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Thread: I broke up with my girlfriend and it was the biggest mistake of my life

  1. #1

    I broke up with my girlfriend and it was the biggest mistake of my life

    I wish to apologize in advance for this wall of text. I'm not the best writer, but I do want to be thorough.

    3 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for almost 3 years. Although we had some rough patches, we had a great and strong relationship.

    A year prior to our break up I went through a difficult time. I was 25, still living at home, still working on my thesis, didn't get out of the house much, stuck between the same four walls day in day out, ... I absolutely hated it, but also hated myself for not pushing hard enough. So everytime I felt down, frustrated or angry, I projected these feelings onto her, by starting an argument, ignoring her, not wanting to have sex (no sex drive), etc. I didn't show enough appreciation for what she did for me day in day out.

    After submitting my thesis and graduating shortly after, I felt alive and good about myself again. I bought her flowers, took her to dinner, showed her my love and appreciation. Everything was good again. Or I thought it was.
    After a month or so, my interest in her took a dive. Instead of spending time with her, I chose to go out with friends or stay at home playing video games. What we had in the past didn't feel as good anymore. It's like we got in a rut. It was the same ol' story over and over again. And suddenly, about 2 months prior to our break up, I thought to myself: "Maybe I need to break up with her. I don't feel like I'm in love anymore. Do I want something else? I need to get out of this situation."

    After talking to a lot of my friends about this issue, I decided to go through with it. She was absolutely heartbroken. It was hard to gather enough courage to tell her how I felt, but I did feel relieved after our conversation. I really thought it was the right thing to do. We also decided to remain friends, because we couldn't bear the thought of not being in each other lives anymore.

    As weeks went by, we occassionally went out together with some of our friends (as we have the same group of friends). It felt weird at first, but quickly felt normal again for me, like not much had changed. I heard from friends that she was really struggling with the situation, crying a lot, but really trying to move on. I also told her, if she asked about how I felt, that I was sure about my decision and that there was no chance of us getting back together. I didn't really think about that last part, because I thought it was best to not give her any hope so she could move on and live her life.

    More weeks passed and we started to see each other 1 on 1 again. At first it felt normal. We had a great time, playing sports together, getting a drink, talking about what we've been up to. But after a while, it felt weird and I started to have doubts about my decision. In this periode of time, we had sex 2 times, and I must say, it felt amazing. But of course, this made things even harder. As I had doubts, I didn't communicate this with her and she started to get out with other people. One evening, she's out and having a good time, one thing let to the other and she ended up having sex with a guy who expressed to her that he was interested. I knew she got pretty damn drunk that night. She didn't even remember and had to call the guy to ask what happened. When she told me, I think it kinda broke me inside, because I had my doubts and wanted to tell her how I felt about our break up. And I did tell her. The day after we sat together and I told her I made a mistake. She was very confused, cried a lot and suddenly got really cold. She still wanted to see me, but didn't want to give me another chance.

    Some days after our talk, she told me she wanted to see where things were going with this guy she was seeing and was planning to go on a road trip with him and his friends. I was upset, but didn't try to talk her out of it, because I was well aware that I pushed her to move on and that I had to accept her decision. It was hard to deal with. I lost about 18 lbs in less than 2 weeks and cried my eyes out.
    But then, 1 week before her trip, she asked to see me and told me she had doubts. She told me all about the little things about him that bugged her already. She didn't feel like he was someone to go forward with, but also wanted to go on this trip so she could know for sure. Then she asked me to wait for her. Throughout the conversation, I went from being confused to being happy, to being angry and to being sad yet again. I told her that I wasn't going to be over her in just a week.

    Throughout her trip, she kept on texting me (I didn't initiate), asking me how I was doing, and somewhere in the middle even telling me that was going to be happy to see me again. I got excited, but worried at the same time, because I knew she was still having sex with the guy. When she got back, I asked her about the trip and she started to cry. She told me she figured out that this guy wasn't a good match, and that she missed me. I asked if she talking about this with him. She told me that she hadn't because she didn't think it was right to do it on holiday. She told me she would talk to him when he got back in 2 weeks time. These 2 weeks were rough but also pretty great. At times my feelings got the upper hand and we argued about the situation. Other times we laughed, partied, hugged, ... An emotional rollercoaster like they'd say. We didn't have sexual contact whatsoever.

