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I recently broke up with my ex of three years. It was a very abusive relationship, not physically but emotionally and mentally. I was controlled and scared to leave I lost all of my friends, I pretty much was forgotten. One night this guy I've had a thing for ever sense I can remember hit me up asking if he could stop by. He said he and his "girl" had just broken up 2 weeks prior and he didn't want to be alone. At this point in my relationship with my ex I was trying to find a way to break up with him but he just didn't want me to leave. Well this kid... Mark, he came over and we just caught up and talked about old times when we use to hangout. Well the next weekend I went out and ran into him. The whole time we were out we talked... pretty much inseparable. When the bar closed he asked if he could come over, I didn't really want to be alone so I said yeah why not. Well one thing led to another and yeah you know. After that we texted a few times nothing serious, didn't hang out or see each other for 2 weeks. Then last weekend I went out and again he was there and we talked, laughed, had a good time, and again he came over after we were done drinking. But this time it was a little different. It wasn't straight into hooking up we talked yeah things might have got a little touchy feely but when we got out of the hot tub we got on the roof and watched the sunrise and just laid there his arm around me holding hands. I just felt so comfortable... I don't even know how to describe it. We have always been flirty and touchy around each other and we both knew we were attracted to one other. But this is where it gets complicated... him and his girl had gotten back together prior to the last time we had hung out. I can't say I didn't know because he had told me but there is just something about him I can't resist and well alcohol. But while we were on the roof he said to me that I had given him a lot to think about... with his girlfriend like if he wanted to break up with her, I'm guessing that's what he meant. Well I we haven't really talked and I don't want to text him, I want to give him some space to think. I'm hoping I'll see him out this weekend, I guess what I need help with is whether I should tell him how I feel or just leave it alone. Being with him was just so exciting and fun, like I do not remember a time where I have felt so alive. I don't want to be in a relationship I just... don't want him to be in one either lol. As selfish as that sounds, I want to be able to randomly hang out with him and not have to worry about his girlfriend. I mean he said he was happy but obviously something is going on if he wants to hang out with me. Maybe he just fell out of love with her but she is his best friend so he is scared to lose her? I don't know but I need help with knowing whether I should say something to him!!

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You block him so he can't get through to you and then you get professional help to improve your self esteem so that you believe that you deserve more then some cheater. You've jumped right out of the frying pan, into the fire with a cheater and an emotional abuser.

 

Why don't you think you deserve better then then what you get yourself into?

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So you both cheated and had some hook-ups. It happens. Does he want to continue cheating on her and hooking up with you? Ask him.

When the bar closed he asked if he could come over, I didn't really want to be alone so I said yeah why not.... him and his girl had gotten back together prior to the last time we had hung out. I want to be able to randomly hang out with him and not have to worry about his girlfriend.
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I mean he said he was happy but obviously something is going on if he wants to hang out with me. Maybe he just fell out of love with her but she is his best friend so he is scared to lose her?

 

If you honestly believe this, I have a bridge for sale that's worth millions. Seriously, he's with her because he wants to be, while also having a side dish as an extra bonus. What a catch!

 

At any rate, there's no bargain to be had here.

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As someone who has escaped an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship (left when it finally turned physically abusive) I am going to tell you that you need to stop looking to men or anyone, but you really, for your own happiness and well-being.

 

First off, you block the ex on everything and if he persists you get a restraining order out on him. Next you call up the friends, the good ones you know will take you back, and you apologize to them for letting someone like him cut them out of your life. See if you can repair any of those, if you can't make new friends.

 

Second, you tell "Mark" to go jump in the lake and you aren't interested in exchanging on shippy relationship for a new one. And you block and delete him.

 

Third, you get into therapy and/or you start educating yourself on what abusive relationships look like, the red flags to watch for, compare them against your own experiences and work on putting together a life you are happy in that does not involve anyone else.

