on with my life and I finally got the courage to cut her off after she kept updating me on his life. When she updated me on how they keep doing things as a family and going on holidays I fell into a deep depression and thought I would never settle down or find anyone else whilst he is happy with this new person, I thought I must be the problem right? He can treat someone else like a princess but not me

    What was even worse is this friend went through a breakup and her ex is going out with a lawyer student and they seem very happy and she is still single (and very bitter, she even claims she doesn't want to get married or have kids due to being hurt, she hates children) and struggling to even get a job. I have come across loads of females who have been hurt ending up as the underdog and the exs who caused the damage having this upper hand! I even know another person who got dumped and the ex is now engaged!

    With me, I ended up online dating out of desperation and spoke to a lot of bad guys who only wanted FWB and had no luck in the dating department. The good news is I am working on my psychology degree and career plus I quit smoking and decided to work on my fitness and I've moved to a really nice area in the country.

    I just want my confidence back and some hope and success stories from people who have been through similar and moved on! I would appreciate it so much. I need some hope!

  2. #2

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    If the guy is dysfunctional, then his new relationship probably won't last either. YOU WON'T CARE, because you'll be moving on! Keep up with the no contact. If anyone relays information back to you about his life, politely ask them to stop.

    The experience's other people go through are irrelevant. Ex partners can be extremely cruel or very good with a break up, and everything in-between. Don't compare.

    I'm sorry to hear about your depression. Have you spoken to family/friends about this? A medical professional? Seek help if you need to, and know that we are here to listen. You are not alone, please stay with us.

    Online dating is rubbish for the most part and you're clearly not in an emotionally healthy place to start doing it anyway. Relax, take time out, heal, grieve, work on yourself.

    Confidence comes with time. Happiness comes with time. Just focus on getting that degree/career and whatever else brings you joy in life. The rest will come, when you are feeling better.

  3. #3
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    I was in love with one of my friends for 3 years and he led me on to believe he liked me. However that was not the case. I found out that he was in love with someone else. That instantly broke my heart into pieces. When he found out that I loved him he apologized to me for leading me on. A year later we started dating. We were datinf for an entire year before he decided to make me and him official. And i stayed like an idiot. While we were together he was talking to other girls on facebook. and i still stayed for a year with him. I know i wanted to break up with me but part of me didnt because we had so much history together. when i finally did it he didnt seem to care and that hurt me even more that he didnt want to fight for us. It shouldnt have surprised me but i was still heartbroken. I thought I would never move on or find anyone and then I did. About 2 months later i found the love of my life. I know it seemed so quick to jump into another relationship and im not saying you need a man to move on. I'm saying that you do move on eventually. You'll find someone way better and youll wonder why the hell were you so caught up with the other guy. Trust me you'll be ok. Go out! Have fun! Be with friends and do things single girls do flirt! Just focus on yourself.

  4. #4
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    [QUOTE=LightWave93;6618230]If the guy is dysfunctional, then his new relationship probably won't last either. YOU WON'T CARE, because you'll be moving on! Keep up with the no contact. If anyone relays information back to you about his life, politely ask them to stop.

    The experience's other people go through are irrelevant. Ex partners can be extremely cruel or very good with a break up, and everything in-between. Don't compare.

    I'm sorry to hear about your depression. Have you spoken to family/friends about this? A medical professional? Seek help if you need to, and know that we are here to listen. You are not alone, please stay with us.

    Online dating is rubbish for the most part and you're clearly not in an emotionally healthy place to start doing it anyway. Relax, take time out, heal, grieve, work on yourself.

    Confidence comes with time. Happiness comes with time. Just focus on getting that degree/career and whatever else brings you joy in life. The rest will come, when you are feeling better.

    I went to my doctor when I was very depressed but I decided to not go through with the help as I don't want to go on medication or anything like that which would make the situation worse, I found out my local mental health service does relationship counselling which is something I'd be more interested in.

    In response to cutting off people who talk about him I actually cut this so called friend off who kept talking about him and I warned her before, I honestly feel better now I did because she was also a very negative person and her own break up situation completely depressed me as two years on she still spies on her ex and hasn't had any luck in all areas of her life including relationships, so I just got this shot of anger and thought NO I am not going to be like this and I am not going to be the underdog, I am going to gain my happiness and the upper hand.

    The online dating made it worse, you only get guys who are extremely needy or guys who only want sex, this actually made me think I'm never gonna find anyone because I don't like anyone on these dating apps or websites, I feel like that is the bottom of the dating pool as a lot of people with problems tend to join such as people who went through break ups and have insecurities ect

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  6. #5
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    Honestly it is the best thing to do because if I met someone I wouldn't be like this or even care what he's doing, what messes you up is when the other person is happy and your there single

    I wish I was like you, I hate the word but I had nothing but f*ckboys or needy people approach me but I am not in the time and place to meet decent people as I have been quit socially isolated due to a life "detox" I done lol. I was in a very bad area and was around negative people who don't study and just go clubbing and take drugs and I literally just moved and I'll be graduating from a bad college I am currently in so hopefully I'll have some luck soon

  7. #6
    Member MsCodeMonkey's Avatar
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    I had a long painful breakup with my ex where he just tried to do the fade basically after 2 1/2 years. After I finally broke up with him, I threw myself into life 110%, and I'm still doing it while dating my new boyfriend of 1 1/2 years(spent some time single of course). I joined/started 2 book clubs, started to take painting classes, listened to live music, saw musicals and plays, and made new friends. The more full my life became the less room the negativity and heartache had until eventually it faded into a bittersweet memory.

  8. #7
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    Hi friend,

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I've been recently going through a break up with my first love check out my story if you like, it is very long and I would be more than happy to talk to you more about it as a friend if you ever need to! Long story short it's been I would say 4 months now. In all honesty I'm not completely 100% over her, but DAMN do I feel much better. I'm really starting to come around, and given the circumstances you have provided, I would really recommend NC as many people will mention. There's a very good reason why everyone on here insists on doing so. Lets face it watching them move on or stalking them isn't going to do us any good. Really assess the situation is there any good reason for you to be in contact and stay in contact? It's unfortunate that things didn't work out with you, but I think you have to give yourself some credit and realize maybe he became a better person because of you. When I was with my ex GF I honestly had a lot of insecurities and there were incidents that she shouldn't have been put through and I fully realize that (might not have been as bad as you had it). However, after a period of self blame and guilt I realized that certain actions I committed were wrong and I vow to avoid them in the future. I was aware of these problems when we were together but I didn't fully learn until she was gone. Personally, I believe I would have never learned without her, so give yourself some credit maybe you made this person better and that's why they are now serious with someone else. Your time together for now is done, but as I took this time to heal and work on myself I encourage you to do the same. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel. I personally have tried online and have had no luck, at least you've been going out on dates. It does sound like you're on the right track though so keep it up! As I've mentioned although I'm not seeing anyone I've been understanding that I can be happy on my own, and not rely on someone else's presence. I'm really starting to feel happy again, and am confident that you will too. Moving on isn't always about finding and being with someone else, but I can also be knowing that you no longer deserve the pain. Continue to grow and improve yourself eventually the right one will come along good luck!


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