    Some days ago the guy got back from his trip and yesterday they met to have a talk. She already heard from his friends that he was in love with her. After some hours talking, she finally got around to telling him that she didn't want to go any further with him. He broke down and left. She called me after, asking me to meet up with her at home. She broke down and told me she felt really guilty. I comforted her and spent the night (again without any sexual contact). She also told me she was going to take some time to be on her own and figuring out where she wants to go from there.

    I know she still loves me and that her feelings for me are still there, but she's afraid that I will hurt her a second time, and I completely understand her train of thought.
    From the moment I realized my mistake, I started to list everything I've done wrong in my relationship with her. I felt like I just didn't put in any work that last year.
    I think I can say that, in this short periode of time, I changed my mindset quite abit. She also told me that she feels that some negative attributes about me have changed.
    I also keep on putting in work by being who I want to be in life, and also with her. I'm sure there's still plenty of work, but I think I'm slowly getting there.

    What my only real concern is right now, is that I don't know how I can break her barrier. I know time will tell, but I don't want to do anything to reduce my chances with her.
    Right now, she has all the power. It's a waiting game for me. She does text me everyday, asking to do stuff together, with her or together with friends, and we do have a great time.
    But I don't think it's a good thing that she has all the power..

    From your idea or your experience, where can I go from here?


    I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story.
    If you have any insight to share, please do.
    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, it sounds like she sees you as a friend/confidant but the relationship and it's feelings extinguished due to neglect, gigs and asexual behavior (which is still present).

    If you want to be friends with an ex that's fine but she is seeing someone and/or "going to take some time to be on her own"

    Did you ever find 'something else'?
    Originally Posted by Hatsofftoyou
    "Maybe I need to break up with her. I don't feel like I'm in love anymore. Do I want something else? I need to get out of this situation."

    she told me she wanted to see where things were going with this guy she was seeing and was planning to go on a road trip with him and his friends.

  3. #3
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    Tough to fix a broken relationship. You dumped her and broke her trust. It seems like she knows she can get you back anytime so shes put you up on a shelf while she sees what else is out there.

    I wouldnt wait around for her. Id tell her that while you do love her and realized your mistake, you cant sit around waiting for her to make up her mind.

    Then if she doesnt want to try you shut the door and move on.

  4. #4
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    According what you tell here, she looks willing to take you back.
    Just keep waiting and try to think twice in the future before to take a decision.
    But you keep optimist. The luck is with you man.

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  6. #5
    Member keepItReal223's Avatar
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    The honeymoon feeling went away and you confused that with falling out of love. You got too comfortable and now you realize you love her now that another man stepped in and treats her the way she suppose to be treated. The only reason she feels like the other guy is not a good match is because YOU are in her head and in her way. If you wasn't in the picture i bet he still would be but its hard for a new guy to compete with a lingering ex no matter how great he treats her.

    I read this whole thing and she seems like a sweet girl. You should of left her alone and let her come back to you instead of butting in as soon as you found out that she is with another guy thats selfish. But it seems like she has a big heart and loves you and yes you have broke her trust so she is confused now and she def does not want to be punished for being a good girl by being dumped by you again just because you're selfish. So stop crying and be a man. Treat her like a MAN is suppose to treat her which is with love and respect ALL THE TIME.. Not just when the butterflies feelings fade away. If she was my brother I would check you and tell you to get lost forever but good luck.

  7. #6
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    You miss the intimacy - not her. 3 months is a lot to ask for with someone with any self-esteem after breaking their heart. You keep stringing her along. I feel bad for her, cuz once you feel down, you pull the same thing over again.

