Dealing with a "Nice Guy."

Hi All,

Ok so I met this guy recently online. He lives in my area and we have tons in common. He made his interest known right away. But I told him right from the getgo that I am not interested in a relationship right now. I said I just got out of a four year relationship and am not ready to date yet. He insisted this was fine. He said he still thinks I'm a cool person and would love to be friends. Since in the past 5 years or so, most of my friends have moved far away, I am always looking for more. So I had no problem with that.

Well, last night, after a week of sporadic texting he said, and I quote, "I'm really digging you. You are the woman of my dreams. When can I see you in person?"

Woah... down boy.

My response, word for word, "You barely know me. There is a ton of stuff I haven't told you about myself. I have a fiery Irish temper. I cuss a lot. I fart a lot. I'm overweight. I come from a crazy family (and not in the good way.) I don't drive because my eyes are screwed up. I have issues with mental illness, and instead of treating them with Lithium like a normal person, I've treated them with Hallucinogens and alcohol. And I am not over my ex, in fact I think I'm even still in love with him. I am nobody's dream woman. Sorry for being so blunt but I would rather just lay it all out on the table instead of leading anyone on and playing head games. I'm a no BS kind of girl."

His response, "Wow, you're honesty just makes me want you more."

Then he went on to tell me that he is fine with just being friends, but hopes we can be more eventually.

This kind of attention would have flattered me ten years ago. And that's exactly why I've been in so many bad relationships.

I am really not sure how to handle this. I just see red flags popping up everywhere here. I think I attracted a real clinger. I haven't even met him in person and he's already talking like this. Anyone have any thoughts?

Two words, beta male.

Two words, beta male.

May be arrogant, but I consider myself an Alpha Female. Not a good match, lol.

There's no room for any more red flags anywhere, this guy has raised all of them. He doesnt know you, you haven't met, and yet you are his ideal women even with the "issues" you say you have? I think he's got a few screws loose and may just want to get laid. Best to block him before it gets worse.

Ick, sounds like this guy just isn't getting the message. I would stop contact.

There's no room for any more red flags anywhere, this guy has raised all of them. He doesnt know you, you haven't met, and yet you are his ideal women even with the "issues" you say you have? I think he's got a few screws loose and may just want to get laid. Best to block him before it gets worse.

He also told me he's a cancer survivor, like right off the bat. I'm not saying being a cancer survivor is a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of, quite the opposite. But I know other cancer survivors and most of them aren't so quick to share that about themselves with strangers. At the time I didn't think anything of it, but now I wonder if he was just trying to tug at my heartstrings.

May be arrogant, but I consider myself an Alpha Female. Not a good match, lol.

Lol, they don't make a good match for anyone

Lol, they don't make a good match for anyone

I really am starting to think I'm just not relationship material.

Block him. You've told him you're not interested and he just keeps smashing right through it. Waay too many red flag, way too much overshare. He's not a good bet for even friendship.

Well, last night, after a week of sporadic texting he said, and I quote, "I'm really digging you. You are the woman of my dreams. When can I see you in person?"

oh ick. block him, i agree with the others. this guy is too intense and that's really weird before he's even met you.

Ok so I met this guy recently online. He lives in my area and we have tons in common. He made his interest known right away. But I told him right from the getgo that I am not interested in a relationship right now. I said I just got out of a four year relationship and am not ready to date yet. He insisted this was fine. He said he still thinks I'm a cool person and would love to be friends.

I'm a little confused. Forgive me. Did you connect with him via an online dating site? If so, and if you are not ready to date yet, why would you be on a dating site? Doesn't that send a bit of a mixed message?

Again, I'm not sure how you met him so I'm just wondering.

You need to end all contact and I mean all. As in, "We are not even friends, I never want to hear or see anything from you again." Then you block and delete him and if he gets weird or threatening you go to the police.

I'm dead serious about that. Why are you even keeping any contact with this guy at all???? SMH. This one is a stage 50 clinger and you only shake those off by giving them absolutely no contact except through the courts if it comes to that.

There is no sanity to this one and he is not a nice anything at all. You don't let these ones down gently, because they're so nuts they don't hear you or even care, they are latched on to the fantasy in their heads and neither care or want to understand or respect what you're saying.

Those you block all contact from and never respond again or try to reason with or try to argue with or to "let them down easy." He is not you, he will not and does not think or feel at all the same way you do and you are making a giant mistake in assuming he does.

I'm a little confused. Forgive me. Did you connect with him via an online dating site? If so, and if you are not ready to date yet, why would you be on a dating site? Doesn't that send a bit of a mixed message?

 

Again, I'm not sure how you met him so I'm just wondering.

Not an online dating site, Facebook.

Him and I have a lot of mutual friends, and I'm guessing I probably popped up in his "people you may know" window. If someone sends me a friend request and we have mutual friends, and they seem like an interesting person, I will usually accept the request. I use Facebook to advertise my business, and so I am not against adding people I don't know.

 

Why are you even keeping any contact with this guy at all???? SMH.

I don't know what SMH means.

Also, this conversation took place last night around 1AM. Shortly after that I told him I was going to bed. Haven't talked to him since. So I'm not "keeping in contact with him."

I'm not sure why you would describe him as "nice". He seems clingy and insecure and his social skills, well, not too stellar. I'd steer clear.

"SMH" means "so much hate". And I'm pretty sure that was directed at the guy, not at you.

SMH= Shake My Head. It's for when something is daft or obvious you don't have words for it.

"SMH" means "so much hate". And I'm pretty sure that was directed at the guy, not at you.

LOL. I thought it meant "shaking my head" - as in, "I can't understand why you're doing this" or "this is ridiculous." Just like you would shake your head in minor disbelief at someone in real life

This guy just sounds desperate, clingy, and immature to me is all. Your long reply listing all your faults would be a sure turn off to most people (no offense)

I will be honest here, he deserves better. U barely know him and already judge him, yes an alpha would be good for u, u r bad news to this guy, stop contact for his own good.

I'm not sure why you would describe him as "nice". He seems clingy and insecure and his social skills, well, not too stellar. I'd steer clear.

Well, not sure when this trend started, but the term "nice guy" is being used in a more satirical way online here lately. It is more meant to describe creepers and desperately clingy guys. On Reddit there is actually a whole subreddit dedicated to "nice guy" stories, lol.

So, me calling him that was more sarcastic then anything. I see where the confusion comes from though.

This guy just sounds desperate, clingy, and immature to me is all. Your long reply listing all your faults would be a sure turn off to most people (no offense)

Lol... it was intended to turn him off. I even played a lot of it up to sound worse than it is. The thing about alcohol and hallucinogens.... I admit in the past I have drank wine to calm down during a panic attack. It does help. And last year I flew to the other side of the world to participate in three Ayahuasca ceremonies. So, even though what I said it technically true, it's not as bad as it sounds.

I will be honest here, he deserves better. U barely know him and already judge him, yes an alpha would be good for u, u r bad news to this guy, stop contact for his own good.

Yes, I'm sure I am bad news. Uh huh.

Yes, I'm sure I am bad news. Uh huh.

Great, u already know what to do, make it quick pls, but let me tell u that an alpha sometimes be beta to test u out, he can be actually outsmarting u seducing u to use him and keeping him self out of serious relationships.

A sociopath is known for that kind of tricks.

A sociopath is known for that kind of tricks.

So, are you speaking from experience here or what? lmao.