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Boyfriend liking other girls pictures


Chocalot

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So this might sound like a petty topic. If probably is. But I've noticed my boyfriend likes this one girls pictures all the time. Why do guys do this? To me it feels like they have to be let the other person themselves be aware that they think they're pretty/ attractive and why do men do this if they have girlfriends? I'm not saying my boyfriend can't find other girls attractive of course he's going to, but there's one thing keeping that opinion to yourself and another telling the whole world, the girl herself and your girlfriend if she sees it. It feels hurtful to me that he feels the need to do that. It also worries me because it's just this one girls photos and occasionally mine that he likes. She is probably his closest female friend but they haven't seen each other or talked in years. So guys what is your perspective on this?

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Because being in a committed relationship is not a castration or lobotomy . People will be loving and faithful, but yet notice other attractive people. Your bf sounds like he wants attention. What if he liked 'ugly' girls' pics? Would that bother you?

S I've noticed my boyfriend likes this one girls pictures all the time. let the other person themselves be aware that they think they're pretty/ attractive and why do men do this if they have girlfriends?
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You're overthinking this. Stop worrying, stop checking to see if he "likes" her photos. Unless there's other suspicious things he's doing, this isn't a big deal, imo. You're going to drive yourself crazy worrying like this.

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Because being in a committed relationship is not a castration or lobotomy . People will be loving and faithful, but yet notice other attractive people. Your bf sounds like he wants attention. What if he liked 'ugly' girls' pics? Would that bother you?

 

So you're saying it's ok for my boyfriend to want attention from other girls? And yes it would because even if she's ugly he may not think so, I don't see why opinions about attractiveness to others have to be broadcasted when you're with someone you love.

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Why don't you tell him it's really bothering you. Are you afraid other's will see your bf's likes and think he's cheating?

 

I've told him he said he apologised and said he wont do it again but I've also told him in the past and he obviously forgot which is why it's driving me Crazy because what if he just continues to forget. No I don't see why it needs to be broadcasted to me in particular that he finds her attractive, it came up on my timeline I didn't go searching, I know he's not a cheater.

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Here's a better question: why are you so excessively insecure and paranoid? Has he given you any (real) reason to be like that?

Because if he didn't, and he is not doing anything disrespectful, you have no reason to worry about such trivial stuff. A "like" is harmless, and it is one of FB's hallmarks. The girl, according to you, is one of your boyfriend's best friends, so naturally he will "like" pictures, statuses, etc. It's natural, it's part of being alive and part of having a profile on Facebook. 'Likes' only have weight because you attach weight to them, and they will weigh as heavy as you make them out to weigh. But realistically, your boyfriend FB 'liking' anything doesn't necessarily mean he wants attention from other girls.

 

And yes, it's time you got used to the idea that this guy, future guys and your husband(s) will all find other women attractive, because...it's human nature. Nobody will ever only be attracted to you, and you need to understand this and accept it, or else you will always be angry and anxious.

 

PS - I have 'liked' hundreds of posts my FB friends (male and female) have made through the years, and none of those likes had ulterior motives or hidden meanings. Does that mean that I wanted their attention or that I was planning to cheat on my significant others? Heck no! By the same token, if one of my partners along the years would have told me that me 'liking' my friends' posts bothered them, they would have been shown the door pronto. I don't date controlling, insecure people...

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I know he's not a cheater.

 

Then let it go...seriously, don't give it another thought. I am 100% committed to my bf of 4 years and I like other guys' pics ALL the time...whether I find them attractive or not. I like them because it's a good pic or I like what they've written w/ the photo, we share similar interests and I especially do this when I know them in real life, whatever the reason but it's NEVER because I'm saying I'm interested in them in any way. I know I don't represent everybody but I do know that it's possible to "like" pics w/out it being sinister or disrespectful to the relationship. As long as he's not messaging them and being sleazy, leave this alone. It means nothing.

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Chocolat.... I'm beggin' you here. You gotta stop.

 

I'm actually going to disagree with Wiseman's suggestion to tell him how you feel about it. Not because it's bad advice, but because this would be mundane issue number what... 642?

 

I think you should really rethink being with this guy. Not necessarily because he's treating you badly, but because you seem to have some insecurities that may merit some single-time in order to overcome. You've been on and off these forums for the last half year with something new but typically just as trivial. Have you considered a therapist to vet out these concerns with to learn how to cope with these insecurities?

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Chocolat.... I'm beggin' you here. You gotta stop.

 

I'm actually going to disagree with Wiseman's suggestion to tell him how you feel about it. Not because it's bad advice, but because this would be mundane issue number what... 642?

