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Getting over someone to be with them again later?


Penny123

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Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting other people... even though he was really happy with me. Obviously I'm heartbroken, and I almost wish he had done something to make me hate him. Although I do a little for wanting to give us up for the opportunity to sleep with other people (is this the grass is greener syndrome I just don't know) I can't help but be horribly upset all the time, as he said about how perfect we were together e.t.c....

 

What makes me even more upset is that he is going travelling for 7 weeks (kind of also why I thought he broke up with me a little, though he swears it isn't), so he is going to have plenty of time to get over me, enjoy himself....forget about me

 

I can't afford to go away - has anyone got any good tips for keeping busy? Im a student teacher so I have the whole of the summer holidays ahead of me (alone now! ) I want to improve myself so that I will be better in a future relationship (hopefully with him again when we have matured a little!)

 

I understand that he needs to mature and wasn't ready..and I know that a lot of people are going to say don't get back with him, but it is perfect couple wrong timing- and I I do want to get back with him in the future. We had a break for 3 months last year, and then got back together. He said to wait longer this time to contact....hmmmm

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So you're going to let this guy who already dumped you twice decide your future for you while you sit and wait? And you're going to wait for however long it takes for him to deem you worthy of him again?

 

WHY in the world would you want to do that??? Why aren't you angry?

 

My money is on him finding someone else, leaving you out in the cold btw.

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My money is on him screwing his way through Europe (or wherever) and then getting back with you again until he has some other opportunity to "experience" the local "talent."

 

He's not ready to be in a commitment but he's addicted to being with you and you allowing him to come and go like you have been is fitting right into his (apparent) plan.

 

Think hard and fast about what you are enabling him to do.

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I've never thought of it like that actually. That's very true- I think because I've loved him for about 6 years now, I kind of don't think of anyone else in my life really, mainly because we made plans to live together etx

 

I guess I've never thought about it from the outsiders point of view

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What makes me even more upset is that he is going travelling for 7 weeks (kind of also why I thought he broke up with me a little, though he swears it isn't)

 

I agree that he probably broke up so that he has the freedom to do whatever (and whoever) he wants, guilt-free, while he's traveling.

 

He said to wait longer this time to contact....hmmmm

 

Rude, selfish, and arrogant.

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Very true-I think the way he has worded it this time made me think as though he was doing it so that we would be better in the long run...it was very much a "I need some space to grow and be a more mature person so that I can be better in a relationship, but the only way to do that is to experience different things and people"

 

I

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Yes, it is very selfish and arrogant-do you think he's keeping me "on hold" then and expecting me to be there when he wants?

 

Sadly, yes. And if you remain "on hold" and he knows it, then he'll lose respect for you. I think you would be better off telling him you're not going to wait for him, that he made his choice and you're done. You have to say it like you mean it, and you have to ACTUALLY mean it. And then don't take him back unless he's ready to 100% commit. I feel somewhat like a hypocrite telling you this, since I told mine the same thing many times, and then I kept taking him back. But he did improve each time.

 

Main point though -- don't let him know you're on hold! Better yet -- don't allow yourself to BE on hold.

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Yes, it is very selfish and arrogant-do you think he's keeping me "on hold" then and expecting me to be there when he wants?

It appears so. You will find out I guess when he gets back and if he contacts you. Whatever you do, do not sleep with him while you are uncommitted. You'll certainly be demoting yourself to eff buddy if you do something that silly.

 

You may get back together in the future but the key is to not hope on that and keep yourself stagnated in anticipation for it. Get out there and put yourself into situations that are not dating per se but rather ways to be introduced to the opposite sex. You may just meet someone that you click with much better then you ever dreamed of with your ex.

 

meetmarketadventures.com comes to mind if you are in an area that they service or even a coed sports team like volleyball, baseball, soccer etc will get you busy, having fun and meeting both men and woman which will enhance your life overall.

 

Good luck, and feel better soon.

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Right okay. Think I need to rethink my life! How do I not get him to think that I'm someone he can just go back to time and time again?

 

Don't answer your phone and get on with your own fabulous life.

He had you fooled into thinking he could put on a shelf and take you down at his convenience and somehow you bought into it that this was a good thing??

Uhhhm. . no.

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Thanks everyone for all the advice!

 

I think he probably does think I will wait for him, as when he broke it off one of the things he said was "I don't see this as a proper full on break up, more a break but I don't know for how long so don't wait for me"

 

He also said that as we got back together last time after 3 months, that to wait longer than that to talk to each other again this time.

 

I don't think he's intentionally a nasty person, just looking at it from a different perspective he's just very selfish and arrogant (and a bit of a moron?!) haha

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How do I not get him to think that I'm someone he can just go back to time and time again?

 

By not taking him back next time he comes back (IF he comes back).

We teach people how to treat us, and you've taught him wrong, that it's ok to go on "breaks" with you whenever it suits him and whenever he wants to screw around, and you'll be there to continue right where you left off. Win-win for him, lose-lose for you.

I hope you realize that by doing this nonsense, "you" as a couple not only won't ever get stronger, on the contrary, it's never going to work. You are just a filler, a safety net, while he searches for others. Don't you think you deserve better?

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Lostlove76 I've stopped talking to him completely, so that shouldn't be an issue. I guess I just want the opportunity now for him to want me back and for me to not be there for him, If that makes sense!

 

Makes total sense!!! That's what I want with mine too. I don't think I could take him back now even if wanted to. Way too much hurt caused, and all trust is gone. Right or wrong, it feels good to reject them if they do come looking, after everything they put you through.

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Thanks everyone for all the advice!

 

I think he probably does think I will wait for him, as when he broke it off one of the things he said was "I don't see this as a proper full on break up, more a break but I don't know for how long so don't wait for me"

 

He also said that as we got back together last time after 3 months, that to wait longer than that to talk to each other again this time.

 

I don't think he's intentionally a nasty person, just looking at it from a different perspective he's just very selfish and arrogant (and a bit of a moron?!) haha

 

EXTREMELY selfish and entitled!! How convenient for him to make it not a full-on breakup, just a break, but please wait around and don't bug him or expect anything until he's ready. I would tell him to go eff himself.

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That's very true. The fact he am said part of growing up is to be with other people is very horrid and t**ish off him! Unfortunately I've been blondsighted by love for too long

 

hopefully if he does come back one day I will have the opportunity to tell and show him I am not his back up choice! I was such a good girlfriend as well 😂🙊

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Thank you everyone for all the advice, I've realised now I've been a little bit on the hook it sucks, but hopefully I'll be able to be better from it and he won't think I'm on the "hook" anymore! I have not spoken to him since it all happened.

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