  8. #7
    Silver Member gypsybird87's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hatsofftoyou

    Right now, she has all the power. It's a waiting game for me....But I don't think it's a good thing that she has all the power..
    I was feeling sort of sympathetic to your plight until I read this. Seriously? You dumped her, after a 3 YEAR relationship. How powerless do you think she felt in that moment? You unilaterally ended the relationship, broke her heart, and destroyed her trust.

    YES. She has "all the power" right now. In regards to her own life. It's 100% her choice if she wants to let you back into it, forgive you and give you another shot. Your complaint about having no power... what is that? Are you looking for some way to manipulate the situation? You made the decision to dump her, and she had to respect that. If she decides to be done with you or keep you in the friendzone or whatever, then that is her decision and you will have to respect it. The only power you have is over yourself. You can choose to be in her life in whatever capacity she decides she's comfortable with, or you can walk away. That's all.

  9. #8
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    I wouldn't want to be with you if I were her. Look at it from her perspective. You are too busy, so you neglect her. Your life gets easier, then after a while you get tired of her. You break up with her and after you change your mind, you don't like that you don't have the power to get her back how and when you want. Seems like no matter what happens you have a problem.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Hatsofftoyou
    I wish to apologize in advance for this wall of text. I'm not the best writer, but I do want to be thorough.

    3 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for almost 3 years. Although we had some rough patches, we had a great and strong relationship.

    A year prior to our break up I went through a difficult time. I was 25, still living at home, still working on my thesis, didn't get out of the house much, stuck between the same four walls day in day out, ... I absolutely hated it, but also hated myself for not pushing hard enough. So everytime I felt down, frustrated or angry, I projected these feelings onto her, by starting an argument, ignoring her, not wanting to have sex (no sex drive), etc. I didn't show enough appreciation for what she did for me day in day out.

    After submitting my thesis and graduating shortly after, I felt alive and good about myself again. I bought her flowers, took her to dinner, showed her my love and appreciation. Everything was good again. Or I thought it was.
    After a month or so, my interest in her took a dive. Instead of spending time with her, I chose to go out with friends or stay at home playing video games. What we had in the past didn't feel as good anymore. It's like we got in a rut. It was the same ol' story over and over again. And suddenly, about 2 months prior to our break up, I thought to myself: "Maybe I need to break up with her. I don't feel like I'm in love anymore. Do I want something else? I need to get out of this situation."

    After talking to a lot of my friends about this issue, I decided to go through with it. She was absolutely heartbroken. It was hard to gather enough courage to tell her how I felt, but I did feel relieved after our conversation. I really thought it was the right thing to do. We also decided to remain friends, because we couldn't bear the thought of not being in each other lives anymore.

    As weeks went by, we occassionally went out together with some of our friends (as we have the same group of friends). It felt weird at first, but quickly felt normal again for me, like not much had changed. I heard from friends that she was really struggling with the situation, crying a lot, but really trying to move on. I also told her, if she asked about how I felt, that I was sure about my decision and that there was no chance of us getting back together. I didn't really think about that last part, because I thought it was best to not give her any hope so she could move on and live her life.

    More weeks passed and we started to see each other 1 on 1 again. At first it felt normal. We had a great time, playing sports together, getting a drink, talking about what we've been up to. But after a while, it felt weird and I started to have doubts about my decision. In this periode of time, we had sex 2 times, and I must say, it felt amazing. But of course, this made things even harder. As I had doubts, I didn't communicate this with her and she started to get out with other people. One evening, she's out and having a good time, one thing let to the other and she ended up having sex with a guy who expressed to her that he was interested. I knew she got pretty damn drunk that night. She didn't even remember and had to call the guy to ask what happened. When she told me, I think it kinda broke me inside, because I had my doubts and wanted to tell her how I felt about our break up. And I did tell her. The day after we sat together and I told her I made a mistake. She was very confused, cried a lot and suddenly got really cold. She still wanted to see me, but didn't want to give me another chance.