 

I think you should really rethink being with this guy. Not necessarily because he's treating you badly, but because you seem to have some insecurities that may merit some single-time in order to overcome. You've been on and off these forums for the last half year with something new but typically just as trivial. Have you considered a therapist to vet out these concerns with to learn how to cope with these insecurities?

 

To be honest that's why I posted it on here, so I could have people tell me how silly I'm being because it's the only way I seem to realise and stop being insecure, hence my many posts on this forum. I went to see a therapist for a few months at the beginning of the year, and she figured out the reason why I'm so insecure (traumatic childhood past) and it made sense but it didn't help me stop being insecure. She got into things I didn't want to go into and think about because they upset me and so I stopped going. I love this guy too much to be apart. He knows about my past and why I have insecurities and as much as he's understanding and has helped me I know it's not fair on him and want to stop.

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Exactly! If she voiced this, he would know more about what he's dealing with.

I'm actually going to disagree with Wiseman's suggestion to tell him how you feel about it. Not because it's bad advice, but because this would be mundane issue number what... 642?
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. She got into things I didn't want to go into and think about because they upset me and so I stopped going..

 

That's the whole point of therapy, it's not meant to be pleasant, it's meant to bring out deep-seated issues so you can deal with them. Sticking with therapy despite it being unpleasant is key, or else it will never work. So you'd do yourself a huge favor by going back to that therapist and trying to work on the root of your issues. If you don't, not only will you lose this relationship, but also the next one, and the next, until you fix yourself. It would have been a good idea to do this before entering a relationship, but it's still not too late.

 

Your boyfriend is being supportive, *for now*. But I don't think he can do it long term, nor should he. He shouldn't have to sacrifice certain freedoms, as trivial as they may be, just to appease you. Nobody should, and in fact few would. So start working on yourself as soon as possible, if you want this relationship to survive.

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She got into things I didn't want to go into and think about because they upset me and so I stopped going.

 

And this is why you continue to have these issues. Hon, you need to push through the unpleasant parts of therapy to get to the good stuff of handling your issues.

 

You cannot expect this guy to be your entire lifeline or you will suffocate him to the point he ends things, because it's not his responsibility to make you happy-that is yours and yours alone. Or you will end up alone if you don't handle this or in a bad relationship, because you'll be so hungry to continue abdicating your own happiness to other people you'll just let them roll over the top of you or you'll focus on little crap like this and not even see the bigger picture.

 

You need to go back to therapy. No, it's not fun, it's not really supposed to be. If you had a melanoma I'm hoping you wouldn't be one of those people who says, "But it's going to hurt, so I won't let them burn that off and then do exams to make sure the cancer doesn't come back," would you? You do know you'd end with a far worse fate if you did that, right?

 

This is exactly the same. AND I know how hard it is, trust me I do, I have been there in therapy crying my eyes out with the therapist telling me I had to do certain things to get my life back. And no, I didn't want to because it was painful, but still I did it and guess what? I got my life back and the trauma faded.

 

You need to push past the pain, you did so when you were a baby learning to crawl and walk. That resiliency is there inside of you, but you need to tap into it and accept it and move forward with your life.

 

We cannot help you stop, that's again your job and you really are the only one who can do that and you do that by facing your issues with someone who will walk you through things, and hopefully then start you with baby steps to more independence and happiness within you.

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I'm confused. When did liking a photo become a sign that you find someone attractive?

 

I'm just curious because this seems to be a recurring topic around here recently.

 

Facebook is not life! Get off the computer and interact with your boyfriend.

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  • 5 weeks later...
She is probably his closest female friend but they haven't seen each other or talked in years. So guys what is your perspective on this?

 

They haven't seen each other or talked for years... and the closest they get is him 'liking' her FB photos??? Really, what are you worried about here?

 

You haven't said what the content of the photos is, but I'm guessing they're not pornographic images that he's lusting over, just everyday photos.

 

You have a choice. You can continue to get upset about things that a secure person wouldn't think twice about, and risk losing your boyfriend because this kind of relationship is very, very draining OR you can go back into therapy, face all the painful stuff from your past and let it go, so that it stops bothering you in the present. With the support of your boyfriend.

 

I'd also say that it's important you find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable - trust your intuition here - because you will need this while you face your painful past.

 

It's very important that you do this, sweetie, in any way that works for you. Otherwise you risk your adult life being as painful as your childhood was - and adulthood lasts a lot, lot longer.

 

(((HUGS)))

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Well it seems like you already know that the problem in this situation is you and your insecurity. You should go back to therapy, it will help you overcome your insecurity, but to do that you have to face some of those painful things your therapist was trying to uncover.

 

If you continue to let these insecure thoughts and feelings take over, you will probably ruin your relationship. Do yourself a favor and stop checking his Facebook. Facebook does what it can to contribute to relationship instability!

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