 

Fourth, you take at least a year off of any relationships. When you're leaving an abusive relationship you are doubly vulnerable to every bad person out there, every serial cheater or other abusive person, because you don't have any boundaries, your self-respect is at an all-time low, and you just aren't in any position to be able to see the truth from lies and flattery designed to hoover you in. You need time to recover and stay single before you up and run off with the first guy that pays you a bit of attention and acts nice. They all act nice in the beginning, but their actions once they get comfortable with you should tell you more than anything they say whether this is a good person or not. Mark has put you into a position of cheating with him on his girlfriend, so no Mark is NOT a good guy.

 

You've exchanged one form of emotional abuse and manipulation for another is all. So walk away from all of them and focus on yourself.

 

And yes, I know it's going to be difficult. It's just you will run from bad relationship to bad relationship if you don't break this cycle NOW and start to respect yourself more than anyone else out there.

 

To whit, play this video and listen to this wise woman's words. After six decades of life I wish someone had told me these things before I let myself get involved with people I knew were bad news nearly from the get-go. Good luck and I do wish you well. You have a chance here and now to turn your life around, but that means you need to get good at saying no to people who you know are not looking out for you.

 

You need to look out for yourself. Anyways, listen to this video, this girl speaks nothing but the truth. From someone who has been where you are and survived. Or how I got a happy life without having to depend on crappy people. [video=youtube;JwrJ-r4wBBE] ]

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So you both cheated and had some hook-ups. It happens. Does he want to continue cheating on her and hooking up with you? Ask him.

 

No I didn't I had broke up with my ex before anything happened but I told him I don't feel comfortable doing anything else if they are together

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If you honestly believe this, I have a bridge for sale that's worth millions. Seriously, he's with her because he wants to be, while also having a side dish as an extra bonus. What a catch!

 

At any rate, there's no bargain to be had here.

 

Yeah I know I'm not going to say anything unless he says something to me first

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As someone who has escaped an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship (left when it finally turned physically abusive) I am going to tell you that you need to stop looking to men or anyone, but you really, for your own happiness and well-being.

 

First off, you block the ex on everything and if he persists you get a restraining order out on him. Next you call up the friends, the good ones you know will take you back, and you apologize to them for letting someone like him cut them out of your life. See if you can repair any of those, if you can't make new friends.

 

Second, you tell "Mark" to go jump in the lake and you aren't interested in exchanging on shippy relationship for a new one. And you block and delete him.

 

Third, you get into therapy and/or you start educating yourself on what abusive relationships look like, the red flags to watch for, compare them against your own experiences and work on putting together a life you are happy in that does not involve anyone else.

 

Fourth, you take at least a year off of any relationships. When you're leaving an abusive relationship you are doubly vulnerable to every bad person out there, every serial cheater or other abusive person, because you don't have any boundaries, your self-respect is at an all-time low, and you just aren't in any position to be able to see the truth from lies and flattery designed to hoover you in. You need time to recover and stay single before you up and run off with the first guy that pays you a bit of attention and acts nice. They all act nice in the beginning, but their actions once they get comfortable with you should tell you more than anything they say whether this is a good person or not. Mark has put you into a position of cheating with him on his girlfriend, so no Mark is NOT a good guy.

 

You've exchanged one form of emotional abuse and manipulation for another is all. So walk away from all of them and focus on yourself.

 

And yes, I know it's going to be difficult. It's just you will run from bad relationship to bad relationship if you don't break this cycle NOW and start to respect yourself more than anyone else out there.

 

To whit, play this video and listen to this wise woman's words. After six decades of life I wish someone had told me these things before I let myself get involved with people I knew were bad news nearly from the get-go. Good luck and I do wish you well. You have a chance here and now to turn your life around, but that means you need to get good at saying no to people who you know are not looking out for you.

 

You need to look out for yourself. Anyways, listen to this video, this girl speaks nothing but the truth. From someone who has been where you are and survived. Or how I got a happy life without having to depend on crappy people.

 

You're right I haven't had time to watch the video but I will thank you.

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