I don't know where to start

I've been in a relationship for 18 years and it's finally over. After months of torture dealing with his psychological problems I found his online dating sites, secret phone, Facebook obsession,secretly hiding things i spent months trying to avoid him and or sort things out depending on his mood. He finally agreed to seperate. After years of virtual isolation and no income I have to start to make new friends and become .a 'normal' person again. I'm in the 'mature' age group and need ideas on where I can meet people and start anew, but I live in a small town with limited transport and no support any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks

Online dating

Online dating

Although if you skim through this

It seems like a carrot and donkey type thing to be honest.

How small is "small town?" I ask because I've lived in small town America (pop. >200) and, quite frankly, I didn't care for it. To difficult to make friends unless you wanted to drunk on weekends or hang out with 70+ year olds. You said you were in the "mature" age group... What do you like to do? What hobby do you have? Kind of looks like you'll be making friends with your neighbors and expand out from there. I'm guessing the best thing you can do is get out and meet people.

Neighbors, community activities/events, church if you go there and whatever social activities they have, finding some hobbies that you might like. Just start going places and participating in things, volunteering for things and you'll start making friends and connecting with people. Basically if you go do things you would enjoy, you will end up meeting some like minded people there and might connect with at least one person and so make a friend.

Thank you.

Thanks I've just turned 50 and it's much the same here a lot of retired and drunk people. I can't afford to move, but I think there are a few 'crafty' type groups around that I might try.

Why you want to meet someone so soon? I recommend that you focus on yourself- do things that you couldn't before because your spouse didn't like it, do some sports, hobbies, go out, travel. If you want a rebound relationship is your choice but you need to focus on yourself because than the past will come back hunting you again for not taking care of the things you need to improve on yourself now.

There are dating site for specifically for people your age. Also general sites. At least set up a nice profile and pics and start browsing profiles to see what's out there. You can message/meet men when you feel ready. Do you work or volunteer or attend courses? Did he move out?

I've been in a relationship for 18 years and He finally agreed to seperate.

Thanks luisiannalui. I really don't want to meet 'someone' I really couldn't be bothered with dating or another relationship. I just generally want to meet new friends. We've moved many times in the last few years so I never really made 'good friends' I can turn to now. My long time friends are mainly gone because he didn't want to socialise. I just want to start living again.

There are dating site for specifically for people your age. Also general sites. At least set up

Thanks Wiseman2. I'm not ready to join dating sites yet. I don't do any sort of volunteer work or courses. There's no courses run near where I live. He's still packing and trying to find somewhere to go...everyday is exhausting and a day too long

Thanks I've just turned 50 and it's much the same here a lot of retired and drunk people. I can't afford to move, but I think there are a few 'crafty' type groups around that I might try.

I think you're on the right track. All you need to do is meet one "crafty" person and then you can go from there. Even in that small town I live in for about five years I did manage to meet a dozen or so folks who didn't engage in the "get drunk and party on weekends." They were mostly older folks (60+) while I was in my early 40's back then. It was mostly conversation, coffee, cards (hearts/spades/canasta). My wife and I just didn't get into the boozing it up scenario.

I understand about the "no relationship" thing. Point being... You do what you want to be happy for yourself.

I wish you the best.

Is it your place? Make sure he finds a place in a timely fashion.

He's still packing and trying to find somewhere to go...everyday is exhausting and a day too long

I think you're on the right track. All you need to do is meet one "crafty" person and then you can go from there. Even in that small town I live in for about five years I did manage to meet a dozen or so folks who didn't engage in the "get drunk and party on weekends." They were mostly older folks (60+) while I was in my early 40's back then. It was mostly conversation, coffee, cards (hearts/spades/canasta). My wife and I just didn't get into the boozing it up scenario.

 

I understand about the "no relationship" thing. Point being... You do what you want to be happy for yourself.

 

I wish you the best.

Thank you I really do want to start sorting myself out first. This last week I've already lost 4 kg and hopefully next week I'll lose 100 kg more...lol. I don't mind the company of older people at least they seem to have a lot more interesting things to talk about and don't automatically assume that you're 'interested'in them if you try and have a conversation i just have to find the right group and start making connections which it's just a bit scary after so l long.

Is it your place? Make sure he finds a place in a timely fashion.

