Am I dealing with a dishonest spouse, or just a crazy ex? Help...

This is my first time posting here. I decided to google "relationship forum" so I can get advice from random, impartial strangers because I am not comfortable speaking to any friends or family about this. They have a perfect picture of my husband painted in their minds and I don't want to tarnish it unless it comes down to me leaving him.

This is going to be very long. I'll apologize in advance.

My now husband and I met about two years ago. About 6-7 months into our relationship, I began getting messages from fake facebook accounts (they only had a name, no photos, obviously created just to send me an untraceable message). The first one simply said "tell your man to leave me alone and he will never see his son." I laughed that one off. He does not have a son.. His parents were begging for a grandchild at the time and he is not the type of person to abandon a child. When I told him about this first message, he told me that this had happened to him before, and he has a crazy ex who has vowed to never let him be in a peaceful relationship again. She pops up out of nowhere, always claiming that she is pregnant or has a kid with him, and trying to upset his current relationship. I believed every word he said.

The messages kept coming, maybe one a month or one every other month, always from a different fake account. I never once responded to a message. Then she began sending screen shots of a phone conversation, where he told her he would leave me and told her he still loved her. The screenshots showed his actual phone number in the from box. I was upset about this, because he had recently changed his number and I wanted to know how she got it. He said probably from an old friend, since they had old mutual friends, she could have easily gotten his number out of someone's phone if she were that desperate, and then created a fake text image to send to me. Once again, I bought it.

She also sent me a photo of a baby and said "I will see you in court for child support" I did a reverse google image search on the photo and she had stolen it from a mom's blog back in 2011. This helped me to not believe the things she was saying. If there were a real baby, she would've sent a real photo.

***I should add that somewhere along this timeline, I became pregnant. We were very happy, always together, I had no reason to suspect any of this was true and I believed everything he told me. I even talked about it with his mom, who assured me he had a very crazy ex that had indeed done this to him previously***

Fast forward to the day I finally pulled my head out of my a$$.. about 6 months ago. I got another random message, from another fake account, with very detailed information about his work schedule, a few recent events in our life, and things that I knew someone could not make up. I confronted him with this information and again he said "mutual friends". I couldn't buy it this time, and I asked him for the online password to our mobile phone account, so that I could look at the usage log and verify that he was not texting her. He refused to give me this info and told me I was wrong for not trusting him. This was all I needed to confirm in my mind that he was lying and this "crazy ex" was telling the truth. I told him I couldn't stay with him if he could not either come clean, or give me the password. I told him if I were in his shoes I would do everything I could to reassure him I was not talking to my ex, and would gladly hand over a password.

The next day, after almost no conversation and me planning to leave, he broke down and came clean. He told me that this ex of his was threatening to sue him over medical complications stemming from an abortion she had two years ago, and that she was telling him if he left me she would drop the charges. It sounds crazy... I know. So he said he was telling her things, leading her on, to keep her from pressing charges. This story lined up with some of the screen shots I had been sent, when he would say "please don't do this" and she would say "too late, enjoy your life with her, Ill see you in court etc". So she was telling me the charges were child support related, and telling him they were abortion related.

I'd never seen him cry before and he was bawling, hysterical, saying he couldn't lose me, he was sorry, he didn't know what to do, he was scared... After we looked into the false claims she was making, he was assured that these "charges" were not possible. He changed his phone number, promised that it was all over and he would not ever again have contact with her. I was surprised at myself, for how quickly I forgave him. I have left people for a lot less in the past, but something in me (perhaps his unborn child..) just automatically made me want to forgive him and move forward.

After this all happened, the ex disappeared. I should ad also that we live nearly 1000 miles from where she lives and where he is from, so there is no worries about them ever seeing each other in person.

We were married last month, and our baby is due in less than two months. Things have been absolutely perfect and I have never once regretted forgiving him. Then today..

I'm going through old facebook messages looking for one from a former customer, and I find three messages, again from three different fake accounts, that I somehow lost in the filtered folder and never read. These messages were sent one month ago, the morning after our wedding night.

The messages contained another photo of a random baby, not the same one in the first picture she sent.. Pictures of his penis (he had told me before that she sent these pics to his other ex as well, they are clearly very old photos, he's in a bed I've never seen before and they are tiny low resolution photos that look like they were taken on a flip phone) and again she says "we will see you in court for child support, he's lying to you, he's still talking to her, look through his phone for a fake text number app that he uses to talk to her". I asked him for his phone, he handed it to me, I looked through all of his apps and there was no fake number app on his phone.

