Sexual Compatibility Issue...

Hi my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. Not too long ago my boyfriend told me he thinks we may have a sexual compatibility issue. It kinda set me back a bit because everything I've heard about compatibility can be a deal breaker. I've asked him to talk to me about it and explain to me what he's thinking but every single time he says he's not ready to talk about it yet. He says I'm over thinking it and maybe I'm not the person he should be talking to about this but yet he wants to talk about marriage.

We still are intimate with each other but every since he brought up the sexual compatibility thing, I pretty much have that in the back of my mind while being intimate. I don't feel I can really relax and it's frustrating.

I'd really like to get this issue settled and worked thru before going any further. Am I over reacting here?

I know he loves me and wants us to have a future here together. I'm not sure what to do here. How can I get him to tell me what he's thinking in this area. We talk about everything so I don't see why he can't just come out with it.

Just needing some advice for both sides of the spectrum.

Thanks in advance

If you two were really sexually incompatible, you would not be having sex. It's rare. And people love to exaggerate, embellish, create non-existent problems, and be drama queens.

That said, it's a low blow to tell you something is wrong and then not tell you what it is. Perhaps he realized too late he should keep his mouth shut about some negative thought. After all, no relationship or couple is perfect, so why sweat the small stuff.

In short, it's a minor issue. If he would rather speak to a counselor or sex therapist, I'd encourage that.

Don't take this whole love thing so seriously, at least not to the point of paranoia.

It's pretty crappy of him to tell you that he has an issue and then not want to talk about it. No wonder you're worried! If his needs aren't being met, he should be open enough to state what they are.

If I were you, I would schedule time for a discussion. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you need to understand what his problem is and that you want to work towards a solution together. Make sure it's in person, no phone or text, and that you have an hour or two of uninterrupted time. Keep an open mind and try not to be defensive or emotional.

Do you have any idea what his issue might be? Frequency? Creativity? Has he ever mentioned anything before?

It's pretty crappy of him to tell you that he has an issue and then not want to talk about it. No wonder you're worried!

Maybe sounds like he's palying games with her and wants her to be worried?

Why is this all of a sudden and a mystery? Is he having ED? Does he want oral? Does he want more sex/different sex? Did he mention this once in passing when he wanted sex/you didn't and now you are ruminating or is it a consistent theme.

It seems weird to have sex for 2 yrs, continue to have sex regularly and you claim you're clueless about it. What do you think he's alluding to?

It sounds like poor communication pervades many areas in this. If the overall relationship is strained this can be very related.

Hi my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. Not too long ago my boyfriend told me he thinks we may have a sexual compatibility issue. We still are intimate with each other

It's pretty crappy of him to tell you that he has an issue and then not want to talk about it. No wonder you're worried! If his needs aren't being met, he should be open enough to state what they are.

 

If I were you, I would schedule time for a discussion. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you need to understand what his problem is and that you want to work towards a solution together. Make sure it's in person, no phone or text, and that you have an hour or two of uninterrupted time. Keep an open mind and try not to be defensive or emotional.

 

Do you have any idea what his issue might be? Frequency? Creativity? Has he ever mentioned anything before?

I really have no idea what it could be. He says I'm like no other woman he's been with before. We are intimate whenever he wants to be but as for me, I could be intimate 24/7 when it comes to the bedroom. So there is no lack there. He knows I'm up for any kind of excitement in the bedroom. I've never heard him complain about our sex life other than him making that comment about compatibility.

Do you think it's really something else?

I've never heard him complain about our sex life other than him making that comment about compatibility.

honestly my gut feeling is that he wants to do something a bit more kinky and maybe wants you to initiate. I dunno. just ask him to be straight forward.

sometimes if he won't share you can still get a sense by really paying attention to someone to try and get into their head so to speak and then say things based on hunches u get off those observations.

the other alternative is for u to start sharing and being a little more vulnerable yourself. that will sometimes invite him to share with you through your actions not your words.

He should at least explain to you what he means by "sexual compatibility issue". Maybe he wants to have sex in a different way. And for some reason doesn't dare tell you in what way...