Gardeningfool Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I started dating a new man. He is a 38 year old chemistry teacher. I have been seeing him since the end of june. We are really just dating. We have slept together (I have previously posted about that) This week we both happened to be vacationing near eachother. He went away with his while family and I am solo traveling. He is in Cape may and I am in Atlantic city. Yesturday I checked in rather early and I knew that he was coming here with his family for dinner. I was laying by the pool and he totally suprised me. We had a wonderful day at the pool. He went to shower and I did as well. He invited me to have dinner with him and his family and I declined feeling uncomfortable about meeting his family so early. He went to dinner and after we hung out for awhile. Played in the casino and had sex. He also did introduce me to his parents and brother. He then left with his family. I kind of asked him if he was seeing someone and I'm not sure what he said. He said something along the lines of we are getting to know one another and women do not fall in his lap. He seems to be interested but I'm not sure. I don't really want to ask him again. We don't communicate everyday which is fine however I think it's bothering me that I don't know where I stand. Im not rushing into anything but I know I need some reassurance. I like this man alot and want to continue playing it cool and do the right thing. I wait for him to contact me and he does. I don't know if it's sex he is interested in or he is actually interested in me. I had my period one night when we hung out and it was fun. The next time I saw him was maybe 3 days later and my period was over at that time. He actually didn't bring condoms saying he wasn't expecting anything. He seems to be a man who is decent and honorable but why don't I hear from him more. He is a school teacher and off for the summer. We have been seeing eachother about once a week. I don't know if it's me. I told him I wanted to take this very slowly maybe that's what he is doing. I have been really hurt. Maybe I'm having a hard time trusting someone again I just don't know. I am so unsure. I have never had the real type of dating experience. I have always dated we enjoyed eachother company and got together. This is different. He is older then me by 7 years, owns a home, has alot of close friends, seems to not be a rush. Help me!! I don't even know what I need help with but I don't want to ruin this. Any ideas? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Do you think you might be playing so cool that there is no momentum to the relationship? I mean you want to spend more time together, what have you done to make that happen? There is a point where being so utterly passive is no longer cool, but a liability and either a pain in the neck where one person has to do pull ALL the load and do all the contacting and organizing OR it simply indicates lack of interest/connection on your part and so the other person will hedge their bets with you and eventually drift away, ironically sending you into vicious cycle of failed relationships. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 It sounds like it's going well. You don't have to play it too cool. It's fine to say at this point, particularly since you are having sex, that you would like to be exclusive.I kind of asked him if he was seeing someone and I'm not sure what he said. He said something along the lines of we are getting to know one another and women do not fall in his lap. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I kind of asked him if he was seeing someone and I'm not sure what he said. He said something along the lines of we are getting to know one another and women do not fall in his lap. He seems to be interested but I'm not sure. I don't really want to ask him again. I'm not sure how sleeping with him, despite not knowing if he's even "interested" is called "taking it slow?" It's your call, but taking the time to get to know one another may give you a better idea of the level of interest, as well as eliminating the question of where you stand. Link to comment
jujusamples Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 You sound very conflicted. First my advice to you is to sort out what is it you need vs what you want? Brainstorm it, write it down. Get some clarity and when you sort it out, you talk to him about it. You can't tell someone you want to take it slow, than expect him to rush into things. It's very confusing. You are not communicating clear enough and I don't blame him for taking things slow because you told him that's what you wanted. However, I assume things have changed and you have more feelings for him now? It just takes communications. Don't over analyze. That's what I did when I was still dating.Did nothing good for me except it drove me crazy. You need to be direct and tell him your needs and wants. Of course, don't be unrealistic like I want a million dollars to buy a yacht. The reason I mentioned to write it down, so you could be clear on what you want to tell him. He's not a mind reader, he's just going by what you told him, that you want to take things slow. If he keeps calling you than he's crossing your boundaries, which I'm assuming he doesn't want to do. So just tell him how you feel. I'm