Yes we've agreed I can borrow some money and pay him out to go. I gave him a couple of weeks to move but his family won't take him and he has to find a place first. Today I found out he already has another woman lined up tho take my place. Good luck to her and I'm happy because it means he won't be changing his mind fingers crossed.

Excellent. Why can't he live with her?

I gave him a couple of weeks to move but his family won't take him and he has to find a place first.he already has another woman lined up.

Today I found out he already has another woman lined up tho take my place. Good luck to her and I'm happy because it means he won't be changing his mind fingers crossed.

Didn't take long for him to find someone else. I wonder if they know what he's like?

Well... Hey! As the song says: "You're free as a breeze and always at ease..."

...Almost anyway...

Hey... You always have this forum too. It's interesting and it passes time. Meeting people is non-existent here (which is fine). But, I'm certain you can offer your fair share of advice to people who have been in a similar situation.

Excellent. Why can't he live with her?

According to him she lives a long way away and he hasn't even met her yet (which I find hard to believe because he hAd been 'staying with relatives' a few months ago for a week here and a couple of days there. The only problem is that the relatives he was with at the time either don't really exist or I know for a fact at least two other times when he went away for a weekend he wasn't where he said he was going. According to him they're Facebook friends, maybe one day there might be something. They have so much in common etc. Etc. Yesterday I saw messages of them proclaiming their love for each other and not being able to wait until he was with her.

Didn't take long for him to find someone else. I wonder if they know what he's like?

 

Well... Hey! As the song says: "You're free as a breeze and always at ease..."

 

...Almost anyway...

 

Hey... You always have this forum too. It's interesting and it passes time. Meeting people is non-existent here (which is fine). But, I'm certain you can offer your fair share of advice to people who have been in a similar situation.

I'm sure she has no idea what he's really like. I didn't. He's telling me the same things he told me about me, but about her. 'we have so much in common we like the same things' . They're already planning trips away etc. Like when we were going to travel everywhere together and a lot of the other plans we made. He just loves to tell you what you want tho hear, or mirrors youbut once he got you hooked and alone and he takes away everything you got emotionally, financially, any independence or self esteem and dignity you've got he's too lazy to do anything except think of himself, what he wants, needs and all the rest of it. Everything we ever did in the beginning when things were going good were organized, booked and paid for by me. It's the only time we ever had any fun.

Thanks it's good to know there's a place I can come to to get this all out so hopefully I will be able to move on without complaining about him to people I meet in real life. Also I'm happy to have a distraction from focussing on him while he's still here and any sort of conversation even on the internet is much appreciated.

Ok then, well his supposed love life is his problem, right? He should not be stalling getting out of the house however.

he hAd been 'staying with relatives' a few months ago for a week here and a couple of days there.

Ok then, well his supposed love life is his problem, right? He should not be stalling getting out of the house however.

I know. He's annoying me more everyday. He's supposed to be packing, but he keeps calling her for 2hours at a time a couple of times a day then again all night plus he's messaging people and replying to Facebook posts another couple of hours each day so there's little time left. I've asked him to stop and pack but he just loses it. I tell him to just leave with nothing , he won't. He's driving me mad. Even today he's been on the phone or messaging her since midday, it's just after 5pm now. During that time he stopped for 30 minutes after I told him to stop, again, we argued for 20 minutes and he did 10 minutes of packing and then back on his phone. I'm just dreading what will happen if the real estate agency says his rental property isnot approved

Don't let him get the better of you. When he is there act like he isn't. He's playing a game don't be a part of it. Do your thing and give him no never mind. If he sees things are getting to you hell keep doing it just to get a reaction from you. It doesn't matter if he changes his mind make yours up and stick to it. Hes a person not a god he shouldn't have this kind of power over you.

Don't let him get the better of you. When he is there act like he isn't. He's playing a game don't be a part of it. Do your thing and give him no never mind. If he sees things are getting to you hell keep doing it just to get a reaction from you. It doesn't matter if he changes his mind make yours up and stick to it. Hes a person not a god he shouldn't have this kind of power over you.

I have 2 things that he has to do. Then he can be gone forever. I'm never going to call him, miss him or feel bad for him ever again. I just can't wait till he's gone he repulses me my skin crawls just being in the same house, especially now that I've seen and heard what he's really like