Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that my wife went from I love you a day before she says its over. I never saw this coming and crushed me emotional since she is the love of my life. Can it happen that she found someone else? Will she appear one day and will tell me everything what has happened? Is there anybody who has experienced that as well? It looks like that she became somebody else - like another face. From a caring wife to a party girl.... Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Sure, she might have found someone else. Or she might just have fallen out of love. Will she ever explain it? Probably not or at least not in a manner that will satisfy you. All you need to know us it's over. Now comes the tough part, healing. Hang in there, it's going to be crazy for awhile. But it does get better, just not as quickly as we'd like. Link to comment
Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 You guys believe that I might have a chance to get back after while when things cooled down? Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 No one can tell you that. Best thing is to get to lawyer and plot out the divorce. Link to comment
Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 I do not believe that there always have to come lawyers in the game but I know you american love that stuff. After all there is love and I might just have to wait a bit (no contact) until she might come back to her senses.... Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I do not believe that there always have to come lawyers in the game but I know you american love that stuff. After all there is love and I might just have to wait a bit (no contact) until she might come back to her senses.... How dare you call me an American(not that I don't love you guys, except for Trump, what's up with that) A lwayer can offer advice on what your options are. Knowledge is power. Nothing says you have to act on the advice he gives you. But if your wife is running around town being a party girl and screwing other guys you may want to prepare yourself for the possibility of divorce. Link to comment
j.man Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Oof. Hope you're not the breadwinner. 7 years is just in time for some good alimony. Definitely get in touch with a lawyer ASAP. Any kids in the question? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Where is she now and what led up to this? You could not have been that blind or asleep at the wheel that you have no clue, right? Is all her stuff out of the home? Does she contact you at all?having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that my wife went from I love you a day before she says its over. Link to comment
Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 Jepp, I was the breadwinner and fortunately no kids....... Link to comment
nihongo Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 So, you are saying everything was fine and perfect in the marriage then she just left? No fighting, no arguing, nothing done to make her or you upset? Link to comment
Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 Well, in general everything was fine. We didn't fight that much - it was then mostly over stupid things in the household. The only negative thing from my side was that I was not that good with communicating and showing my emotions...She only said that we started to go apart from each other 1,5 years ago....nevertheless she initiated to buy a house last year and we suppose to move in in september and wanted to make a kid. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 In the west approximately 75% of divorces are initiated by women, a good percentage of those are blindsides. I hope that it's only your name on the deeds if you own a property. I'd be very realistic with your expectations if I were you, it's more than likely she's run off with somebody else. Go and get some legal advice, because right now her female support network will be working out how to get everything they can off you. Consider changing your locks, because some of her friends will no doubt think they're above the law and will march in to your house and think nothing of taking your belongings. If she has to come over to collect stuff, do not let her in unless police are present as you may be shocked at how vindictive and unpleasant her and her friends may be. If police are not present, have your smartphone discretely filming and recording any interaction as potential evidence if she tries something underhand. This is no longer the person you know, and don't get wrapped up in any dreams of her coming back. Good luck. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 It sounds like she has been planning her exit for quite some time. It also sounds like she does not see a future with you because of the communication issues. How long must one separate in your country before she serves you the divorce papers?She only said that we started to go apart from each other 1,5 years ago. Link to comment
Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 its 12 month and it starts the day she moves out and registers on a new adress. Will be the 1.august....its really tough how fast things can go I have to admit. She was never the type doing these things but she got new female friends (they are all in sales) and they told her to get out even though they do not know me and I haven't meet them either....Seems like my wife has been brainwashed with her new jobb and these kind of people. Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Regarding being blindsided. In reality most often we're not blind sided. We've actually consciously chosen to ignore or trivialise problems in the marriage. Then when it blows up we claim we didn't see it coming when really we should have. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 If she were happy she would not have left nor would they be able to brainwash her. Obviously she confided her problem in them, but the decision to leave was ultimately hers and hers alone. She's been been gone a year?its 12 month and it starts the day she moves out and registers on a new adress. Will be the 1.august. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 In the west approximately 75% of divorces are initiated by women, a good percentage of those are blindsides. This is unfounded actually. So I'll give another unfounded assertion. 70% or those 75% divorce initiations by women are due to the fact that the men are too lazy and indifferent to begin proceedings. Its a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it. ...She only said that we started to go apart from each other 1,5 years ago.... Op: If she told you a year and a half ago that things were falling apart then she didn't just leave without saying anything. She told you then that there was a problem but it appears (due to the very fact that she left) that you didn't do much to improve what was going on that year and a half ago. Link to comment
shessofly Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Well, in general everything was fine. We didn't fight that much - it was then mostly over stupid things in the household. The only negative thing from my side was that I was not that good with communicating and showing my emotions...She only said that we started to go apart from each other 1,5 years ago....nevertheless she initiated to buy a house last year and we suppose to move in in september and wanted to make a kid. The "only" negative thing you mentioned here is a really big deal to many people, can cause a lot of resentment and emotional shutting down of the person who feels thier need is not being met. This has probably been a long time coming, especially if she has voiced this concern before and no changes took place. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I shared with my ex for 2 years how unhappy I was and though we went to marriage counseling for 6 mo's, when I filed for divorce he insisted he had didn't see it coming and was blindsided. His story is I just mysteriously woke up one morning, unhappy. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Seems like my wife has been brainwashed with her new jobb and these kind of people. She's not brainwashed. She finally had the nerve to get out from a one-sided marriage. Why stay married to something who is with-holding? If she told you there's been issues for over a year and a half - this isn't out of the blue. She's had 1.5 years to plan this out. And you had one and a half years to work on improving your communciation, but chose not to. Maybe you should focus and work out on why you couldn't be intimate with your wife. Link to comment
Dont Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 that she was unhappy she told me after the break......she never told me during the marriage and like I said, she initiated a buy of a new apartment less than a year ago. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Is that canceled? Where is she now? She's been gone a year and are you afraid that now she can file for divorce?that she was unhappy she told me after the break......she never told me during the marriage and like I said, she initiated a buy of a new apartment less than a year ago. Link to comment
shessofly Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 that she was unhappy she told me after the break......she never told me during the marriage and like I said, she initiated a buy of a new apartment less than a year ago. Was that also the first time she told you that she was not happy with the lack of communication and emotional response from you? She never voiced any of this and you did not notice any changes in her behavior prior to the break? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 The only negative thing from my side was that I was not that good with communicating and showing my emotions...She only said that we started to go apart from each other 1,5 years ago. It appears that she did tell you something that may have been very important to her some time ago Link to comment
j.man Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I mean I'm not sold that the OP was completely blindsided, but getting slapped with a divorce over an issue last mentioned over a year and a half ago isn't something I'd use to say, "Wow, guy, how did you NOT see it coming??" While I think very few relationships and marriages end without any sort of hint leading to the demise, given that women are the ones who initiate the vast majority of divorces and that, afterward, men are between 200% - 400% more likely to commit suicide, it does seem that even if for some sort of innate male daftness, there is a pretty stark disparity in both knowledge and mutuality. That's not meant at all to turn it into a battle of the sexes. When money and assets are on the line, both men and women tend to put a bit more effort into discretion, at least to the extent where, while it should be readable that things aren't perfect, you probably wouldn't predict coming home to divorce papers on the table. I can't really comment on your wife's complaints, what exactly she expected of you as far as "opening up" goes, or whether you'd improved on it, but I would cover your bases with an attorney and not bank on this reconciling itself. Link to comment
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