Why has our society changed so tremendously?

I'll be 32 next year and have been in a few two year relationships in the past. I've now basically been single for two years and have been looking for someone to settle down with and have kids. I'm finding that in this day and age hardly any guys seem to be wanting to have a serious relationship and have kids. I was dating a guy on and off for a year and he said he doesn't want to have kids, and even if he did change his mind it'd only be in his 40's (he's only 32). Another guy I went on a date with from online had in his profile "might want kids", but on the date he actually said he doesn't want them.

When I look at guys' profiles on online dating, I find that most don't seem to want kids, and/or are polyamorous or just looking for something casual. I feel like these days people don't really value monogamous relationships and family that much because there are so many options out there and they don't want to commit to just one person. A very large number of people who message me online are in open relationships, polyamorous, or just looking for something casual.

I'm thinking that online dating and dating apps like Tinder make people feel like there are just so many people out there to date/hook up with, that they always think "the grass is greener" with some other person. It makes it difficult for someone like me who's a bit of an old fashioned soul (I actually hate using online dating and especially apps). I'm looking for kids and marriage and I never find anyone who wants that....

It has changed because people have been spending more and more and more time on education out of necessity . So the average age of marrying and having kids has gone up tremdously. The year I was born the average age of a first-time mother was about 22 . Now the average age of having your first child is about 32 . The average age of marriage is about 27 . People are delaying this even much further .

Also, with the divorce rate being as high as it is, and men often getting stung in the process, I think that they are more tentative nowadays about entering into the whole thing. The institution of marriage, kids, and the nuclear family is getting rather outdated.

I'll be 32 next year and have been in a few two year relationships in the past. I've now basically been single for two years and have been looking for someone to settle down with and have kids. I'm finding that in this day and age hardly any guys seem to be wanting to have a serious relationship and have kids. I was dating a guy on and off for a year and he said he doesn't want to have kids, and even if he did change his mind it'd only be in his 40's (he's only 32). Another guy I went on a date with from online had in his profile "might want kids", but on the date he actually said he doesn't want them.

 

When I look at guys' profiles on online dating, I find that most don't seem to want kids, and/or are polyamorous or just looking for something casual. I feel like these days people don't really value monogamous relationships and family that much because there are so many options out there and they don't want to commit to just one person. A very large number of people who message me online are in open relationships, polyamorous, or just looking for something casual.

 

I'm thinking that online dating and dating apps like Tinder make people feel like there are just so many people out there to date/hook up with, that they always think "the grass is greener" with some other person. It makes it difficult for someone like me who's a bit of an old fashioned soul (I actually hate using online dating and especially apps). I'm looking for kids and marriage and I never find anyone who wants that....

Many people these days realize there's a whole world of opportunity and don't want to feel constrained to one experience. I'm sure a lot of men are also extremely nervous about marriage because of alimony requirements (Not sure if that's an issue in AUS as much as it is in the States.)

There's also just a bunch of guys who just want a gubby so to speak, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not what you're looking for. And that's okay too.

If you are looking on apps that are free or known to be hook up places, then that will be your result. However, it's not an indication that society has changed is some dramatic way. It hasn't and yes men and women still want families, marriage and children. Just look around you in real life. Figure out where quality people who share your values hang out and your results will change.

Also, online you do have to weed out ruthlessly and learn how to read between the lines. If you are serious about wanting children, then don't waste your time on any guy who has indicated otherwise. Unsure = no kids, so no need to waste time with a guy who is "unsure".

Also, with the divorce rate being as high as it is, and men often getting stung in the process, I think that they are more tentative nowadays about entering into the whole thing. The institution of marriage, kids, and the nuclear family is getting rather outdated.

What do you mean that men are getting stung? Women are 50% of the workforce, and are contributing their part.

I also think that a big part, is that sex is so readily available in the western world, so why get married. In the developing world, marriage is common and welcomed by both men and women.

If you are looking on apps that are free or known to be hook up places, then that will be your result. However, it's not an indication that society has changed is some dramatic way. It hasn't and yes men and women still want families, marriage and children. Just look around you in real life. Figure out where quality people who share your values hang out and your results will change.

 

Also, online you do have to weed out ruthlessly and learn how to read between the lines. If you are serious about wanting children, then don't waste your time on any guy who has indicated otherwise. Unsure = no kids, so no need to waste time with a guy who is "unsure".

Texas being so Biblically conservative still, that's probably very true where you are. A lot of the US is definitely moving away from that, though.

What do you mean that men are getting stung. Women are 50% of the workforce, and are contributing their part.

 

I also think that a big part, is that sex is so readily available in the western world, so why get married. In the developing world, marriage is common and welcomed by both men and women.

Alimony & child support.

What do you mean that men are getting stung. Women are 50% of the workforce, and are contributing their part.

 

I also think that a big part, is that sex is so readily available in the western world, so why get married. In the developing world, marriage is common and welcomed by both men and women.

Thing is , well I know for a fact in my state , after divorce the guy gets hammered pretty bad.

Look at Hulk Hogan, his wife got 70 percent of the assets.

Stay steadfast to your goals rather than date undecided or outright unwilling people for months years on end. Also if these new open trends are not for you, don't bother.

I was dating a guy on and off for a year and he said he doesn't want to have kids. A very large number of people who message me online are in open relationships, polyamorous.

Alimony & child support.

