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Being made to feel guilty for not wanting to have sex


moodindigo91

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Okay. So, my boyfriend frequently gets mad if I don't want to have sex when he does, and he will sulk and make me feel guilty and treat me poorly all day if I say no. He sighs and sulks and I have to spend the whole day watching and listening to this. I'm on my period and I said no, he said you have a hand, a mouth, and boobs (sorry if this is graphic) but I still said no. Is it normal for this to happen? Why do men feel entitled to sex? I'm tired of this.

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Geeze, I like to please my partner so when I was on my period it was very, very seldom as issue for us.

 

What makes you not want to? Is it the way he asks or is it because you're just not in the mood? When you tell him "no" do you explain its because when you're on your period you aren't emotionally in the mood or for some other reason or do you just say "no?"

 

Maybe it's how you're turning him down that makes him sulk and not the fact that you've turned him down? If when you're on your period it's a no/no for you then maybe sit him down and tell him that you simply can't wrap your head around anything sexual when you're PMS'ing and crampy and could he do you the compromise of not asking during that week and you'll make it up to him the following one?

 

If you can't do that then I think there is something else going on concerning trouble in paradise. Yes?

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Okay. So, my boyfriend frequently gets mad if I don't want to have sex when he does, and he will sulk and make me feel guilty and treat me poorly all day if I say no. He sighs and sulks and I have to spend the whole day watching and listening to this. I'm on my period and I said no, he said you have a hand, a mouth, and boobs (sorry if this is graphic) but I still said no. Is it normal for this to happen? Why do men feel entitled to sex? I'm tired of this.

 

It sounds as if you have mismatched sex drives. You guys should break up and find someone who you are better matched with.

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So for some background information, I never had an issue "pleasing" my boyfriend while on my period, in fact, in the past I have wanted to have sex while on my period and he was the one that refused and continuously called me gross and made me feel gross when I was on my period. I tried to explain to him recently that my sex drive is low, a lot has to do with stress, but also our troubled relationship. Sex is important to a relationship, that I know. We have discussed the topic several times over the last years. I used to be very sexual but after a lot of the issues we've had, I just haven't wanted to have sex with him. We had sex a few times last week, so it's not like he's been hurting long for it. I don't think that I should be pressured, coerced or made to feel guilty regardless of how often we have sex. I also find it disrespectful to be told that I have "other holes" to use to please him since he refuses to have vaginal sex with me when I'm on my period. When he wants sex, he just says "let's have sex," there's no seducing, nothing sexy going on at all. If I'm not in the mood, it certainly does not get me in the mood, and the sulking that follows does nothing but make me want to have sex with him less.

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So for some background information, I never had an issue "pleasing" my boyfriend while on my period, in fact, in the past I have wanted to have sex while on my period and he was the one that refused and continuously called me gross and made me feel gross when I was on my period.
I'm not talking about intercourse when I say "pleasing" I'm talking about the same thing he asked for. I get grossed out with the mess myself so I can understand why he wouldn't want to have intercourse or get all up in that.

 

I tried to explain to him recently that my sex drive is low, a lot has to do with stress, but also our troubled relationship.
Ahhh and there is that "something else going on" that I hinted at.

 

Sex is important to a relationship, that I know. We have discussed the topic several times over the last years. I used to be very sexual but after a lot of the issues we've had, I just haven't wanted to have sex with him.
I thought as much.

 

We had sex a few times last week, so it's not like he's been hurting long for it. I don't think that I should be pressured, coerced or made to feel guilty regardless of how often we have sex. I also find it disrespectful to be told that I have "other holes" to use to please him since he refuses to have vaginal sex with me when I'm on my period.
Well, did you calmly tell him that or did you just say "no" to his request. If you did tell him that were you calm about it while using your "I" words to explain how it made you feel?

 

When he wants sex, he just says "let's have sex," there's no seducing, nothing sexy going on at all.
Have you reminded him of how he used to seduce you when you first became a couple, how excited he made you feel to be with him?

 

If I'm not in the mood, it certainly does not get me in the mood, and the sulking that follows does nothing but make me want to have sex with him less.
Did you ask him to please not sulk about the rejection because it just causes even more of a divide in your emotional connection and that to want to have sex with him you need to be emotionally connected?

 

I think you two have a problem with your communication and you both resent one another. If you are done with him then end it for goodness sakes but if you actually want a life with him then you need to get yourself back on track, out of the resentment mode and learn how to communicate and then resolve. This isn't a happy relationship in the least so it's no wonder you aren't sussed to please and he's not either.

 

Sorry you're at this stage.

