Cheating at the start of a 10 year relationship

I've been married for 4 years and with my husband for 10 years overall. He confessed and told me he cheated with 6 different women during the first two years we were together. I had some suspicions back then but I always pushed them to the side as I didn't think he would cheat on me and he always made me out to be crazy and turned everything back on me if I questioned him and he never trusted me even though I never did anything. Any how long story short probably some of the cheating was done in the early stages but over the course of time we moved in together and got a dog and that to me says we are exclusive and he wanted me to be but he was actively going out cheating. I am so hurt by all of this, I feel like the foundations of our relationship are ruined and had I known this we would never have gotten married. It just seems like everything has been built on a lie, I don't even know why he married me if for the first two years 'he wasn't sure where we were going' and now we have two small kids. Advice needed! I feel like I should leave him but when there is two kids involved it is really hard. He played so many mind games and cut me down so much at the start that that nearly annoys me more than the cheating. He has big trust issues, I don't even know why he has decided to tell me this now, he said he wanted to tell me for a while and felt better now that he has been honest and that he would never cheat on me now. He feels better and I am devastated.

It was selfish of him to tell you. I suggest counseling for you both, as he will now be subject to a level of criticism that cuts him down - and not without reason - but to no end and without an opportunity to resolve. Don't create that living hell for yourself. Get someone to help you process your anger and your new understanding of his character. Have him come as well, as he could use song self reflection as well So that he stops treating like a security blanket.

So eight years ago, while you were seeing him, he was seeing six other women??

I think this is where you need to explore all of your options as to a) leaving him or b) telling him if he wants the marriage to stand he needs to go to counseling with you now, because okay so why should you believe he stayed faithful and stopped after two years? What changed.

Plus the gaslighting you to make it think it was YOUR problem? Yeah, I'm not one for physically hurting a partner, but damn I'd have probably lost it.

Your choice, but I can't see just letting something like that sit. You're not his priest, confessions like that with no actions behind them actually just do more damage, not less. Work out what YOU can and will do about it then put that plan into motion.

Why is he telling you all this now? has he been faithful since you've been married? In what context did this sudden confession take place? Surely it wasn't "guess what honey..." out of the blue.

the first two years 'he wasn't sure where we were going' He confessed and told me he cheated with 6 different women during the first two years we were together.

He dumped this on you for a reason. Either he gets to enjoy the freedom of getting retroactive 'permission' if you stay together, which means he's likely to do it again, or he wants out of the marriage.

Either way, he just psssd on you to relieve himself. Why would that make someone feel 'better'?

He's pretty sick.

He dumped this on you for a reason. Either he gets to enjoy the freedom of getting retroactive 'permission' if you stay together, which means he's likely to do it again, or he wants out of the marriage.

 

Either way, he just psssd on you to relieve himself. Why would that make someone feel 'better'?

 

He's pretty sick.

Yes, this, exactly. And he wants credit for his honesty and openness as well. I am betting he is feeling more emotionally attached than before and now wants to use you to expunge his guilt. What a fantastic irony. This is his problem, and now he has made it yours too.

He has no understanding of what it means to be responsible to you, with his words, his emotions, his deeds.

Being in a healthy relationship means learning to use the bathroom to flush your own poop, and not share it with others because it's open and honest. It isnt. It's irresponsible and imposing.

You've been dumped on.