    Some days after our talk, she told me she wanted to see where things were going with this guy she was seeing and was planning to go on a road trip with him and his friends. I was upset, but didn't try to talk her out of it, because I was well aware that I pushed her to move on and that I had to accept her decision. It was hard to deal with. I lost about 18 lbs in less than 2 weeks and cried my eyes out.
    But then, 1 week before her trip, she asked to see me and told me she had doubts. She told me all about the little things about him that bugged her already. She didn't feel like he was someone to go forward with, but also wanted to go on this trip so she could know for sure. Then she asked me to wait for her. Throughout the conversation, I went from being confused to being happy, to being angry and to being sad yet again. I told her that I wasn't going to be over her in just a week.

    Throughout her trip, she kept on texting me (I didn't initiate), asking me how I was doing, and somewhere in the middle even telling me that was going to be happy to see me again. I got excited, but worried at the same time, because I knew she was still having sex with the guy. When she got back, I asked her about the trip and she started to cry. She told me she figured out that this guy wasn't a good match, and that she missed me. I asked if she talking about this with him. She told me that she hadn't because she didn't think it was right to do it on holiday. She told me she would talk to him when he got back in 2 weeks time. These 2 weeks were rough but also pretty great. At times my feelings got the upper hand and we argued about the situation. Other times we laughed, partied, hugged, ... An emotional rollercoaster like they'd say. We didn't have sexual contact whatsoever.

    Some days ago the guy got back from his trip and yesterday they met to have a talk. She already heard from his friends that he was in love with her. After some hours talking, she finally got around to telling him that she didn't want to go any further with him. He broke down and left. She called me after, asking me to meet up with her at home. She broke down and told me she felt really guilty. I comforted her and spent the night (again without any sexual contact). She also told me she was going to take some time to be on her own and figuring out where she wants to go from there.

    I know she still loves me and that her feelings for me are still there, but she's afraid that I will hurt her a second time, and I completely understand her train of thought.
    From the moment I realized my mistake, I started to list everything I've done wrong in my relationship with her. I felt like I just didn't put in any work that last year.
    I think I can say that, in this short periode of time, I changed my mindset quite abit. She also told me that she feels that some negative attributes about me have changed.
    I also keep on putting in work by being who I want to be in life, and also with her. I'm sure there's still plenty of work, but I think I'm slowly getting there.

    What my only real concern is right now, is that I don't know how I can break her barrier. I know time will tell, but I don't want to do anything to reduce my chances with her.
    Right now, she has all the power. It's a waiting game for me. She does text me everyday, asking to do stuff together, with her or together with friends, and we do have a great time.
    But I don't think it's a good thing that she has all the power..

    From your idea or your experience, where can I go from here?


    I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story.
    If you have any insight to share, please do.
    Thank you.
    Hi hatsofftoyou

    Im a 27 years girl from Denmark, so I apologize for my bad English.
    My ex boyfriend left me 2 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and lived together for 5 years.
    He became unemployed in January and was struggling to find a job. A week before he left me he turned 30 years old
    I was his first serious girlfriend and the first girlfriend who met his friends and family.
    He suddenly told me out of the blue that he did not love me, he said he had never been in love with me and did not want a future with me.
    We have always had a strong relationship, never fought . We always laughed together, silly, went on trips and had great sex.
    Of course, I have begged and asked him to give us a chance but he refuses.
    We both got a new apartment seperate.
    When I ask him if he regrets his decision, he says no. He says he will not give us a chance. He does not love me and never did. It hurts when we use to talk about getting children together and buying a house together. He has always said that he loved me and suddenly he said that he just said it to make me happy but never meant it.
    He says he has made the right decision to end the relationship and that we will never get back together.
    I know I should let go, but I can not understand how he can say that after 6 years together. Why do he not miss me? I really thought we were happy. Everyone is shocked at his choice, even his family and friends.
    Should I believe what he says and realize he never loved me?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    People are responding to your post in your thread. This thread is over 2 yrs old and you posted the identical post in your own thread : [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Frkbrodersen
    Hi hatsofftoyou Im a 27 years girl from Denmark, so I apologize for my bad English....

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