Women have to pay it, too. I think things are a lot more balanced in the financial arena, these days. And, aren't couples splitting custody?

Women have to pay it, too. I think things are a lot more balanced in the financial arena, these days. And, aren't couples splitting custody?

Really depends on where they live. Urban areas do tend to be more equitable here, but rural areas might as well be 1950 in how this is handled.

Texas being so Biblically conservative still, that's probably very true where you are. A lot of the US is definitely moving away from that, though.

....I really haven't lived in Texas that long and have plenty of exposure to other areas of the country and the world. In addition to that, I travel constantly. All you have to do is go to any park or restaurant and what do you see? Families, children. So I'll just stand by the look around you and pay attention and if you want quality, don't expect to find it on Tinder and other similar apps. Yes you might be able to, but better be prepared to weed through an awful lot of garbage. Ditto for places like OKC.

Thing is , well I know for a fact in my state , after divorce the guy gets hammered pretty bad.

 

 

Look at Hulk Hogan, his wife got 70 percent of the assets.

That's great wealth. Didn't he cheat on her? They were also together a long time.

I am thinking that the majority of folks split the responsibility?

Society is always changing, and society is us. Each generation experiences things differently from the previous, and each generation experiences differences from what they grew up expecting. Some folks welcome the changes, some don't, and some are mixed. That said, we each play a part, contribute to the direction of society.

People can also get a prenuptial to eliminate the problem.

Yes. I'd hate to get all political or come off as "woe is me to be born a man" as I feel quite fortunate, but for all the socio-economic progress that's been made (not that there isn't always room for more), dating, romance, marriage seems to have a ways to catch up.

Add to that, we're simply settling down later. My suspicion is that 10 years down the road, we'll see substantially better rates for successful marriages and cohabitations, but we'll see.

TinyDance: Are you doing anything to help you to meet men other then online? I think you'll find that if you get yourself into hobbies where you'll meet men (like a co-ed, amateur sports league for instance) in real life, you may find that you have better luck finding those that want to have kids with someone they are actually quite compatible with.

Maybe even try something like Meetmarketadventures.com that will get you doing fun things with a group of singles (equal men to women) wherein you may meet someone who is what you've been looking for.

As far as there being less men who want to settle down and marry... well I think that online is for those types and that's why you are finding so many of them.

I do know of two couples who met online:

One set on POF but they have a totally open relationship ~ they are married.

One set on Eharmony. They are a monogamous couple who met and married and now have one child and have just bought a beautiful water front cottage.

Try Eharmony because it's well known that POF and Tinder are where the one's you've been meeting hang out.

I suggest you tidy up your profile settings as well and make it so those that don't want what you want can't get through to you. That will cut down your emails and contacts but what's the point in getting mail from guys that aren't looking for what you want?

Good luck.

What do you mean that men are getting stung? Women are 50% of the workforce, and are contributing their part.

Basically what Paxkramer said.

Certainly in the Western world, women are far more likely to get custody, and men often get shafted for a lot of money in divorce (I know a couple of guys currently going through this) as well as having to provide child support for a child that is probably going to end up with the woman. I think a lot of men are realising that certainly in the western world, marriage heavily favours women, and are therefore a lot more careful about entering into it nowadays.

Not to mention that if you look at your typical marriage, this applies even down to the wedding day, which seems heavily biased in favour of the woman. Basically it's the woman's day with the man just kind of tagging along.

Sex+ Feminism has drastically increased the availability of no-strings-attached sex for men.

Before men were trading commitment for access to sex. Now it's easier for them to get access to sex without offering commitment in return, so they're not offering commitment in return simply because they don't have to.

I'm thinking that online dating and dating apps like Tinder make people feel like there are just so many people out there to date/hook up with, that they always think "the grass is greener" with some other person. It makes it difficult for someone like me who's a bit of an old fashioned soul (I actually hate using online dating and especially apps). I'm looking for kids and marriage and I never find anyone who wants that....

I think you might have it backwards. You are basing your experiences and introductions to men off of online dating. Online dating attracts a specific segment of people. Some people who have anxiety around speaking to people in real life. Some people who use it as a platform to be brave and explore polyamory in ways they never would in real life. Some people who just don't feel like they have the time to go out to meet people.

But there are lots of people out there who aren't online. In part, because they are OUT THERE. They are in libraries and coffee shops and going on hikes. Once you get out there and talk to people, you'll see tons of men close to your age getting engaged, getting married, and married who are having kids.

Broaden your scope and you will broaden your results.

Sex+ Feminism has drastically increased the availability of no-strings-attached sex for men.

 

Before men were trading commitment for access to sex. Now it's easier for them to get access to sex without offering commitment in return, so they're not offering commitment in return simply because they don't have to.

Which I personally see nothing wrong with. I think it's great that female sexuality is being decreasingly apotheosized and that women can be more free to enjoy sex simply for what it is.

Feminism. I love it

Women can enjoy sex for simply for what it is without enabling men to feel they don't need to find a mate for life. It's called being discerning with whom you bed.

Feminism has nothing to do with being able to enjoy sex without commitment. It has everything to do with knowing what you want, what you can handle emotionally and being able to compartmentalize lust from emotional response.

Unfortunately more women then not cannot do the latter.

That's great wealth. Didn't he cheat on her? They were also together a long time.

 

I am thinking that the majority of folks split the responsibility?

they were both cheating...doesn't matter...70-30 isn't 50/50

and she is still being shady till this day