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She isn't happy with me anymore.


Brutal555

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Hi, I just found out about this site and I decided to ask you guys for help. I've been dating a girl for 4 months. She has anxiety and sometimes gets panic attacks. I got to know her like nobody else did, and she really opened up to me and I never did anything to dissapoint her trust. Over those 4 months she tried to break up with me 4 times, it's always about the same reason: she blames herself for her condition, she can't have a normal relationship, she doesn't want to get attached. But she always told me how I am the best boyfriend, the best guy she knows and that I made her so happy.

Now, after 4 months of relationship she said to me that something is missing in the relationship and that she's no longer happy. She said she only wants to laugh and be happy but I had to get to know her so I sometimes wanted to talk about the things that are bothering her, and maybe that's the last thing she wanted.

She became so distant now, she's so cold, I can't even recognize her right now. She told me that maybe depression has something to do with this or maybe it doesn't. Anyway, I've been texting her and trying to reach her for the last 3-4 days and yesterday I finally decided to stop texting her and just wait for her to text me first. I really don't want her to break up with me because I guarantee that I am the one that cares for her the most and I that I am her biggest friend she had. And watching her being so cold and mean to me is just heartbreaking. She may even be playing some of her "games" but I did so much for her that I really don't deserve to be put in any kind of games or something like that.

Any advises on what to do now or maybe questions about this because I can't really remember everything to write down at the moment

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It sounds like her mental state is preventing her from being in a healthy relationship right now. Until she gets her anxiety under control, there is nothing you can do. You can't fix her. She can only fix herself.

 

I think it's best to leave this relationship in the past and try to move on. It will hurt terribly at first (grief always does), but eventually your heart will heal. Give it time and do not contact her.

 

Good luck.

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It sounds like her mental state is preventing her from being in a healthy relationship right now. Until she gets her anxiety under control, there is nothing you can do. You can't fix her. She can only fix herself.

 

I think it's best to leave this relationship in the past and try to move on. It will hurt terribly at first (grief always does), but eventually your heart will heal. Give it time and do not contact her.

 

Good luck.

 

I am filled with guilt that I could've done or said things differently. But I've tried all I could do really, that should make it easier for me. It's really hard.

Thanks for the advise, I really needed it

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It sucks being in a situation like this. She has issues with depression and anxiety which she has to work on. My ex told me the same things that I was the sweetest, kindest man, etc. Then she ended it and became very cold, distant. Don't text her or call her. Just let things be for now. The worst thing I did was I tried to stay in contact, I tried to keep it going. Just go no contact. If she wants to reach out to you she will. She knows how you feel about her. It hurts, I understand. I've been going through it this whole year. Start healing yourself. Don't start thinking of what you "should have done" or "shouldn't have done". That is an endless road. You have to let go of those thoughts. You have to let go of her. When someone gets cold, distant, you have to let them be.

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You've only known her 4 mos, so you really don't know her that well. In those 4 month she ran/broke up 4 times. She os also telling you she doesn't want a relationship. I would believe her.

 

If she has mental issues let her/her doctor attend to that it's not your problem.

 

Also if she's just playing games because she's getting back with and ex or getting with others, that's yet another reason to let this go. Go no contact/ block and date girls who aren't jerking you around whether it's neurosis or bs games.

Over those 4 months she tried to break up with me 4 times, it's always about the same reason: she blames herself for her condition, she can't have a normal relationship, she doesn't want to get attached.
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And what do I do If she calls and wants us to be together again? If I do want that, do I tell her that it would be our last chance and If she tries to break up again that would be final end?

 

If she asks to get back together again, you should ask her what's changed? Fundamentally, how will things be different from the last time (and the time before that, and the time before that and...).

 

A better idea would be not to respond at all if she contacts you again. She has a host of issues to work through until she is a suitable partner to anyone.

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Why wait for a 5th break up in 4 mos and more hot/cold drama? She broke up it's a blessing. It means you are free to find someone who is not playing games and neurotic.

 

Don't you want a decent relationship? Why subject yourself to this when you know she's dumping you on/off to get with others?

And what do I do If she calls and wants us to be together again? If I do want that, do I tell her that it would be our last chance and If she tries to break up again that would be final end?
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Why wait for a 5th break up in 4 mos and more hot/cold drama? She broke up it's a blessing. It means you are free to find someone who is not playing games and neurotic.

 

Don't you want a decent relationship? Why subject yourself to this when you know she's dumping you on/off to get with others?

The problem is that for a long time I was so convinced that she's "the one" and I still think that, despite all the problems she had. I guess it's just a current feeling. I've had interest in her for 3 years, first she treated me as a brother and then when I couldn't take it anymore I stopped talking to her, then she tried to reach me for 6 months, but now I definatelly won't be the one that's gonna run for her.

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And what do I do If she calls and wants us to be together again? If I do want that, do I tell her that it would be our last chance and If she tries to break up again that would be final end?

 

Ultimatums are seldom a good thing. Maybe for an addict or such, but hanging "if you leave me again, it's for good" over someone's head isn't going to get you anywhere. I get that you're in love, but you have to examine these things through a lens of logic, not emotion. She isn't mentally healthy. She tries to leave you on an average of every four weeks. You can't go on like that. Taking her back is only asking for more heartache and drama. It's going to hurt, you're going to be lonely and full of profound sadness for a while. But time is undefeated in healing the wounds of a break up. Best wishes.

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I suggest you challenge your thought process (she's "the one"). People that are right for us don't cause this much turmoil in our lives, especially at only 4 months in. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. Let that sink in a bit.

 

Sometimes, we have to let go of the illusions we have built in our minds in order to move on. You're in denial right now. It's a normal step in the grieving process. Hang in there. Stay no contact.

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Okay so, I've been offline on facebook the whole night and I had my phone turned off. She was texting me the entire night saying things like: Where are you, I love you, I just don't want to hurt you, she even said that she'll kill herself.

I swear, no guy ever would tolerate so much crap like I do

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Wait, this massive psycho clinging from someone who 'doesn't want to get attached'?

 

You never know. It's like selling bald tires on eBay, somebody will buy them.

She's ing afraid of everything, that was her excuse for the things she was saying and doing. She told me she loves me but doesn't want to hurt me. So It turns out she's leaving me for my own good. What type of bullsh*t is that?

A

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That's a good one. That's a truckload of bs.

She told me she loves me but doesn't want to hurt me. So It turns out she's leaving me for my own good. What type of bullsh*t is that?

A

PS: There must be a list of excuses you can look up on the internet because "I'm breaking up because I don't want to hurt you" is becoming increasingly popular lately.
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Okay so, I've been offline on facebook the whole night and I had my phone turned off. She was texting me the entire night saying things like: Where are you, I love you, I just don't want to hurt you, she even said that she'll kill herself.

I swear, no guy ever would tolerate so much crap like I do

 

Don't ever tolerate someone who says they're going to kill themselves. That's extremely dramatic, immature, and manipulative. She sounds like she's full of head games. I think you should cut her off entirely.

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That's a good one. That's a truckload of bs. PS: There must be a list of excuses you can look up on the internet because "I'm breaking up because I don't want to hurt you" is becoming increasingly popular lately.

 

Everyone told me the same thing. It's just an excuse. I have a big desire for us to meet up so I can tell her everything that's on my mind so that I can feel relieved. I never expected it'll get this messed up, but I knew from the beggining that she has some problems and that she is capable of doing "games" and having those sudden mood changes

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