How to make things up with my family?

Hi all,

About a couple of weeks ago, I had an argument with my parents that escalated into something way bigger than it should have been, and suffice to say that it culminated in me telling my father that I wished him dead. Now, of course that isn't true, but naturally he was extremely offended. My parents refused to speak to me for a few hours afterwards (and rightly so). My younger sister got wind of it and refused to speak to me also.

The next morning, things were relatively normal again - I apologised, and that was more or less that. However, I have noticed, that whilst my dad is being okay with me, that he does tend to drop the odd snide remark about what I said that day. My sister is also slightly hostile to me.

My question to all you good people is - how do I put things back to how they were before? I feel like (and am) an absolute turd for what I said, but I also understand that these things take time.

Thank you in advance for any advice given.

EDIT: Just to clear things up, I am in my late teens; my parents are middle-aged. I live at home.

Hi. I used to have these kinds of fights with my parents when I was your age, and I would say the most horrible things out of anger. I wanted to suggest that maybe you could write a heartfelt card or letter, just expressing your regret, and telling him you didn't mean it, and tell him why you love and appreciate him. I think it will make both you and your dad feel better. Or do something really nice for him, like cook him breakfast or wash his car, and let him know that you're doing it because you feel bad and want to make it up to him.

I think your best bet would be to write him a letter...apologize, tell him how you feel about him, thank him for everything he's done to you, etc.

My daughter is the light of my life, my best friend...if she said that to me, it would break my heart..I can't even imagine.

You're his child, he will always love you..but that one will definitely take awhile. That will hurt his feelings and keep him up at night for days, maybe weeks, I'm sure.

Hi. I used to have these kinds of fights with my parents when I was your age, and I would say the most horrible things out of anger. I wanted to suggest that maybe you could write a heartfelt card or letter, just expressing your regret, and telling him you didn't mean it, and tell him why you love and appreciate him. I think it will make both you and your dad feel better. Or do something really nice for him, like cook him breakfast or wash his car, and let him know that you're doing it because you feel bad and want to make it up to him.

Thanks. I might just do that.

You're a teenager, you'll probably say something similar or worse in a short while. Wait until you're 21, take him out for a nice meal and apologise for everything in one big job lot. Hormones are bad news.

I would be willing to bet that most teenagers have said equally awful things to their parents.

This is fixable. Apologize and tell your father that you didn't mean what you said. Don't try to defend yourself (if you find yourself using the word "but" in your apology it usually signals defensiveness).

I have a 17-year old son. As a parent, I understand that my kids sometimes act impulsively and say things they don't mean. Yes, it would hurt my feelings and I would likely be upset for a bit. However, it would mean far more to me that my son later demonstrated genuine remorse and empathy by apologizing for his actions. That shows true character.

^^^ They are not correct. It is NOT okay to just say whatever hurtful thing you want just because "you're a teenager". And no, it's no okay to have the mindset "oh well, I'll just apologize when I'm older".

I'm glad you feel remorse. Remember how you feel right now the next time you're about to say something you don't mean and DONT say it.

No one is saying it's okay! And no one is saying not to feel remorse. But saying hateful things to your parents is par for the course of being a teenager. I seriously doubt there are many adults who could truthfully claim to have never said anything equally horrible at her age.

I cannot fathom tellin anyone "I wish you were dead". Let alone my parents. I don't think that's "par for the course". Nor do I think it's okay to let teenagers think "eh, that's normal."

I said similar back in the day. I don't know if I said those exact words, but I was full of "I hate you"s when I was a teenager. I always felt awful afterwards, and I feel horrible about it to this day. I'm not saying it's okay or that it isn't hurtful. I'm sure that it is. But I do think it's pretty typical of teenagers. Maybe I'm wrong.

^^^ They are not correct. It is NOT okay to just say whatever hurtful thing you want just because "you're a teenager". And no, it's no okay to have the mindset "oh well, I'll just apologize when I'm older".

This isn't about condoning hateful words. It's about how to make amends when one makes a mistake, something none of us are immune to.

I cannot fathom tellin anyone "I wish you were dead". Let alone my parents. I don't think that's "par for the course". Nor do I think it's okay to let teenagers think "eh, that's normal."

I think you're right - it's certainly not something I would normally say, to anyone. I completely accept that I am 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry for what I said, and I wish I'd never said it.

I agree with Love Lost, My brother and I said some messed up stuff to our parents to be honest its cringe worthy and makes me sick to my stomach the crap we put my parents through. As I got older I really started to respect my parents a lot and see things from their point of view, we still argue every once in a while but my father and I are really close now and I was as bad as a teenager as you can get lol.

with that being said, I would talk to him in private, just apologize and say you were out of line and didn't mean to say what you said and let the anger get the best out of you. he is probably just disappointed in your actions. thing is try to move on from it and not let it become a pattern.

^^^ They are not correct. It is NOT okay to just say whatever hurtful thing you want just because "you're a teenager". And no, it's no okay to have the mindset "oh well, I'll just apologize when I'm older".

 

I'm glad you feel remorse. Remember how you feel right now the next time you're about to say something you don't mean and DONT say it.

Name one poster who said that it was okay to wish a parent died. No one said that it was ok. They're saying that sometimes people say things they regret, especially teens. You're going to tell me you have never said something you regret? No one said apologize when the OP is older.