Facebook chat and real life...

Hello everyone. Been a while since I've posted, had some ridiculous problems in my private life and just haven't had access to a computer.

Anyway.

So long story short here;

I've recently had sex with this girl I used to have sex with before and we get on great (I genuinely like her a lil more than sex but not sure if its time to say that yet, we're both on the same level, I think.).

Basically, she invited me to come back up her house tomorrow (when I was up her house yesterday) for a little get together... I was cool with that. So I messaged her on Facebook asking like "what time shall I come up?" kinda message and it was nothing weird or anything... And she just sees it and ignores it. But then I know tomorrow she will probably pop up and still ask me to go.

It just sends my anxiety sky high when they read it and dont reply because I'm just here like "what if she actually doesn't want me to come?" but I don't think that is how it is, really. We get on really well and she already invited me yesterday.

Am I just being impatient? Maybe a little insane?

I just dunno why, I really like this girl and when she doesn't reply it makes me a little mad.

Her friend just said "treating you mean to keep you keen" and I was like okay I guess maybe she is.

I'm still gonna turn up tomorrow because she did tell me yesterday that anytime is fine, but I just wanted a few more specifics because I'm really organised like that.

Sorry guys. I just have really bad anxiety and I just can't calm down sometimes about little things. Drives me up the wall.

Am I overthinking?

Text her to confirm.

does she do this often? or just this one time? it could've been an honest mistake where she just forgot or is really busy but if she's doing this all the time and trying to play "hard to get" just let her know very casually that it's annoying.. it's one thing for her to ignore you when it's just senseless talking but not when you're asking a legitimate question. Good luck!

does she do this often? or just this one time? it could've been an honest mistake where she just forgot or is really busy but if she's doing this all the time and trying to play "hard to get" just let her know very casually that it's annoying.. it's one thing for her to ignore you when it's just senseless talking but not when you're asking a legitimate question. Good luck!

All the f'n time.

I just told her that it's giving me mixed signals... One minute she wants me to see her the next minute shes ignoring me like. Drives me insane. Didn't say it drove me insane.

Just wanna be put straight.

Another way of looking at this (because the unreplied to messages drive me nuts as well). Whatever the reason behind it, this is now a person who is flaky with their communication. Consider that the price of admission. Is everything else about her fantastic enough to counter balance the anxiety caused by her silence? (That anxiety, is almost certainly on the money. She'd be replying much quicker if she was keen).

Another way of looking at this (because the unreplied to messages drive me nuts as well). Whatever the reason behind it, this is now a person who is flaky with their communication. Consider that the price of admission. Is everything else about her fantastic enough to counter balance the anxiety caused by her silence? (That anxiety, is almost certainly on the money. She'd be replying much quicker if she was keen).

Yeah really nice way of putting it actually, I appreciate it.

It's kinda getting to the point where it just feels like it has to be on her side of things and not a 2 way street.

Reciprocity is always a good thing to look for. (Still, it's hard to murder hope even when it's lacking). The cliches prevail, while you're waaaaiting for her, call someone who loves your face, and throw yourself into a hobby or thing you want to learn, carry on as if she never existed (ugh, hard, I know, I'm bad at it!)

Reciprocity is always a good thing to look for. (Still, it's hard to murder hope even when it's lacking). The cliches prevail, while you're waaaaiting for her, call someone who loves your face, and throw yourself into a hobby or thing you want to learn, carry on as if she never existed (ugh, hard, I know, I'm bad at it!)

Yeah. I guess I just have to let it all go now...

Meh. I hate it. Drives me so insane. Genuinely like this girl too.

Call me hopeful.. but I don't think you should call everything off just yet.. maybe she doesn't like to text? it's not like she's ignoring you all together she's asking you to hang out so that's a good sign. Try to find out WHY she's not responding and that'll give you a better idea whether to stay or let go. if she says sorry I'm really just not a texting type of person, maybe it's because she genuinely might not be, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to see you. Maybe she thinks not responding will make you want her more, that's where you say it's doing the exact opposite and maybe she'll stop then. If she doesn't give you a good answer and you feel comfortable enough with her, tell her that's its creating a wedge in your relationship and it really pisses you off. The entire problem you're having with her is lack of communication, but if you just break things off without saying anything you're doing he exact same thing to her, and it'll be harder to let go if you don't get closure.

Can you try contacting her again to firm up those specifics?

I'm still gonna turn up tomorrow because she did tell me yesterday that anytime is fine, but I just wanted a few more specifics because I'm really organised like that

Can you try contacting her again to firm up those specifics?

oooo matron....

Has it occurred to you that she simply needed to think about and work some things out before getting back to you with a time? Have you thought that people do have other things to do and just because they read your e-mail/chat/whatever message, doesn't mean they can instantly respond or even have the info available?

Your anxiety is overblown and it's up to you to learn how to manage it or just plain get over it. Expecting someone to respond instantly is a road to madness. So perhaps disable all the message read notifications so you don't drive yourself crazy about when they read them/when they got back to you, so that you can go on about your day better. Contact them again later in the evening or next morning if they still haven't responded. Follow up only once and then don't reach out again.

Other than that, you teach people how to treat you. If you like to confirm plans the night before, that's reasonable. Just so long as you understand that night before is a broad time frame. If they don't get back to you at all, then you make other plans and if they come to you the next day saying how come you cancelled seeing them, then just politely explain that since they never got back to you to confirm, you had no choice but to go ahead and make other plans for yourself. Resist the "but I want to see her". You've already seen each other just the other day AND you need to respect yourself and set up some boundaries and expectations on behavior.

What will happen is either she'll respect you for it and will make an effort going forward to confirm in a timely manner or she will be herself and totally flaky regardless and then you will need to make that decision on whether you can handle a flaky person or not.

If you want an answer from someone immediately, call them.

Personally, I live a busy life and work shift work. The downside of being having all these things (Facebook, texts, whatsapp, etc.) on your phone is if you're in the middle of something and it buzzes, it's easy to look down and read it....but in the moment not being able to reply. I'll usually forget, especially since it's usually very minor stuff.

To have this level of anxiety over not getting a response is not normal though.

If a friend or family member reads my message and doesn't get back to me right away, its no problem. When its someone I like or am dating, it bothers me. I try to remind myself that we are all busy and to just let it go, but its hard sometimes. Its obvious that you like her more then she likes you at the moment so she will wait until she is ready to tell you what time to come around. Another thing I hate is the term, "busy". We are all busy and texting takes 2 seconds. Its not a texting marathon you want, just a answer to your question. Not to difficult to do.

If you can, do what lala said, go see a friend, make other plans and try to forget about it for now. If she never reaches out to you you have your answer. If you two start dating seriously, you can tell her what your communication style is and hopefully she will at least try to respond in a quicker time frame.

Yeah. I guess I just have to let it all go now...

 

Meh. I hate it. Drives me so insane. Genuinely like this girl too.

The anxiety we feel when people don't behave they way we want, or expect them to is really wasted energy. She is not going to change. No matter how much you reason or plead or beg. You can't manipulate her into changing, you can't shame or intimidate her into changing. It is very peaceful when we realize we have no control over other people's behavior. And it's very powerful when we take control over our own behavior.

Decide if you can tolerate this or not. If you can't, use your power to end it. If you can tolerate, then accept it peacefully as a sacrifice you're going to make for her.