Divorce

Hello people,

My wife and i have been married for 4 years and known each other for 6. Were an older couple and have just each other and a dog name Zoey. Up to a month ago our marriage was great! I.thought. My wife out of nowhere ask me for a divorce but wants to remain close friends. I was shocked! She gave me her reasons why she wants to end the marriage.

1. My felony (30 yrs ago)

2. Her families wishes (They found out about my felony)

3. She can't be honest (She said she hasn't been honest throughout our marriage)

4. Her independence (She wants to go back living on her own)

You see i made a mistake 30 yrs ago. I was 22 yrs old and i fondled a 16 going on 17 in two months breasts when she removed her shirt. She liked me and was very flirtatious and mature for her age. Anyways my wife said before we got married that my past is my past and would not have any bearing with our relationship. So after 4 years she went back on her word because of her family's pressure of her cutting ties with me and her not being totally honest. So, she wants to still be close friends and she said she doesn't want to be in any relationships again. Can i trust her? I don't want a divorce. I love her so much. She tells me she loves me and cares for me but doesn't want me as her husband instead being friends would make her happy. What do u think i should do?

Respect her wishes for a divorce. There's probably a bit more to the story here, but ultimately she doesn't want you as her husband.

If she wants the divorce, she can have it but NO FRIENDSHIP. She wants her cake and eat it too.

What the heck is wrong with her? She decides to divulge your very private information to her family and get their OPINION on it and LISTEN to THEM???

She KNEW about your past and said it didn't bother her to marry you. She sounds like she forgave you. So after 4 years she wants to dig up old skeletons in the closet as an excuse for divorce?? Nuh uh.... something else is going on. I think she may be interested in seeing someone else. Tell her to just be honest. Maybe she's been cheating on you all this time and you didn't know it. Maybe she wants to finally move in with the other man.

Don't take her excuses at face value. She even admits she can't be honest with you. Tell her she could at least be honest for you to give her the divorce.

And I'm sorry this happened to you. It's heartbreaking that you loved her so, but she wasn't being honest (or faithful) with you.

If she sticks to her guns and still cannot tell you the truth of what's going on, there's really no choice but to give her what she wants. You can't hang on to someone who doesn't want to be with you for any reason.

But this doesn't mean you are not worthy of love. You are VERY WORTHY of love. She just wasn't the one to give it to you because she's not perfect and she's full of flaws too.

I hope you can find forgiveness and love in Jesus.

Thats a felony? Sheeesh. 30 freaking years ago! Her lying should be a felony also. May she live a miserable lonely existence...

Politely, and in a caring way, honor her wishes.

I know it hurts, but you can't force love or marriage.

I don't think your "felony" is the reasons she wants a divorce, if it was such a deal breaker then she wouldn't have married you to begin with, and it's not like you killed someone or robbed a bank... she probably fell out of love for whatever reason, or has the GIGS and wants to live the single life again (I wonder if she's already got someone else in mind). Whatever the case may be, you can't force her to stay married if she doesn't want to, so the only thing left to do is let her go. It really sucks but unless she is willing to go with you to couple's counseling and work on your marriage, there's not much else left. And it's a low blow that she told her family about your past, she really betrayed you there.

Don't be her "friend". She only wants to be "friends" because she knows you love her and she wants to keep having your support, but life doesn't work like that....she's either in or out. You can't turn a marriage into a friendship, because should you both meet other people and start relationships with them, they will not be too happy about you two being "friends" - rightfully so.

Thats a felony? Sheeesh. 30 freaking years ago! Her lying should be a felony also. May she live a miserable lonely existence...

Even though it was 30 years ago, his felony (which he said was him being 22 and fondling a 16 year old) can still have major life consequences for him. If he is still registered as a sex offender, it can greatly limit his living arrangements because he may not be able to buy/rent property that's within x distance of schools or parks. Even if he weren't on the registry, it greatly limits his job chances. So yeah, I wouldn't blame her for walking away from him for that because I would do. But what I don't understand is WHY she married him knowing full well that he had a felony. If it didn't bother her then, then why now?

OP, while the felony can be a deal breaker for people entering a relationship, it wasn't for her. I think she is using it as an excuse.

That said, a marriage can't work with 1 person trying only.

Sorry for your dilemma. Unfortunately it doesn't appear there's a lot you can do in this situation. This is what she wants and I doubt you're going to change her mind. Even if you did manage to and she stayed with you... I doubt she would be happy in the relationship. That, in turn, would'nt make you very happy either.

Go to marriage counselling. There must be more to this than family pressure if she knew this when she married you. Her family may have flipped at the word 'registered offender'.

My wife and i have been married for 4 years and known each other for 6. Were an older couple and have just each other and a dog name Zoey. You see i made a mistake 30 yrs ago. I was 22 yrs old and i fondled a 16 going on 17 in two months breasts

I think that you should be clear that if she divorces you - that is it - you will not be "just friends" - she will be out of your life. She doesn't get to be just friends with you.

Honestly, if she was okay with your felony, she should have defended you and if they didn't want to talk to you again, oh well. I would be tempted to do a sit down with the family in counseling to explain what happened - you were 22 and there was a 17 year old girl who you thought was older and she flashed her boobs at you and you touched them. You were a dumb, college aged kid and you weren't out scoping for minors. Your record has been clean since. Also, nowadays, But it may do no good. I would see if she would go to marriage counseling to talk out what the other issue she has for leaving you if she will be honest about it.

I would not date a felon (if a guy was on the sex offender list because he peed on the side of the road because it was an emergency - yes in some states you are busted for exposure then that's different.). But aside from that, I agree with Fudgie that if she was fine with it, she has no room to divorce you because of something she already knew about.

I wonder how the family found out - if she told them or they looked it up.

She gave me her reasons why she wants to end the marriage.

 

1. My felony (30 yrs ago)

2. Her families wishes (They found out about my felony)

3. She can't be honest (She said she hasn't been honest throughout our marriage)

4. Her independence (She wants to go back living on her own)

 

With reasons like that, I'd suggest running fast and running far. The fourth one is just about acceptable, but the other three are pathetic, and suggest weakness of character and immaturity.

If it was me, I'd say "Yeah ok luv" - keep things sweet until you get the divorce then just kind of disappear.

I know you love her a lot. But you should give her a space. Respect whatever her wishes is.