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Thread: I love my current girlfriend.. But i love my ex more than anyone.

  1. #81
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    Originally Posted by No1
    I have a feeling no matter what your X says to you, you wont accept it. You are waiting for only what you want to hear. You have zero concept of reality and whats going on or how to interpret your feelings.
    I have more faith in myself than your expectation. Im never going to fix it by not doing anything about it or pretending im fixed. If i have to be hurt more by this to accept it then i guess ill bring it on myself. If something does come back between us. Idk how it would work but.. I need to establish a feeling for her. Because right now it is flustered. Its ruining my life. Maybe her freaking out on me telling me to get a life might kick it in my head. Maybe telling me she feels the same will lead me to what ive always wanted. If she answers with a mixed signal again.. Then im probably doomed for more years of waiting.. Either way. I did this to myself. I will have to live with the fact that i cant move on. Until this feeling disappears or i find someone who will make me forget about her.

    Im scared. And i feel like . But i cant ignore these feelings. I cant ignore what i want from life. I cant not work for what i want.

  2. #82
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How do you plan on exploring that if she's happily married living elsewhere?
    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    i chose to either pursue to meet my ex again or atleast tell her my feelings.

  3. #83
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How do you plan on exploring that if she's happily married living elsewhere?
    Shes not married. She is back home. I ran into her for the first time in years a week ago. It felt like i had a ghost walk right through me. She didnt see me.. But i froze like i actually saw a ghost.

    Her boyfriend. If theyre even still together. Lives in japan. She wont get to see him for almost another year im guessing. And im pretty sure they have only met once. But this is just speculation... I just need to tell her how i feel. Soon as possible. I want to make sure. I kindly state my feelings. And respectfully accept what she has to say. Good or not. I need to say it. Idk when i will try to make contact with her. I plan to before the year is over. Or sooner.

  4. #84
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    Then I say if you have a way of staying in touch then send her a simple 'hi'. It does sound like she does care about you too since she cares enough to check up on you. Maybe if you feel close enough to her then maybe you can have a heart to heart some time. I believe you when you say you love your current girlfriend. Love is indeed a complex thing, but I also know that I would be a little sad if I ever felt like I was in your current girlfriend's shoes. Maybe it would be best to break things off with your current girlfriend and at least take some time for yourself. You shouldn't feel bad if you ever end things with your current girlfriend because the most you would be doing for her is making room for somebody who will feel towards her the way you did towards your ex.

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  6. #85
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Threads have been merged - (same topic).

  7. #86
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    OP, first, i'm proud of you for letting your girlfirend go. i believe that if feels like you love one another, but you have felt it for yourself that as long as there's an inner conflict of yours sabotaging this from becoming a relationship you can fully contain ,metabolize, experience the love as complete, it isn't good for anyone to keep pretending, and to just hope that this real, tangible love will suffocate the phantasmic one. so, it hurt, but you totally did the right thing.

    secondly, i don't want to try to talk you out of your next move. you are conveyeing a very, very uninhibited drive here to approach your ex, and if you have breaks, you're not letting yourself see one to step on. it'd be futile if i went againts this flow of yours, so say i'll try to go with it.

    you'll do what you'll do, and in a way, i sense what you're purposefully setting yourself up for here. you say it's the hope that you'll end up together again, this time happily. know what i think? i think that's bull luv. i think what you really are expecting is another crash-boom-bang, another catastrophe, a calamity that exceeds the first one, because then and only then could you bring yourself to accept that this is over. you need "closure" so bad and know you've tried to reach it but couldn't and you've come to think if you get torn to pieces, mauled, if this new experience with her is so brutal, then it will rescript this romanticized image you had of her and then you'd be incredibly, devastatingly hurt-- and in that crash and that indusputable devastation, you'd hopefully be free of her--and the ghost of her.

    you say you couldn't reach acceptance because she kept leaving you with cliffhangers. one little fortune cookie piece of mind i'll leave here to take with you, whatever path you choose: a non-answer is a very clear answer sweety.

    i'm a little ashamed to admit it now, but i used to have a habit of not giving clear NOs as answers when NO NO NO was the only and totally honest answer going through my mind- not because i wanted people to keep hoping. not AT ALL. what i really wanted, irrationally, illogically, COWARDLY, was that from my non-answer, the person would "hear" what i feared to say, take the hint, gather their dignity, and leave and spare me the bother of having to be the person who says NO. I thought NO made me evil. it took over a decade to realize that it doesn't, and even if saying it makes me bad, i am more okay with being bad, than with lacking integrity. and if i have integrity, does that itself not dispute the statement that i'm bad? i didn't see that then, or maybe i did rationally see it but didn't act in accordance because it took so long to unfu*k the emotional complex at play before i could act in accordance.

