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Thread: I love my current girlfriend.. But i love my ex more than anyone.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    You sound obsessed. That's not love and it's not heathy. I suggest you get into therapy asap.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    This sounds like it's more about the present than the past. Why? because when are lives are together and good we don't ruminate or obsess about what shoulda coulda been
    So are you saying i should move on. Because i dont know if she has or not. Ive heard that she hasnt completely moved on either fron some close friends. My mind still contemplates it everyday. And i have to suppress it because i do love my girlfriend. I cant choose both. I wouldnt. I dont know what im feeling. Torn. Confused. Unsure. Im not looking to break hearts. I have never been about that kind of lifeatyle.. What should be my course of action.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Moontiger
    You sound obsessed. That's not love and it's not heathy. I suggest you get into therapy asap.
    Im not obsessed. If i were to confront her right now and ask her. And she told me she did not feel the same. I would continue my life. I reposted. It clarifies some misunderstandings at the end. I did have a problem that youre describing. But that was years ago. I was young. And unable to control the emotions i was experiencing at the time. Im not perfect. But they have made me a better person. . but thank you for the input. I really do appreciate any. And i did get help when i was 17-18.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When did you last actually see her/speak to her?
    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    Ive heard that she hasnt completely moved on either fron some close friends

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    When did you last actually see her/speak to her?
    I spoke to her 2 years ago. My friends have come in contact with her after and they told me once about how she mentioned she would want to maybe try again when we were older. I think she said when she was 25.. Which threw me off.. Its kind of what started these feelings coming back. We made promises to eachother that if something ever happened where we broke up we would find eachother again... I didnt believe it until i heard that she said that to my friend.

    He was trying to get with her and she said no and replied with how she doesnt want to because he was my friend and told him that was why..

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    You may be right. But i do love her. These are complex feelings. Im struggling with. But im not the only person who has had the (one who got away syndrome) please dont be judgemental of this. This so complex. Not cut and dry. Love is complex. Maybe i am still in love with my ex. But i love my girlfriend now too. But that love i had for my ex. Is still there. And its strong. What should i do. Ignore this. Or act. I reposted. Its a little different if you want to look at it. I really do appreciate the councils
    I don't think you get it. If your fantasy high school girlfriend told you she loved you and wanted to make a life with you, you'd drop your current girlfriend in a flash.

    For the last time that's not love. That's using someone as a placeholder. She's just there to fill a space because you can't be with the one you want.

    I say this not to be mean but you really need counseling. I am not a psychologist but these issues seem deeply seated and seem like they'd need to be explored professionally.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    you should contact her directly to confirm your feelings and hers. You both may be quite different now. Is she on FB, what does she look like now? Is she with someone?
    Originally Posted by Dl1795
    I spoke to her 2 years ago.

  9. #18
    Silver Member gypsybird87's Avatar
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    This is so incredibly unfair to your current girlfriend. If you truly care for her, AT ALL, please end things with her and get yourself sorted out. Getting involved with someone when you are not fully over your ex (however long it has been!) is a very selfish thing to do. If you want to spend your life pining over your ex.... well, it's your life and that's your choice. But you do not have the right to play with someone else's emotions along the way. Your girlfriend deserves better than being second best to a memory.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    You're doing a disservice to your current girlfriend by stringing her along as your second choice. She deserves someone that'll put her first forever - not just when it suits them, and only when an ex isn't in the picture.

    Sometimes we love someone so completely that it swamps every other love we can be receptive to. But the relationship ended for a reason, and you were a very toxic person during and after it. She had a lot of problems she was dealing with, too. Perhaps you were each other's crutch during this time, and the experience made each of you better people in the end - because you had to go through a lot to get to where you are today.

    I think trying to go back into that situation would be very detrimental for you. You're not the same person you used to be. Not to mention, she isn't even single. She's with someone else now. You're being very selfish when considering telling her how you think you feel. No one benefits from this but you. And even then, you don't even know that it'll be a good thing.

    I highly recommend that you break it off with your current girlfriend, leave your ex alone, and be single for some time. Do you even know who you are single?

  11. #20
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    ou and your ex together was a toxic combination. You went on a downward spiral. Did you start going out with your girlfriend after you were sober? If you argue a lot and all you think of is your ex who you have on a pedestal, even though she was the worst thing for you, I suggest that you break up and you attend AA like clockwork, you continue with your sobriety and you also seek counseling. You are obsessed. And are you under a doctors/mental health professionals' care right now?

    Think about it - if you care about your ex, why ruin her life? What is she supposed to do with that confession? She is seeing someone else. It will upset her at best and you will get a restraining order at worst.

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