Grieving Boyfriend

Hi all! So I wanted to ask for some advice and I don't know who to turn too. Here's a little back story..

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We've known each other for much longer than that. Just last year my mother suddenly had a stroke and 3 weeks later she passed. My boyfriend was there for through it all. He was so helpful. He was great with me and my daughter (not her father). We decided it was time to move in together. We now live with each other and everything was great up until about 2 months ago. His father suddenly had a heart attack and a week later passed. I went to the funeral. I'm trying to be as loving and supportive as I can during his grieving process. However now he just completely shuts me out. He goes out in the middle of the night. Doesn't come home until 4 or 5 in the morning. He's never home. He says being home makes him think too much but he'll go out with friends or whatever. Just makes me feel like he doesn't confide in me or want to spend time with me. He doesn't work at the moment, he got laid off the same day his father had the heart attack, so he has all the time in the world. He says he is so unhappy. He's told me he feels like "how can I make you happy when I'm not even happy.." I just told him I have enough happiness for myself.

Idk what to do. I really love him and want this to work and he says he loves me. I know he is going through a difficult time right now but idk what else to do.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Not everyone want to 'talk'. Don't be a cheerleader just lay back and act normally. Maybe go out do enjoyable things,etc.

However now he just completely shuts me out. He goes out in the middle of the night. Doesn't come home until 4 or 5 in the morning. He's never home. He says being home makes him think too much but he'll go out with friends or whatever.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Not everyone want to 'talk'. Don't be a cheerleader just lay back and act normally. Maybe go out do enjoyable things,etc.

I know that. I'm trying really hard to give him space, act normal, etc. He doesn't want to do ANYTHING besides go out and play Pokemon Go with his friends.

If that is his distraction/escape for now then that's what he is doing to cope in his own way. There is no 'correct' way to grieve. You may find it annoying/disruptive but it will pass.

He doesn't want to do ANYTHING besides go out and play Pokemon Go with his friends.

So I'm pretty much just taking things too personally? I should just let him come home whenever he wants? Do whatever he wants? It's not that I find it annoying but it feels like he'd rather spend time with them than with me.

If that is his distraction/escape for now then that's what he is doing to cope in his own way. There is no 'correct' way to grieve. You may find it annoying/disruptive but it will pass.

I'm curious how things worked out??

I'm curious how things worked out??

As of today not so good. He decided that he wants to move out. He's unhappy and doesn't have a job. So he's moving back in with his mom. When the going gets tough, go back to mommy. I unfortunately can't afford to live on my own either so idk what I'm going to do but it sucks. Another unhappy ending here.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like his father's death and the unemployment took it's toll on him and the relationship.

Since he doesn't have income, at least you can find a roommate now who can help you with that.

Are you still seeing him or did the moving out signify breaking up?

He decided that he wants to move out. He's unhappy and doesn't have a job. So he's moving back in with his mom. I unfortunately can't afford to live on my own either so idk what I'm going to do but it sucks.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like his father's death and the unemployment took it's toll on him and the relationship.

 

Since he doesn't have income, at least you can find a roommate now who can help you with that.

 

Are you still seeing him or did the moving out signify breaking up?

Can't find a roommate with my 3 year old in the house. Might just have to uproot to Massachusetts (im from NJ) where my aunt is. She said i could stay with her. Both of those things definitely did take its toll. Idk we haven't talked about it. He just says he wants to work on himself. So im assuming that means he doesn't want to be together. He said he's lost all interest in everything including me. It probably would be best if we just ended things. This isn't the first time he's left. After my mom passed, he moved in with me at my dad's house. He lost his job and moved back in with mommy 3 months later. So whose to say it won't happen again? For my daughter and myself I shouldn't let it happen again.