Now I am at a complete loss. He told me that he has had absolute zero contact with her since the day he fessed up and we changed his number. He said she won't be happy until she sees us broke up on facebook, and she only sent this stuff to try to upset our wedding and honeymoon. Thank goodness I didn't find them until now or it would've upset it.

He is being very compliant this time. I never ask to look through his phone, but when I did out of nowhere he handed it over. He's willing to show me anything I want to assure me that she is being crazy, she's upset that we are happily married, and still trying last ditch attempts to try to upset the relationship.

I know the "baby" doesn't exist. If it were real, again, she would have sent real photos. Also, he is military, so if she wanted to file for child support it would be an extremely easy process for her and it would have happened by now. I definitely feel like that is something she is making up to try to get to me.

However, I do have doubts about his honesty now, and whether or not he is still talking to her. Last time I was so blind sided because our relationship was so happy, that I'm terrified of being blind sided again. We are best friends, together every single day, we hardly ever argue... When I think about leaving him over trust issues it is absolutely devastating. I want this family we have started and I want my life to be with him, I just want to know that I can trust him.

Is there anything I can do to make sure he does not have this app? I didn't see it in his phone but I know hiding apps is possible as well. Would you contact the crazy ex? Still to this day I have not responded to her once. For all I know, she may have no clue I've even read the messages. I've asked my husband if I could contact her to see what proof she has and he said go ahead if you need to, but you are playing into her games just like she wants you to. I know he's right. This woman is nuts and obviously dying for a response, attention, acknowledgment... I don't want to give that to her but at the same time, I want to know I can trust him again. If I need to leave, I want to do it now so I can get my own place set up before the baby comes.

If anyone has any advice please share it. Be as harsh as you want, that's why I'm here. I know it probably sounds crazy that I forgave him the first time, because it sounds crazy to me too. I just want to know if there is any truth to these new messages, how to find out, and what to do.

Thanks for reading this novel, I'm looking forward to an outside perspective since I've discussed this with no one.

@jana21, you poor thing, that is a lot to deal with! My opinion on this is it's a crazy ex girlfriend. I get it, it's tough on you. I would go insane if I keep getting those messages from a fake account. That alone, is something I want to point out to you. If this ex is somewhat normal she wouldn't have used multiple fake accounts to contact you. You would have just contacted you and perhaps talk with you over the phone or in person.

It seems to me, there is a screw missing in her head. It is so immature and inappropriate to be constanlty contacting you with fake accounts. You if you look at it at a legal stand point. It is called harrasement. I know after years of that, your doubts with your husband has risen.

I say you give him the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like this ex wants to do some serious damage to him for for whatever reason. I really do feel for you and your husband, it sounds like total harassment. He did come out clean and told you the truth. It is possible that there are crazy ex that does this kind of stuff to get whatever attention they could get. It is also their way to take control over something they can not control. I hope I'm making sense to you.

My best way to go about this is to not let her win. She wants to see you and your husband broken up. You show her you are a team, you will be by his side through thick and thin (like your vows) I think it's a bad idea for you to leave him at this point, you are giving this ex exactly what she wants.

I would sit down with your husband and just talk, talk everything thing through. What he's been going through and what you've been going through. Then come up with some sort of solution on how you could resolve this problem. What you could do to help each other through this. Maybe get some legal advice? For Now, I wouldn't answer anymore of her fake FB accounts messages. Ignore her as much as possible. What more could she do now? She already dragged you and husband down too the point of you wanting to leave. I hope you do try to look at this situation a different way and try to make things work, get legal advice. Good luck and all the best to you.

@jana21, you poor thing, that is a lot to deal with! My opinion on this is it's a crazy ex girlfriend. I get it, it's tough on you. I would go insane if I keep getting those messages from a fake account. That alone, is something I want to point out to you. If this ex is somewhat normal she wouldn't have used multiple fake accounts to contact you. You would have just contacted you and perhaps talk with you over the phone or in person.

 

It seems to me, there is a screw missing in her head. It is so immature and inappropriate to be constanlty contacting you with fake accounts. You if you look at it at a legal stand point. It is called harrasement. I know after years of that, your doubts with your husband has risen.

 

I say you give him the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like this ex wants to do some serious damage to him for for whatever reason. I really do feel for you and your husband, it sounds like total harassment. He did come out clean and told you the truth. It is possible that there are crazy ex that does this kind of stuff to get whatever attention they could get. It is also their way to take control over something they can not control. I hope I'm making sense to you.

