DaKittensMeow Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I guess this is a somewhat petty argument in the grand scheme of things but I'd like to get a few objective opinions here because I feel like doing that will help me resolve future conflicts. Get a different perspective, etc. My long term boyfriend and I live together. This weekend I got the sick and basically spent a good portion of it "worshipping the porcelain gods" in the bathroom. It didn't stop til about 6pm Sunday at which point I ate a couple crackers and passed out until my alarm went off for work Monday morning. Got up, got ready for work and left. Come home and my boyfriend is upset with me for not cleaning the toilet yet. (He goes to work and comes home before me.) Mind you, none of the puke was on the seat or anywhere outside the toilet bowl. Just like 2-3 specks inside that yes needed to be cleaned up but since it wasn't in an area that anybody's skin should ever touch I figured it could wait until the following evening. So I told him he was being unreasonable and frankly rather insensitive to my being sick. It was too soon to be upset about it and it felt like he was expecting me to be some perfect little 1950's housewife. He told me I was reacting too emotionally and that I was gross for leaving it like that. And then it pretty much snowballed from there into an argument about housework in general yada yada.. The way I see it, I barely slept Friday or Saturday so what was I supposed to do- set my alarm so that I got up early to clean the toilet before work? It may have been a longer night than usual but my body was clearly taking the time to heal. He also hates the smell of cleaning chemicals and is up getting ready for work roughly two hours before me so even if I had been crazy enough to do that I would have probably been stinking up the bathroom with cleaner while he's getting ready. Unless I got up even earlier and that certainly wasn't going to happen since I'd slept no more than 3 hrs combined the previous two nights. And I mean your GF spends all weekend puking her guts out and the main thing you're focused on is when the toilet bowl is getting cleaned? Seriously? So what's the verdict? How should we approach future situations like this? Where did we go wrong? Link to comment
jennydanielle7 Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Honestly, you had every right to be upset with his inconsiderate and insensitive comment. Its perfectly understandable that you had no energy or willpower to clean up the toilet boil since you were previously sick and had barely any hours to sleep. I would just talk to him; however, approach it in a calm manner. Talk it out like adults, and tell him how you truly feel and how he should be a little bit more understanding regarding the situation, and also that you will try to clean up better if it ever happens again BUT like I said; he needs to be more understanding. Just communicate, tell him how you felt, and go from there. Link to comment
jujusamples Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 ummm... I don't want to be judgmental but your boyfriend seems a little controlling? He couldn't help clean the toilet since you are sick? Plus, if something bothers him that badly, he can't just do it? I'm pretty sure if he got sick, you would have cleaned it if it bothers you? You are right, it's petty and it's nitpicking! Is that something to even argue or leads into an argument about? I'm not sure how to approach this in the future. He just sounds a little inconsiderate. Not sure how to deal with that. Maybe when he's sick, you leave his mess, and let him know it feels? Make sure to get mad at him the next day for not cleaning after himself. I really feel for you though, you were sick, he should have been more caring and considerate. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Come home and my boyfriend is upset with me for not cleaning the toilet yet. (He goes to work and comes home before me.) Mind you, none of the puke was on the seat or anywhere outside the toilet bowl. Just like 2-3 specks inside that yes needed to be cleaned up but since it wasn't in an area that anybody's skin should ever touch I figured it could wait until the following evening. Ewwwwwwwwwwww But seriously, couldn't he just flush the toilet? Where was he the whole time you were sick? Seems a little insensitive. Does he help out with the cleaning at all? Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Im sorry, but I am with your BF on this one. It would have taken a few seconds to run the toilet brush around the bowl to clean the vomit away. Im sure he didnt want to catch the bug, and leaving traces of it in the bowl would have made me cranky too. Link to comment
lukeb Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I would have cleaned it myself because it's grosse and it literally would have taken a few seconds to clean. I'm actually surprised a simple flush wouldn't have taken care of it. On the bf's side, if it bothered him he could have been more diplomatic about it, but ultimately he is on the right here. Unless he would have offered, yes you clean up your own puke. If he had offered to clean it up for you would have owed him something nice. Link to comment
lukeb Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Nothing says "I love you" more than be willing to clean up your partner's puke. Link to comment
DaKittensMeow Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 I would have cleaned it myself because it's grosse and it literally would have taken a few seconds to clean. I'm actually surprised a simple flush wouldn't have taken care of it. On the bf's side, if it bothered him he could have been more diplomatic about it, but ultimately he is on the right here. Unless he would have offered, yes you clean up your own puke. If he had offered to clean it up for you would have owed him something nice. Well duh, I never assumed he would do it. I just figured that I'd get 24 hrs before it became "pick a fight worthy". Like that's what bothered me I think. I'm barely in the door the next day and he's getting mad about it. No "are you feeling better now honey" or anything? Like can you wait for me to take my shoes off at least? And maybe then it's a reminder not attack? On another note, I'm surprised a simple flush didn't get it either but our toilet is weird I guess, or maybe my stomach contents are. Let's not get into that. That's a whole different and disgusting line of reasoning. Link to comment
