How screwed am I?

So my ex who I broke up with four months or so ago had been talking to me for most of that time. Let me stress that this was a long distance relationship that we had kept going for almost two years by seeing each other once every other month, so we kept in touch for the entire time by cell phone and texting, literally every single day, and even did that after the break up, which was pretty clean. We wanted to try and stay friends since we had been friends for like a decade even before dating. I considered her my best friend in the world, and she did the same. Unfortunately, we ended up getting into quite a few post break up fights when she finally got a new boyfriend. Now it was pretty clear that he was gonna be a rebound relationship, but nonetheless I got a little depressed about it and it seemed like every other word I said made her feel guilty over it. Me talking to her apparently ended up ruining her relationship with that guy. She doesn't necessarily say she blames me, but if we hadnt been who we are to each other than I'm sure she would have.

After that, we start talking again and we do great, really friendly. Then one day out of the blue she finds another guy and this time she thinks he's "the one." Of course that used to be me, so you never know. But as she tells me this, I ask what's his name out of curiosity and she says she won't tell me. And I'm doing the best I can to stay cool about it. Like not even trying hard to be cool, just trying hard to convince her that I am. But it doesn't work. She says she's done with everything and has to consider him and his feelings. So she says that we can't be friends anymore, blocks me on Facebook and stops talking to me.

Now this fresh hell is completely new to me, because after having texted each other every single day for two years without missing a day, not being in contact with her was killing me. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't go through the day without thinking about her nonstop. I wasn't even like this before she stopped contact, I was perfectly fine, getting over everything, trying to find a new girlfriend (which was stupidly harder for me than for her). But after being told she doesn't want to be friends anymore, that now I was just "someone she used to date," I felt like I literally wanted to die for a week. We were best friends, I don't understand, was I really that bad? Being unable to withstand the suicidal tendencies any longer, I break down and contact her after about five days, begging her to just be my friend again. She responds coldly, saying that even if we were to be friends again, nothing would ever be the same because even before we dated she had always loved me, but she doesn't love me anymore, and that she knew it was hard for me to go through but kindest thing anyone ever did to her was ignore her. She must have been talking about her first ex after me. I tell her that I'll always be her friend. The next thing that happens is she full out blocks me on literally everything. I figure it out first on whatsapp, and then rush to everything else we've ever communicated on only to find that I've been blocked every which way. The only thing I could ever do to stay in touch with her again is probably send her a letter, or take the train to her state again and show up on her front door--and no, I'm not gonna go that far.

Did I just lose my best friend in the world? I know that maybe I've kept reserves that one day we could maybe get back together, but I had been over it. I really had been. Now I can't go a day without thinking about her. Honestly, how screwed am I? Will I ever see her again? Does she really not want to be friends anymore? If I do see her again it'll probably be years from now after she has a husband and kids or something. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm lonelier than I ever have been in my life. Decade old best friends aren't something you come across every day...

This is blessing in disguise remaining in contact when she's moved on to what she thinks is the 'the one' is just torturing yourself. focus on moving on as well and start meeting new women.

she finds another guy and this time she thinks he's "the one." .She says she's done with everything and has to consider him and his feelings. So she says that we can't be friends anymore, blocks me on Facebook and stops talking to me.

This is another great example of why people should go NC after a break. You CANNOT be friends when feelings are involved!

You get out and keep busy : take classes, volunteer, work out etc..... Get out and try new activities and meet new people, you will get over this.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am in a somewhat similar position. I was in a LDR and when she ended it we remained "friends". At first contact was the same, everyday texting and calling. Gradually it began to fade. She began to not answer texts or phone calls. when I did speak to her she would often tell me about guys she was talking to, once even mentioning having to get a pregnancy test. I never said anything but it was all hurting me. At this point communication was only when she wanted it. She met some guy at work and that was it. She stopped calling me. It hurts. It feels awful because you lost someone that has been part of your everyday life for years. They just vanish. For me, the worst part was just realizing she cared nothing for me anymore. There was nothing I could do. I'm still hurting.

Slowly you have to let go. Realize that she made the decision to end it. It was her choice. Same for me. It sucks and honestly no words are going to make you feel better. You will just start getting better in time. It was probably for the best in my case because I still cared for her too much. Right now you are going through the withdrawal of losing that daily contact. It sucks. There are days I want to disappear and be gone forever. Yet, we have to press on.

10 years ago - During my teenage years, when my international crush of 5 years told me her that we were better off as friends. I was upset but agreed with her to stay as friends. Eventually I got over her.

I always considered her one of my closest friends and to this day I still consider her as an important friend.

However it was only 2 years after that speech that I finally understood that when you break up with someone, you aren't just breaking off romantically. More often than not, you are also losing one of your closest friend. Even though I was no longer romantically involved with her any more, I was crushed at that prospect.

It's why in my most recent and real first break up of 6 years. Even though we have agreed to stay as friends, I'm also mourning the loss of my future with her as both a romantic partner and a friend.

I'm sorry you are probably going to go through this.

It's not impossible to still have a good friendship with an ex but I don't really know other people do it. All my experiences so far from my surrounding groups is that people are either no longer in touch with their ex, or that their friendships are more like old friendships that you catch up once per year or so.

Either way, the contrast in friendship will be very painful, knowing what you once had.