pretty sure he will understand. If he doesn't than at least you will know what his true intentions are. You don't kind of ask or assume. You ask and communicate. That's what adults do in a relationship. I believe he sees a future with you that's why he didn't mind introducing you to his family. He seems happy with you, he came to you at the pool. He could have pretended he never saw you if he didn't enjoy your company. I'd say you talk to him, don't let your negative self talk ruin what potentially be a good thing. I'll tell you story, this will maybe help you think more positively. I was dating this guy, I thought things were great and so on. (this guy lead me on for 2 years) We went out somewhere and he was driving my car. He needed to drop something off at his brother's place. You know what he did? He dropped me off and I sat at bench outside for 45 mins at a random spot. I didn't know the city or the area. He did that because he didn't want his brother to meet or see me. I said that's fine, I'll just drop you off and just park down the street and wait for you. He said, no, I don't want the chance of him knowing who am with. Boy was I stupid! I did leave that relationship right after and never look back. Point is your bf has no issues with you meeting his family and even invited you for dinner with them. That speaks volume and it really shows that he sees some future with you. As in a serious relationship. People don't just randomly let someone they don't think they have a future together with meet their family, especially their parents. Hope this helps. Good luck! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I don't understand how folks can sleep with others, but are uncomfortable asking if they are seeing others. Personally, if I were sleeping with someone, I would want to know if he was intimate with others - wouldn't be cool for me. You did not get an answer to your question. I would ask again, and if he has a problem with it, he's not for you. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Point is your bf has no issues with you meeting his family and even invited you for dinner with them. That speaks volume and it really shows that he sees some future with you. As in a serious relationship. People don't just randomly let someone they don't think they have a future together with meet their family, especially their parents. Hope this helps. Good luck! Well, most people don't randomly let someone they don't think they have a future together with meet their family but we know one guy who has no qualms in bringing any one of his many girlfriends to dinner. His mother needed a picture of each one with their name under it so she'd know which one it was he said was coming. Such a player and still single at 50... never been married. Put a whole new spin on "Guess Whose Coming To Dinner." Link to comment
jujusamples Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Well, most people don't randomly let someone they don't think they have a future together with meet their family but we know one guy who has no qualms in bringing any one of his many girlfriends to dinner. His mother needed a picture of each one with their name under it so she'd know which one it was he said was coming. Such a player and still single at 50... never been married. Put a whole new spin on "Guess Whose Coming To Dinner." Oh wow! I learn something new on ENA everyday! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 You're playing candle in the wind with what you want. If you are relationship material, that's the first thing I'd establish with any guy I intend to continue seeing, and I'd want to learn exactly where I stand with anyone before sleeping with him. When I have sex, I bond, so it's important for me to select carefully who, exactly, I'll bond with. I would be less passive. I'd meet the guy for next date, during which I'd wait for an appropriate time to raise that I adore him, and I'm enjoying getting to know him, but I consider myself to be relationship material, and I'd like to know whether he considers me to be someone he'd like to see exclusively. If the answer is ambiguous, I wouldn't let that stand without clarity. I'd ask him what that means. I'd also be prepared to hear that he doesn't view himself as ready for exclusivity, and I'd be patient enough to let him talk about his reasons for that. I'd then tell him that I really like him, and I could picture myself dating him in the future if he ever decides that he'd like to try a relationship with me. In that case, he can contact me, and if I'm still available, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best. My goal would be to get myself out of the eggshell walk 'around' what I want. I certainly wouldn't sleep with him again without establishing where I stand and where I want to stand with him. I'd give him the time and space to figure that out if he's not ready to consider it, but I wouldn't hang around the periphery of his life hoping that my passivity and compliance will change his mind. Skip that. If we're a 'meant to be' deal, I'd want to learn that in the comfort and security of mutual interest in the same thing--and if not, twirling around him isn't how I'd be willing to spend my time. I'd rather invest my focus on getting over him. Head high. Link to comment
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