    so people can have messed up reasons for saying one thing and meaning something else, but unless they are manipulative psychopaths, they will try to go half way at least in honesty and hope that you'll meet them half way-- they'll try to present you with a half of an answer and wait stupidly for you to finish it for them, in words they didn't have the dignity to utter. to them, it's like "i don't WANT to be a dishonest person. I WANT to be honest here but i'm chickenpoo. help me get over my cowardly self so that despite my faults, this situation is an honest, fair one. don't let my chickenpoo self make this a lie. i can go half-way, but you have to do the other half, because if you leave it up to chickenpoo me, you will be living an ever disappointing lie, and i'll hate myself for it too, but still not gather the dignity to do the right thing i would rather live with my private knowledge of what a bleep i am for not saying the truth, than live with the fact that you've seen me in my pathetic, blatant, cowardly dishonesty. my self worth is so dependent on others, that i will sooner agree to hate myself, than for another to hate me, so i will say that which will hopefully prevent them from hating me, while i remain frustrated with myself".

    when you get anything but an enthusiastic yes, do you both a favor and say "oh i see, okay, i guess it's not happening then. i understand. i wish you well, bye". you can rationalize and obsess and whatnot on here. we're annoying, but at least we're strangers on the web, and not your crush, so you'll get over us being irritating much easier than an irritating relationship.

    post back to update?
    Last edited by RainyCoast; 08-16-2016 at 12:37 AM.

  8. #87
    Gold Member youareworthy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    I have more faith in myself than your expectation. I'm never going to fix it by not doing anything about it or pretending I'm fixed. If I have to be hurt more by this to accept it, then I guess I'll bring it on myself. If something does come back between us, Idk how it would work but I need to establish a feeling for her. Because right now it is flustered. It's ruining my life. Maybe her freaking out on me telling me to get a life might kick it in my head. Maybe telling me she feels the same will lead me to what I've always wanted. If she answers with a mixed signal again, then I'm probably doomed for more years of waiting. Either way, I did this to myself. I will have to live with the fact that I can't move on, until this feeling disappears or I find someone who will make me forget about her.

    I'm scared. And I feel like . But I can't ignore these feelings. I can't ignore what I want from life. I can't not work for what I want.
    This post makes me really sad.

    You feel like the helpless victim of these obsessive emotions. But what you cannot see yet is that YOU ARE CHOOSING to let your feelings for her, your thoughts about her, and her wishy-washy answers in the past have a GIGANTIC POWER over you. These feelings are dominating your entire landscape, smothering out reality (like the reality of a sweet girlfriend). Your obsessive thoughts and feelings about your old girlfriend so color everything else that nothing else is real or valuable to you.

    It kills me to see you wasting YEARS AND YEARS of your life on a person who, FACE IT, is so unwell that a healthy relationship would not be possible between the two of you.

    You can learn to ignore feelings, and you can work on your mental health so you get to the point that you are MAD AT YOURSELF FOR WASTING SO MANY WONDERFUL YEARS OF YOUR LIFE MENTALLY CHASING A FANTASY!

    If you need to tell her how you feel, then do so, but this time accept any answer other than a 100% thrilled "YES!" as a final NO, and shut down every thought of her the minute it crops up.

    I am writing from painful personal experience.

    You deserve to live every precious year, heck, every precious MINUTE of your life free from this crippling obsession.

    Bless you, dear one.

    Youareworthy

  9. #88

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    I say you should go for it. If you still have feelings for her. You can call her at night and poor your heart to how you really cared about her. Remember that the present is what changes the future and you never know if you don't try. If she doesn't want that still, then now you know shes ed up cause she knows shes missing out on something big. If she does... Don't be too soft, too comfortable. Get to know her at first like its the beginning. Girls won't make another move If you guys do. And remember that your current girlfriend deserves better too.

  10. #89
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    Originally Posted by tied2u
    I say you should go for it. If you still have feelings for her. You can call her at night and poor your heart to how you really cared about her. Remember that the present is what changes the future and you never know if you don't try. If she doesn't want that still, then now you know shes ed up cause she knows shes missing out on something big. If she does... Don't be too soft, too comfortable. Get to know her at first like its the beginning. Girls won't make another move If you guys do. And remember that your current girlfriend deserves better too.
    Three year old thread.

  11. #90
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    Well, i'll tell you something that you really need to know, when you loved her, you were 15 and she was 14 (since you said she's one grade under you).
    Anyway, the real meaning of this is that, it is the 15 years old you who loved the 14 years old her, you are no longer who you were, and so is she, you kept her old version in your memory (probably a small part in your heart) and you keep being attached to it (or loving it as you say) when it no longer exists.
    You need to set your mind on what is real, on what is in front of you, and what really deserves to take a place in your heart and mind, plus she probably doesn't care about you, or even about whether you still exist or not (from the way you described her)...
    You know, regret is awful, and if it was real love and there was a real commitement, i would've told you to just let go of everything and get her back, without a minute of hesitation because i know that behind true love there is no regret, but it looks like an old illusion, reality is not always the greatest, but it is the best for sure, and your reality is with the girl who is by your side now loving you, she is the REAL one and she deaserves the biggest part of your heart...
    Don't break yourself for what is no longer true and good luck!

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