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Thread: Fiance angry and upset I don't compliment her enough! Help!

  1. #11
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    The quick and easy answer: Do as she asks.
    But..., I wonder if that's really the problem.

    Regular arguments over compliments seems very odd to me.

    You sound like a regular, (good), guy to me.
    After five years and she doesn't know that?

    Maybe this is it:
    "Like busting my ass to make sure us and our future children are financially sound and comfortable."
    "Safe, healthy, happy, and free of any hardships I can control."
    "I would never let her have it rougher than I do, I will always take that burden if I can at all possible."
    "I always do the stuff a man should do that go unnoticed by her."


    You sound more like a trust administrator, than a man excited about finally having the wife of his dreams.
    Maybe it's normal and in-step with the times to think this way, but for me..., it's impossible and weird.

    I don't care how much you plan or how much money you think you will need; IT WON'T BE ENOUGH. (Spoken from experience.)

    It's good to plan for family, but do it with a partner!
    She is infinitely variable to ALL the surprises you will face. (Yes, you will, over and over!)

    Maybe you're just over-the- top and should just relax a little?
    Last edited by Lester; 08-02-2016 at 09:40 AM.

  2. #12
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    "I just feel like I show my love in different ways then she does..(I hope you have been....with jewelry!
    "...Am I completely wrong here or is she expecting too much to a certain extent?"...At least once is not too much.

    Compliments don't need to be mushy. But do not take this lightly. If she argues about this regularly, step up to the plate:
    "You're cooking is delicious"
    "Your (insert outward appearance here: dress, hair, shirt, shirt) looks so nice today"
    "I love the way you laugh"
    "You are the best woman I know"
    "I'm so happy we are getting married"
    "Nice arse"
    "I love how soft your skin is."
    "You smell really good."
    "You are rocking it at work."

    Read The 5 Languages of Love - you may be a doer, but she is a talker - either way, unless you are doing stuff like buying her jewelry and flowers, saving for "future children" is pretty lame, unless it's a shared goal you've communicated on and agreed on.

    If you don't address this now, you are going to have a crap marriage as she will grow with resentment. Right now, by not taking this seriously, it tells her (regardless if you don't mean to) that you don't care about her feelings, her needs, and don't appreciate or listen to her. She is not a mind reader. I don't care how silly you feel - open up about what you like about her - even if it's to compliment her boobs.

  3. #13
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    ^ Especially the boobs!

  4. #14
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    its not even about the 5 love languages - when you are about to marry someone - will be the closest person, best friend, confidante and sexual partner of that person for the rest of their life - and you NEVER compliment that person at all - it is troubling. My love language is not Words of Encouragement. But it does FEEL GOOD when your spouse or boyfriend says something nice about you. But its not about that either - its about the ABSENCE of ever saying anything nice. In fact, I thought compliments were no big thing until i was in a marriage where i received NO compliments unless it was left handed and laced with a criticism. You are engaged. This is the lovey dovey time of the relationship and you have NEVER told her that you feel very lucky that she is your bride to be? If you talked about kids and want them, compliment her how patient she is with your niece/nephew and that you don't know what kind of dad you'll be, but she is going to be a great mom? Did you tell her that you really like that shirt on her? That you like the way she kisses? (Even a Whoa, that was great.) That it was perfect the way she had that comeback ready for your brother? If you can't muster up some compliments about this stunning, intelligent woman you have been moved so much by to ask for her hand in marriage at this time, I don't know what to say. I know some men are men of few words - but there has to be something.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    its not even about the 5 love languages - when you are about to marry someone - will be the closest person, best friend, confidante and sexual partner of that person for the rest of their life - and you NEVER compliment that person at all - it is troubling. My love language is not Words of Encouragement. But it does FEEL GOOD when your spouse or boyfriend says something nice about you. But its not about that either - its about the ABSENCE of ever saying anything nice. In fact, I thought compliments were no big thing until i was in a marriage where i received NO compliments unless it was left handed and laced with a criticism. You are engaged. This is the lovey dovey time of the relationship and you have NEVER told her that you feel very lucky that she is your bride to be? If you talked about kids and want them, compliment her how patient she is with your niece/nephew and that you don't know what kind of dad you'll be, but she is going to be a great mom? Did you tell her that you really like that shirt on her? That you like the way she kisses? (Even a Whoa, that was great.) That it was perfect the way she had that comeback ready for your brother? If you can't muster up some compliments about this stunning, intelligent woman you have been moved so much by to ask for her hand in marriage at this time, I don't know what to say. I know some men are men of few words - but there has to be something.
    Yes... it's called showing your appreciation verbally AND it shouldn't be hard to do or even a freaking issue. Goodness I can't believe what I'm reading that some of you are making this an issue ~ you especially, Op.

    Gah! I've been married for like 1000 years and although we don't do it as much as we once did. We try to throw out some verbage every once in a while that validates the other's importance to each other.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Yes... it's called showing your appreciation verbally AND it shouldn't be hard to do or even a freaking issue. Goodness I can't believe what I'm reading that some of you are making this an issue ~ you especially, Op.

    Gah! I've been married for like 1000 years and although we don't do it as much as we once did. We try to throw out some verbage every once in a while that validates the other's importance to each other.
    Even if its something that doesn't come naturally - it can be learned - like how we treat children basic manners. For you compliments might not be as deeply heartfelt, but its like saying please and thank you. You can even tell her - that you are the type of person where compliments don't come naturally to you because you show love in other ways. That's how you learned it from dad and grandpa - they showed their love by providing, but you are going to make an effort to learn (and tell her that you love her!) You don't want her heart to be hardened. She may have grown up in a family where compliments came very easy off people's mouths and they were always expressing appreciation to eachother and its the lack of hearing it.

  8. #17
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    [QUOTE=Lester;6615363]^ Especially the boobs!

    I always thought it would be weird to just, out the blue, compliment your wife's boobs.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=silver;6617364]I always thought it would be weird to just, out the blue, compliment your wife's boobs.

    Really? "Nice rack!!!" doesn't make you feel all warm and melty and loved??

    Go figure...

  10. #19
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    I agree with reading the love languages and getting an idea of what primary language you need to be speaking to your fiancé. Also try and search your own feelings and whether you feel fulfilled and loved by your partner. Sometimes when we don't feel loved it is difficult to show affection to our spouse. John Gray (Author of Men are from Mars ...) recommends writing love letters which can help you express compliments / affection / intimacy and work through problems in the relationship. I am a recently divorced guy who deeply and passionately loved my wife. I let a lot of beautiful thoughts I had about her go unsaid and a lot of deep emotions go unfelt. Do not make this same mistake, dig deep everyday and think why you are choosing her.. and make sure she knows it, feels it. Think of how devastated you would be if this seemingly annoying request becomes the nidus of your relationship downfall, make her feel cherished, adored, beautiful and she will be happy.

  11. #20
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    And crude as "nice rack" can sound, and some will say how crude it is, we still feel special.

    People think compliments have to be like poetry - I'll say it for everyone to be clear - COMPLIMENTS DO NOT HAVE TO BE LIKE POETRY - it's to acknowledge each other's. Don't ever assume people know how you feel or what you thinking - not matter how solid your relationship is, always check in with eachother once in a while - future goals, future goals for the relationship, clearing up things.

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