 

My best way to go about this is to not let her win. She wants to see you and your husband broken up. You show her you are a team, you will be by his side through thick and thin (like your vows) I think it's a bad idea for you to leave him at this point, you are giving this ex exactly what she wants.

I would sit down with your husband and just talk, talk everything thing through. What he's been going through and what you've been going through. Then come up with some sort of solution on how you could resolve this problem. What you could do to help each other through this. Maybe get some legal advice? For Now, I wouldn't answer anymore of her fake FB accounts messages. Ignore her as much as possible. What more could she do now? She already dragged you and husband down too the point of you wanting to leave. I hope you do try to look at this situation a different way and try to make things work, get legal advice. Good luck and all the best to you.

Thank you so much. It's funny that you say she wants control over us because that is exactly what he said about her. She wants attention and she wants to still have some sort of control over his life. I can't imagine being that wrapped up over an ex for that much time, and putting forth that much time and effort to harass him. It's as if she does not have her own relationships or life to focus on.

Also I very much agree that if she were a real person and there was truth to this child or infidelity, she would message me from her own account like an adult. Instead it's from a different fake profile every single time.

You definitely understand and your advice was comforting to read. Thank you.

Jana21 hi,

I'm very sorry what you have been going through, it must be shock after shock right at the beginning of this marriage. I also admire you for sounding so fair to everyone in your post. Your husband is one very lucky man to have such a fair wife. I'm sorry for what your husband went through also. This person sounds like a borderline or NPD who has turned malignant - they do that sometimes, but of course we can never fully know. However, dealing with this kind of stuff is very difficult, especially when one is about to get married because the entire situation stinks even if one chooses to deal with it legally right before their wedding. Many people try to control the situation by giving in to the person, by trying to soothe them etc, only to realize later what a big mistake this was. I see that your husband was badly harassed and ı'd even say abused because noone has the right to share his private photos this way, either.

It's actually a very relaxing experience to come clean the way he did after dealing with this emotional blackmail. At the same time, this also happens to be the period when the other spouse may need to find out more or need new steps to establish trust etc. You have been dealing it with very well and if you sensed that he is genuine in what he is telling you as well as him complying with your need to know more, his cooperation may helped with your trust issue and that may have helped you to forgive him. It's not extraordinary. But he may be needing to feel safe as well because what he experienced is no small stuff - both with this woman and with you.

If you manage to navigate through this experience supporting each other, you can emerge out of this as a very strong couple. The key would be your equal contribution to that, not just asking for what you need but also trying to support the other partner in their needs.

Here, I'd first thank my husband for sharing this with me and empathize with him as much as possible. I'd state my very clear wish to grow strong with him in this marriage. I'd try to empathize with why he didn't tell it to me before the wedding, why he didn't tell it to me when he first asked etc. Share with him why I needed to see the texts, that the thing was so new and different that it even didn't feel about trust but was about trying to make sense of a completely novel thing. I'd ask for his understanding in this but also ask how he felt in terms of trust between us. here, ı would not defend but would try to understand his perspective. I'd also share what would make me secure and comfortable in the future. This is a new phase and the situation is out in the open now.

What would make me comfortable would be 100% transparency on this issue. ı'd like to know whenever she contacted but I'd ask him to share it with me instead of me controlling it. I'd do personal work not to ask about it every day and not let it rule my life. I'd also share with him that if I'm asking, it means I've tried doing these other things but now and then I need support. In terms of dealing with this, I'd choose us to deal with it legally but if something else makes you guys comfortable, I'd make sure that it is a common decision. Transparency saves couples in situations like this. Please remember that with new boundaries, the behaviour of this probably disordered person may escalate at first. Do not let that damage you as a couple. I'd put trust. That means choosing to trust him even if the feeling is shaken a bit and give him the opportunity to make this relationship stronger. trust should follow in time with that experience. ı'd also ask what he needs and do that myself.

However, these are boundaries as well; so ı'd think about what to do if he doesn't this opportunity to make this marriage stronger but instead chooses to hide things etc. Only you can decide yourself, personally, if I was lied to after this, I'd leave. This is because some people have covert trust issues; that is they are never honest with you even if you are not judgmental, even if you are supportive to the best of your power etc. I personally believe they turn one's life into hell. I'd not do that to myself.

I also think it's very important at this stage to do new and fun things, go out with your husband, have good time as a couple etc. This shouldn't be the most important thing in your relationship because if you treat it so, it does become so. I'd also try not to allow intimacy to be affected by this.

I hope the best for you two. 

