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Living with an unfaithful partner


penmae

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So I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now. Two months ago I transferred locations for work to live with him. It took some serious fighting to be able to move jobs. I moved into an apartment with him and signed a one year lease on a new apartment for the 1st. We are supposed to move this weekend, but I found out that he cheated on me with five different people over the past six months. Our relationship was rocky to begin with, and I wanted to work on it and make things better between us, but now I don't know if I can. I am stuck on this lease. My options are to stay with him and try to work it out, let them move into the apartment while paying rent but not living there, or sublease the apartment completely. I put a pretty large deposit down on it that would not be refunded if I chose to not move in at all and get "evicted". I am in need of some serious guidance.

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Our relationship was rocky to begin with
...then... why... transfer... and... why... sign... a 12 month... lease... (this is me crawling in a desert of confusion trying desperately to reach an oasis of reason)

 

Alright.. well, I don't know a single landlord who doesn't allow a [screened and approved] name to take over another on a lease. See if you can do that and start putting out craigslist ads for anyone interested in taking over. Generally speaking, you don't even need the co-tenant's approval, just the management's.

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Yes, let them take the apt. so you can get out of the lease and cut your losses.

 

The thing is since my name is on it I would still have to pay rent if they took the apartment. I cant sublease just my spot because we would be sharing the room.

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Losing your deposit is a cheap price to pay for your freedom from this cheater, your sanity, and getting yourself out of a year long nightmare.

 

In your shoes, I'd talk to the landlord, let them know the situation and get out of the lease. You never know, they might be sympathetic enough to you to actually help you out and get you at least a part of the deposit back. You might be surprised what strangers might do for you sometimes.

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Are you the only one on the lease?

 

No it is my name, his, and his best friends. Which means I either have to let them move in and pay rent while not living there, or they find a new apartment in the next three days and either lose the deposit or also need to find subleasers.

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No it is my name, his, and his best friends. Which means I either have to let them move in and pay rent while not living there, or they find a new apartment in the next three days and either lose the deposit or also need to find subleasers.

 

What makes you think you cannot reach an agreement so a new lease is signed with the 2 remaining tenants? The landlord only cares that rent is paid so if your bf and his friend can provide sufficient assurance of that, you can be off the hook .

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It sounds like you want to go through with this so you can save a couple bucks and be their maid while your 'bf' fools around. Are you desperate for housing? Why can't you contact a tenant/landlord attorney to get realistic advice on breaking a lease? Particularly if you cosigned under supposedly false pretenses. (you would be an exclusive couple)

No it is my name, his, and his best friends.
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What makes you think you cannot reach an agreement so a new lease is signed with the 2 remaining tenants? The landlord only cares that rent is paid so if your bf and his friend can provide sufficient assurance of that, you can be off the hook .

 

they would not be able to afford the lease on their own.

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It does not make logical sense to agree to pay the lease and not live in the appartement or convinving yourself you should move in in fear of losing the deposit.

 

The equation is simple:

 

security deposit

 

I think you are not quite ready to let go and trying to find reasons to stay.

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It does not make logical sense to agree to pay the lease and not live in the appartement or convinving yourself you should move in in fear of losing the deposit.

 

The equation is simple:

 

security deposit

 

I think you are not quite ready to let go and trying to find reasons to stay.

 

Agreed 100%.

 

Losing your deposit is cheaper than paying rent you aren't using.

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I'd agree, but we're also talking an eviction. That's not a light cross to bear over the next several years. Have your boyfriend and his friend talked to the landlord about cheaper units they may be able to transfer to?

 

What's the penalty for early termination of the lease? I'd say even if it takes paying a disproportionate chunk of it for them, it really may be in your best interests. Really, if you eat an eviction, the security deposit you lose would be the least of your worries.

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Given that it will be far more expensive for you to be paying two rents, why is it you're arguing about having to take a hit on the lease breaking? That's a one-time expense as opposed to a 12-month paying two rents. And what are you going to do if he and his bestie decide to stiff the landlord then blame you. I mean, come on. This is a serial cheater we're talking about here, what part of not probably going to hold to a financial agreement and not going to screw you over any more than he has do you not get?

 

Break your lease, let the boys have it, tell them good luck with that and get out of this mess ASAP. Before he puts you into the poorhouse with worse.

 

Don't try to use the excuse of it'll cost you to cling to a clearly dead relationship, which is really kind of what your'e doing since the idea that it's cheaper to pay double rent is better than the idea of just making a clean break of it altogether. Let them have the apartment, break the lease to the landlord and just go.

 

It's done. Contact the landlord, tell her or him you are breaking your lease, they're staying, pay your portion and just go. Don't even consult them, just do it. You need to become a bit more ruthless about protecting yourself from someone who clearly doesn't give a you know what about you.

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Given that it will be far more expensive for you to be paying two rents, why is it you're arguing about having to take a hit on the lease breaking? That's a one-time expense as opposed to a 12-month paying two rents. And what are you going to do if he and his bestie decide to stiff the landlord then blame you. I mean, come on. This is a serial cheater we're talking about here, what part of not probably going to hold to a financial agreement and not going to screw you over any more than he has do you not get?

 

Break your lease, let the boys have it, tell them good luck with that and get out of this mess ASAP. Before he puts you into the poorhouse with worse.

 

Don't try to use the excuse of it'll cost you to cling to a clearly dead relationship, which is really kind of what your'e doing since the idea that it's cheaper to pay double rent is better than the idea of just making a clean break of it altogether. Let them have the apartment, break the lease to the landlord and just go.

 

It's done. Contact the landlord, tell her or him you are breaking your lease, they're staying, pay your portion and just go. Don't even consult them, just do it. You need to become a bit more ruthless about protecting yourself from someone who clearly doesn't give a you know what about you.

The pickle is the two of them can't afford it on their own. I don't say that because she should feel bad for them, but because that most likely means they were approved based on their combined income and credit.

 

Most states have laws that require landlords to mitigate if possible, which means if there's a suitable candidate who can pick up the lease, they need to allow a tenant to terminate. However, the OP kinda screwed the pooch signing onto a lease with three names for a 2BR apartment. They'd have to find someone willing to share a bedroom or sacrifice the common living area. Not ideal. Hopefully the OP has a copy of the lease and can find any conditions for early termination and whether she has the option to do so on an individual basis or if all tenants need to agree.

 

Really, if the landlord isn't a complete ***hole, he'll be happy to simply keep the deposit and terminate the lease for them. One month's rent is fair considering they haven't even moved in yet.

 

Wait... OP, have you actually spoken to the landlord / management?

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They haven't moved in together yet. It's not breaking the lease until you get the keys. All she loses is any deposit paid.

 

Exactly! And why is it her problem the cheating partner and his friend can't afford a place on their own anyways? The insanity here is she was willing to go through with the whole thing tail tucked between her legs and pay an entire year's worth of double rent instead of standing up for herself, backing out and moving on.

 

Maybe OP, you can afford a double rent? If so I envy you, but it's still going to be a whole lot more money than just saying, "Nope fellas, I'm not moving in," call the landlord, pony up whatever money you have to get out of it, then move on without the cheater.

 

Really, there just isn't another solution on the table at all. That's the point I was making.

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