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So for some background information, I never had an issue "pleasing" my boyfriend while on my period, in fact, in the past I have wanted to have sex while on my period and he was the one that refused and continuously called me gross and made me feel gross when I was on my period. I tried to explain to him recently that my sex drive is low, a lot has to do with stress, but also our troubled relationship. Sex is important to a relationship, that I know. We have discussed the topic several times over the last years. I used to be very sexual but after a lot of the issues we've had, I just haven't wanted to have sex with him. We had sex a few times last week, so it's not like he's been hurting long for it. I don't think that I should be pressured, coerced or made to feel guilty regardless of how often we have sex. I also find it disrespectful to be told that I have "other holes" to use to please him since he refuses to have vaginal sex with me when I'm on my period. When he wants sex, he just says "let's have sex," there's no seducing, nothing sexy going on at all. If I'm not in the mood, it certainly does not get me in the mood, and the sulking that follows does nothing but make me want to have sex with him less.

 

oh wow, that really is obnoxious. At first I thought that maybe he wanted it 5 times a week and you wanted it once a month. But it sounds like you've been trying to please him and he's just acting like a whiny brat. I agree, that's not seductive at all for him to act that way without doing anything to try to get you in the mood even. And it sounds like it does come down to relationship problems. Is he selfish on other ways as well? Are you two trying to work on those problems?

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Where in there does it sound like she's been trying to please him? All I read was resentment and a sense of duty which of course is understandable since there is such a wedge built up between the two of them.

 

I used to be very sexual but after a lot of the issues we've had, I just haven't wanted to have sex with him.

 

What has been going on Op that has gotten you guys to this level? Why have you gotten so off track with one another generally in this relationship? I know it's not just because he asks for sex instead of making you want it. When there is trouble in a relationship, the desire for one another is usually the first to go.

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A nitpick:

 

Nobody can make you feel guilty. I get your point, and it's valid.

 

Think about owning how you are, feeling and knowing that how you are is valid, and therefore there is nothing guilty about it. There is nothing about you that requires defending, nothing to feel bad about.

 

Finding a way to deeply internalize that might shift how you experience this dynamic.

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True if there are relationship issues it will effect that and reverse is true as well.

We have discussed the topic several times over the last years. I used to be very sexual but after a lot of the issues we've had, I just haven't wanted to have sex with him.
Is this the same guy?
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The way you describe him, I'm surprised you are ever in the mood to have sex with this manchild! His whole attitude and the way he goes about it is a turn off and I'm not sure why are you sticking around? Hopefully he has many other redeeming qualities about himself..

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The way you describe him, I'm surprised you are ever in the mood to have sex with this manchild! His whole attitude and the way he goes about it is a turn off and I'm not sure why are you sticking around? Hopefully he has many other redeeming qualities about himself..

 

Resentment and indifference to one another and from one another. Op: IS this the same guy as in your other thread? I have to ask why you are still in the relationship when you are feeling so disrespected and you're unable to communicate to one another what issues you are both harbouring. If he feels you are the reason why he is being held back then do him the favour of not giving him that excuse to be the unproductive and unromantic sloth he appears to be (according to the other post).

 

So: IS he the same guy.. that thread was only a month ago.

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I also find it disrespectful to be told that I have "other holes" to use to please him since he refuses to have vaginal sex with me when I'm on my period. When he wants sex, he just says "let's have sex," there's no seducing, nothing sexy going on at all. If I'm not in the mood, it certainly does not get me in the mood, and the sulking that follows does nothing but make me want to have sex with him less.

 

You're gross? Jeez, projection much. I mean being told one has other holes is just about as gross and unappetizing a line to invite a partner to have sex with you as it can possibly get. Your BF has minus subzero game at all.

 

Frankly, I can't imagine anyone wanting to even be in the same room with this guy let alone have sex with him if he acts like that. I would be actively so repulsed by being told those things it would have been over looooong before now.

 

So the question is why are you still with this guy? You may want to take a good long honest look at that, because I'm seeing soooo much more wrong here than just sex. It's a symptom, it's not the cause. You need to stop picking on one point and look at the relationship overall and ask yourself why you'd rather stay and complain than just go.

 

I see nothing healthy and no reason at all to stay.

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If you don't feel like having sex with him, that's your right.

 

If he doesn't feel like talking to you because of that, that's his right.

 

That's how I always dealt with that situation, anyway. I have to really be "in the mood" to talk to women. I have very delicate emotions, you see...

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Both are not right, both grow up and stick to a schedule, don't blame him cuz u have no idea how men feel when rejected, it strike right to the manhood, if u are a good partner make him understand hug him and tell him why u dont feel like, stick to ur mood and he will find someone better, the guilt u feel is because yes you are doing wrong and rejecting him in the wrong way, instead of rejection use puppy eyes or something I m guy it's shame to teach u tricks of girls!!!!

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How about he's asking for sex in the "wrong way"?

 

"Let's have sex"? "You have hands, a mouth, boobs and other holes"? Really????!!!

 

And SHE'S the one who's "wrong"???

 

Yeah, let him go "find someone better". Like a blow up doll.

He is spoiling on u and sees us as his women, don't breakup it's a stupid excuse, be bold did u lose attraction? If u did really let him find someone that find those things cute and loving, have a positive attitude!

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