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Thread: I love my current girlfriend.. But i love my ex more than anyone.

  1. #1
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    I love my current girlfriend.. But i love my ex more than anyone.

    When i was 15. I met the girl of my dreams. I loved everything about her. Her hair. Her smile. Her voice. Her personality. Her laugh. Her body. Everything. Even the way i felt around her. She was so mysterious. Beyond beautiful. Shy. Quiet. And when i met her. I havent stopped think about her... Every minute of my life since. I eventually asked her to a school dance and she agreed and that night we kissed while dancing. I never enjoyed a kiss more than that. We dated my sophomore year through the end of my jr year. I was hopelessly devoted to her. We lost our virginity to eachother and shared our first love together. She had some mental ilnesses... Such as bipolar disorder. Depression. Self mutilating. Suicidal. And munchausen syndrome. She was very unpredictable. And everytime she hurt herself. Or was depressed i felt her pain in the deepest part of my soul. To make her feel better i would shower her in attention. Or walk/run (before i could drive) miles just to see her. Nothing would keep me from her. I would truely have done anything for her if she asked. Her family wanted us to get married. Not so much my family.. But i was making plans to propose to her sometime after she graduated. (She was a grade under me.) whenever i asked her to dances or anything.. I always went all out. Asking her in the biggest most romantic ways possible. The whole school envied our relationship. So my proposal was going to be extravagant. But at the end of my jr year. She started becoming distant after her grandfather died. We went to prom the day after his funeral. Where i was a paulbearer. And i could tell she wasnt the same. I worried after that she was talking to people online. Other guys. I peaked once at her tablet to see for myself. And she was. She became very upset. And soon after dumped me days after prom. I was destroyed. I did not understand. That summer i spent it inside. Everyday. She told me she needed a break. Because a day after she broke up with me i quit my job. Of which was a verywell paying commited job to have at my age. And i spent all day everyday. In a dark room depressed and angry. Staring at my phone for her to call. I began cutting myself. Every week she didnt call. Which was the whole summer. I attempted suicide with overdose. Was not successful. Woke up in an immense amount of pain and vomit in my eyes. On a railroad. Afyer i began pointing guns at my head loaded holding the trigger. Wondering if i would be able to. My brother walked in on me doing this and told my parents. They got me help. Into my senior year i saw her again. And i was happy again. She would come up to me and ask how i was doing. I was starting to think we would get back together. But i found out she started dating another guy. When i heard gis name i stormed out of the classroom she happened to be there too. And i found out who he was. The next day i tried not to look at her. But i purposely walked by her to see him all over her. I walked by and turned around and attacked him. He was so caught off guard. I punched him and he threw me into a locker and we fell into the ground and i began choking him until he was purple in front of all. The hallway to see. I let him go. I was charged eith assault and battery . but charges were dropped. I was sent to a psych hospital. I stayed there for 2 months. I was put on meds that changed me. I was no longer sad. Or happy. For the next year of my life. She eventually dumped him after awhile and started dating one of my goodfriends. I was crushed. Wondering what i was doing. I became an alcoholic. And my depression lessend. She contacted me after i graduated to apologize for the way she ended things. Saying she was a steriotypical high school . I accepted her apology and asked if i could talk to her face to face. She agreed and i opted for a real goodbye. I hugged her and wished her good luck but i told her i couldnt be her friend. It was too painful. Since i have struggled with dating and soberity. Anytime i ever took out a girl and it came to sex. I could never bring myself to physical contact with another girl. Sex was impossible. I staryed smoking weed and using lsd. But not in a form of where it consumed my life. Most times. I met my current girlfriend (again)Right now i am doing well. Im in school for dental and i have friends and my girlfriend loves me. And i love her. She used to be a close friend to my ex. And she gives me what i couldnt get from my ex. For someone to be devoted to me. If was smart.. I would keep her. We argue alot but i know she would be the safer choice than my ex. But everyday. Every minute. I still think of my ex. my girlfriend is great. But.. Nobody will ever compare to my ex. My body wont let them. When i started dating my girlfriend i had to use viagra just to be able to finally have sex with her because body wouldnt let me. I can have sex again now and dont need viagra anymore but.. I still have trouble because. Its not my ex. My girlfriend is hot but not.. Her. Weve been together for over a year. And she is devoted. I am too but... Im scared i will never be rid of my ex. She is dating a japanese guy and staying with him i. Japan now. But. I know shes coming home soon. And i am planning on twlling her i still love her. I dont know what to do. My girlfriend will be crushed. I will be crushed because i hurt her. I dont even know if my ex still has feelings. But this is something that wont go away. It will probably ruin my current relationship. But i cant deny it anymore. I still love her. Also my ex seems happy with her new bf but.. I know he cant be better than i was to her... None of them were. Its crazy but thats how i think. Theres nobody who loves her as much as i do. I am not suicidal anymore or depressed. It was a hard part of my life and i have worked through it. But now i am becoming something new and better. But the o ly thing i feel is missjng everyday. Every minute is her. I could learn to live without her. It would never be what i want but if it was a perfect world. I would want her to be mine. What do i do.. Thank you for reading this storm of a story.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    You will get more responses if you create paragraphs in your text. No one wants to read a wall of text.