DaKittensMeow Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 ummm... I don't want to be judgmental but your boyfriend seems a little controlling? He couldn't help clean the toilet since you are sick? Plus, if something bothers him that badly, he can't just do it? I'm pretty sure if he got sick, you would have cleaned it if it bothers you? You are right, it's petty and it's nitpicking! Is that something to even argue or leads into an argument about? I'm not sure how to approach this in the future. He just sounds a little inconsiderate. Not sure how to deal with that. Maybe when he's sick, you leave his mess, and let him know it feels? Make sure to get mad at him the next day for not cleaning after himself. I really feel for you though, you were sick, he should have been more caring and considerate. Ugh. In three years of dating he has never gotten sick, maybe a few bad headaches. That's it. Meanwhile, I'm the one with the inconsistently sensitive stomach. 90% of the time I can eat whatever I want. Then I will randomly have a can of pop or cup of coffee and my heartburn flares up. And when it flares up- man, it's just 36-48 hrs of worshipping the porcelain gods, nothing Tums/Zantac/Prilosec can do to help. Ugh. He does help some but he's a brat about it sometimes and will proudly do a half assed job of it. I think part of it is that we're still working out the household balance- we've been living together 9 months. We probably need to be more clear about standards. But short of a chore wheel or something I don't know how to do it without conflicts or inconsistency. And sometimes I tend to cave just to not have to argue about something stupid but I resent him for it later. Link to comment
DaKittensMeow Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 Im sorry, but I am with your BF on this one. It would have taken a few seconds to run the toilet brush around the bowl to clean the vomit away. Im sure he didnt want to catch the bug, and leaving traces of it in the bowl would have made me cranky too. It was a case of my chronic but ridiculously overreactive heartburn. Not a "bug" or anything contagious like that. I tried to clean it up better the first time, but by the time the trips to the bathroom were in the double digits I was barely crawling out of the bathroom. There was a point Saturday night where I was napping on the cold tile floor. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I think part of it is that we're still working out the household balance- we've been living together 9 months. We probably need to be more clear about standards. But short of a chore wheel or something I don't know how to do it without conflicts or inconsistency. And sometimes I tend to cave just to not have to argue about something stupid but I resent him for it later. If you're both in for the long haul, slow and steady wins the race. Do ask for what you want, and do be firm. But be patient, too. Link to comment
DaKittensMeow Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 So true. So he was a tad insensitive and I used it as jumping off point for everything that's been bothering me.... Slow and steady... Gotta learn to not do that. Venting online helps though- thanks everyone for helping me put this in perspective! Link to comment
j.man Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Personally, in your shoes, I would have eaten crow and apologized. While I do think there's an underlying issue of household boundaries exacerbating this one specific event, it literally takes 30 seconds to quickly scrub a toilet bowl. It's one of the chores I'm actually thankful is delegated to guys because it is so quick and easy. I think you were being hyperbolic and actually quite a bit offensive toward him by insinuating her was treating you like 50s housewife. No, it's not your "fault" you were pretty much confined to the toilet that day, but nor is it his. After a simple apology, if he'd persisted in making a big deal about it, that's when I'd say you're within your rights to tell him to back off. Bear in mind that I've cleaned my girlfriend's puke off the side of an Uber vehicle with a bottle of spray and paper towels, so it's not that I'm opposed to cleaning up my partner's puke. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 It was a case of my chronic but ridiculously overreactive heartburn. Not a "bug" or anything contagious like that. I tried to clean it up better the first time, but by the time the trips to the bathroom were in the double digits I was barely crawling out of the bathroom. There was a point Saturday night where I was napping on the cold tile floor. I think you need to address the heartburn. I had it badly too, to the point of food being stuck in my throat & I had to vomit alot as well. It turned out to be a hiatus hernia in my stomach. I am now on tablets & watch what I eat & it has cleared up brilliantly. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 You would get along better if you each clean up after yourselves. He's not asking you to clean up in general or after him, just this particular mess. What if he stops flushing the toilet or leaves a mess for you? He told me I was reacting too emotionally and that I was gross for leaving it like that. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 i would've tried the humorous approach. "look, i was puking up my lifeforce for two days non-stop, i figured i had horrible karma or something and left a small offering to the Porcelain Gods in hopes it would appease them. i'm frankly worried that they didn't take it. i guess i'l clean it up then." i agree it takes seconds to clean it but i kinda imagine after gushing out electrolites like that you literally couldn't lift a finger any more and might have been thinking you'll be back for more offerings and thus scrubbing the toilet within minutes again anyway. i would give it more thought how he generally acted during your vomiting marathon. if he payed no attention to it and isn't very dilligent with his cleaning, i can see how you'd be offended. i agree you should create a habit of both of you cleaning up after yourselves, just don't point it out to him directly right now to pick up his socks so as not to look like it's payback time. no war-zone dynamics, but teamwork ones instead. Link to comment
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