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Thread: What do I do? Am I reacting the wrong way?

  1. #1

    What do I do? Am I reacting the wrong way?

    I went on vacation with one of my friends to a resort. While there we met a group of 4 guys that were all in the Marines celebrating their leave together before they were all shipped different places around the world. I ended up instantly clicking with one of the guys and after only a week was head over heels. Knowing he was being stationed in Hawaii and I would be in North Carolina made it hard to think anything would come out of this. My heart started to break, knowing I felt something real. We talked for a few days after the resort. And he called me to inform me that the resort was actually his bachelor party. He'd never cheated before, couldn't believe what he'd done, but felt no guilt. He told me he was thinking of calling the wedding off because he essentially just settled for her and was realizing it now. I told him that if he were to call it off it shouldn't be because of me, because there was no guarantee this would work. He agreed and took a few days to think it over. Concluding that he would never be happy with her no matter what. He called off his wedding and spent $50k in cancellation fees, but there was one small problem. Being a marine, they had already signed the marriage liscense and been married in front of a judge, with an actually wedding at a later date when he got longer leave. Now my world was crushed. This guy I so longed for was married! His "wife" knew he cheated on her at the bachelor party, but didn't know we kept in contact. She pulled phone records of our conversations and found out we planned to see eachother again. She went off the deep end, messaging me, my friends and family. Threatening to turn the marine into his commander for adultery, essentially kicking him out of the marines. He was willing to take the risk, but I couldn't let him. She refused a divorce until december and threatened him to not talk to me until then. We have kept in contact by other means. She kind of has him in a corner... do you think after a few months she'll give it up? Is it still a good idea to try to meet up? I've pretty much already decided he's worth it. I need any advice that may calm my anxiety.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Um... you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? Someone who shows they don't feel shame in cheating? Someone who knows himself so poorly that he got married to someone he was settling for? Someone who started his relationship with you lying? What makes you think that he would treat you any differently then he's treating her. He doesn't know you. And you don't know him.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ceasing communication with a married man would significantly reduce your anxiety. A vacation fling is not worth this headache. Get out of this asap and block him, his wife,etc from your phone/social media. He is married and lying to you about everything..
    Originally Posted by Stacey224
    I ended up instantly clicking with one of the guys and after only a week was head over heels.She went off the deep end, messaging me, my friends and family. Is it still a good idea to try to meet up

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by rosephase
    Um... you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? Someone who shows they don't feel shame in cheating? Someone who knows himself so poorly that he got married to someone he was settling for? Someone who started his relationship with you lying? What makes you think that he would treat you any differently then he's treating her. He doesn't know you. And you don't know him.
    I just feel like something is different. And maybe it's just me being a fool. But I feel like it's worth fighting for. If nothing else it doesn't work out. But the feeling I felt with him is something I want to feel all the time. And in a messed up way, I trust him. Which is weird.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Doc Blaze's Avatar
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    I cant believe what I am reading....


    fling with a married man at a bachelor party turns into something special


    what is romantic or worth it about this guy

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You trust an incredible vacation /sexual rush. Did you get tested for stds? He's surely been around the block to be this slick.
    Originally Posted by Stacey224
    in a messed up way, I trust him

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Stacey224
    And maybe it's just me being a fool. But I feel like it's worth fighting for. If nothing else it doesn't work out. But the feeling I felt with him is something I want to feel all the time. And in a messed up way, I trust him. Which is weird.
    Yes, this is you being a fool. And yes, it's weird that you'd trust a confirmed adulterer.

    But that Ok, because He'll never cheat on you right. He's an upstanding citizen.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stacey224
    I just feel like something is different. And maybe it's just me being a fool. But I feel like it's worth fighting for. If nothing else it doesn't work out. But the feeling I felt with him is something I want to feel all the time. And in a messed up way, I trust him. Which is weird.
    The feeling you were feeling with him wouldn't be "all the time" even if he wasn't cheating, lying and disrespecting you and his wife. You were falling into infatuation. That pumps your brain full of happy chemicals. You were on vacation free of all day to day responsibilities and worries. You were literally high on love. That doesn't last. Even if he was an honest guy who was in a place where he could really be in a relationship with you. You have to pay bills, go to work, deal with his deployment....

    Limerence is a strange drug. But the feelings you are having at this point are about a fantasy. A fantasy that is CLEARLY wrong. Or do you think his wife knew that he was settling for her? Do you think we they agreed to get married that he understood that he was never really in love with her? He was lying to you. He was lying to his wife. Both people he supposedly loves. Or do you think he never told her he loved her? Do you really think he never swept her off her feet the way he is doing for you?


  10. #9
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stacey224
    I just feel like something is different.
    Words every mistress out there has uttered, at one point or another.

    How na´ve can you possibly be????? Or, how selfish? Don't you have any kind of morals?
    I was going to write a whole paragraph showing you the massive errors in judgement you are exhibiting, but you know what? I think you *should* stick around and hopefully marry the guy. I think his wife deserves to find herself another man, one who is loyal and trustworthy and STD-free, and based on your post, I think you are the best person to take him off her hands and get stuck with this gem.

    So, by all means, stick with him "in the name of love". Help an innocent woman (his wife) get a new lease on life. As for you....I bet he won't get to have a bachelor party before your wedding lol.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member missmarple's Avatar
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    So, this guy sleeps with you without telling you he's married (don't kid yourself, she is his wife, not his 'wife'), feels no guilt and then decides to get a divorce (or so he says)...and yet you trust him because you felt 'the connection'.

    Sorry but I think you've watched too many movies. Except this is real life and in real life a liar and a cheater are exactly that..and not just with their wife or g/f. He wasn't even decent enough to tell you he was married before you fell for him. Wake up!

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