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    You have created a fantasy about a girl you dated in High School. Get some help as this is coming across as rather unbalanced.

    And end it with your girlfriend as you don't really love her. Give her the chance to find someone that does.

    Seriously, get counseling.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are repeatedly choosing to ruin your life and ascribe it to this unrequited teenage love. When in fact you have ongoing psychiatric and substance abuse problems. When those are properly treated/addressed you will feel better and move on to find realistic and reciprocated love.
    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    Nobody will ever compare to my ex. It will probably ruin my current relationship

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You are repeatedly choosing to ruin your life and ascribe it to this unrequited teenage love. When in fact you have ongoing psychiatric and substance abuse problems. When those are properly treated/addressed you will feel better and move on to find realistic and reciprocated love.
    No. Youre all getting the wrong idea. All of those problems were when i was age 16-19 im almost 22. This is something i am still struggling with. Not depression or suicidal thoughts. That was something i overcame. I dont take meds and i am very hard. Working and successful. But i chose to include those facts because it was a tough part of my childhood. The feelings for her were too strong for the maturity i was at that time in my life. Im struggling with fact i still see her in everything i do. And i dont know if it is something i should retry because of my new found control of myself. I love my girlfriend. Logically. I would choose her over my ex. And i have. But what do i do about this feeling i get from my ex. I think about her far too much to just do nothing. I really just want to make the most of my life. I can live without her. But what i cant live without is wondering 50 years later if i made a wrong choice by neglecting these feelings.

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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    You will get more responses if you create paragraphs in your text. No one wants to read a wall of text.
    Yeah.. Sorry about that
    Was on my phone and the words just came flowing out.

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    Originally Posted by Clinton
    You have created a fantasy about a girl you dated in High School. Get some help as this is coming across as rather unbalanced.

    And end it with your girlfriend as you don't really love her. Give her the chance to find someone that does.

    Seriously, get counseling.
    You dont understand. We both had alot of trouble with mental illness when we were younger. Idk if she is still like this. She might be different. I struggled when i was younger more than some others. I still deserve a fair answer. Please help me with this. I love my current girlfriend really. But strong feelings still linger from my ex. That doesnt mean i dont love my current girlfriend. Please read my other comments to wise man. They may shed a little more light.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    But what i cant live without is wondering 50 years later if i made a wrong choice by neglecting these feelings.
    If you feel this way then no, you're not really in love with your current girlfriend. She's your fallback position. She's not the one you really want but she's the one you have. That's kinda pitiful for her. I'm sure she'd leave if she knew she was a consolation prize.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This sounds like it's more about the present than the past. Why? because when are lives are together and good we don't ruminate or obsess about what shoulda coulda been
    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    But what i cant live without is wondering 50 years later if i made a wrong choice by neglecting these feelings.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Clinton
    If you feel this way then no, you're not really in love with your current girlfriend. She's your fallback position. She's not the one you really want but she's the one you have. That's kinda pitiful for her. I'm sure she'd leave if she knew she was a consolation prize.
    You may be right. But i do love her. These are complex feelings. Im struggling with. But im not the only person who has had the (one who got away syndrome) please dont be judgemental of this. This so complex. Not cut and dry. Love is complex. Maybe i am still in love with my ex. But i love my girlfriend now too. But that love i had for my ex. Is still there. And its strong. What should i do. Ignore this. Or act. I reposted. Its a little different if you want to look at it. I really do appreciate the councils

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