+1 vote for crazy ex

I'd definitely say it's a crazy ex. And perhaps your husband has acted in a less than favourable way at times but to me it sounds as if he was just trying to deal with this situation without dragging you into it. As far as the ex goes, if there is a way to prove that it's her sending all these messages I would possibly look into your legal options and perhaps file for a no contact order on her.

If you want to know once and for all, tell your husband that you are going to get a lawyer and immediately have the attorney send a cease and desist letter and file a restraining order for him and you both. A strongly worded letter will let her know that she will be sued for harassment if she continues and that charges will be pressed.

Also, "mutual friends" should be told in no uncertain terms that they are not to share a single thing about your lives to this woman. Or else, they should also be cut out of your lives. Who needs friends like that?! If you haven't done so already, you need to set all social media settings to Private so that only Friends (GOOD ones, not bad ones) can see anything on your wall, pictures, status updates, etc.

I have NO idea why he hasn't done these things already, if he really wanted to get rid of her. This is a way for him to show he's serious and quite frankly, something he should have done a very long time ago, seeing as how you're not the first woman she's harassed. And don't let your husband talk you out of a restraining order, or if he does, you should be questioning why.

And frankly, I'm unimpressed with your husband so far. He hasn't done what he needs to do. If he was really scared, he could have spoken with an attorney to find out if she can actually sue him for her own abortion, or he would have gotten the restraining order a long time ago. What's his deal????

You are pregnant and the stress from this can and will affect your baby. This sh needs to stop NOW.

First of all, thank you all so much for your well thought out and honest responses. I've never used this forum before and I honestly expected to be bashed for being so naive.

Unfortunately, I have an update of more bad news. Last night I told him I was still unsure about whether or not he was being honest, and I was really having a hard time with it again. I could tell by his response (anger and defensiveness) that he was not being truthful. He stormed out of the bedroom, and I decided then I was calling the crazy ex as much as I hated to. I went out to my car and called her, told her who I was, and that I needed to know if they were still communicating. She knew everything about our day to day life, she knew I've been covering a night shift at work this week, she knew exactly what time he leaves and comes home from work, she even knew about our coming up trip (none of this was on Facebook, she had no other way of knowing). She told me had last contacted her on Wednesday, which was right before I confronted him about the messages.

I spoke to her about an hour, and there were things that I knew she was lying about as well, but it does turn out she is being more honest than him. It's hard being the sane one that has to sort through both of their lies and find the truth somewhere in between.

I also found out that about a year ago, he told me he was staying with his mom for two nights, and he went to stay with her instead.

I went inside after speaking to her and I told him that I talked to her, and that I knew beyond of a shadow of a doubt that he was still lying to me. He went nuts, smashed his iPhone with golf club, put a hole in the wall, threw a full beer can across the room. I have a dog that is very protective over me, so he was standing over me and growling at my husband... He did not try to put his hands on me he just had a raging fit, a destructive adult sized temper tantrum. I just stayed quiet and let him explode. Once that was over he said yes, he had been talking to her, but it was still because she is threatening to "press charges". I told him I do not care in the least what she is saying or why he was talking to her. The fact that he was doing it again, behind my back after everything we just went through last time this happened. I had been trying hard to forgive and forget and excuse his behavior for last time, but I can't do it again.

I called his mom (I talk to her instead of my Mom because I don't want mine to forever carry a bad image of him. She is much less forgiving). His mom was in complete shock that he would do this again, said she would help me with whatever I need, and that he does not deserve me. As excited as she is about the arrival of her first granddaughter, even she understands if I need to leave him. Her main concern right now is the stress being put on us both at this stage of the pregnancy.

He has been bawling his eyes out all morning, begging for yet another chance, telling me he will be completely transparent and allow me to see his phone whenever I wish to, check up on him however I feel I need to.. But the thing is I don't want a relationship like that. I've never ever been one to go through my partners phone or anything private. I am not jealous or mistrusting, and I don't want to be with someone who forces me to behave in such a way.

Now I have a choice to make. Do I leave him now, so I can get my own place set up in time for my daughter's arrival in August? Or do I risk wasting more of my time trying to make this work a third time, and continuing a life with someone I clearly cannot trust in the least. I don't want to move back home, 3 states away and take his daughter away from him. He may not be husband material but I know he will be a good Dad and despite his mistakes, he is very excited about her. That puts me alone down here with my baby though because all of my friends and family are back home. I am capable of being on my own with her financially, and I lived alone plenty in the past so I am not afraid to, but it will definitely be hard to do without help with a baby. I don't want to make the decision to stay with him though just because it's the easier one.

I'm so stuck right now on what to do. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, right? I just really feel like the smart thing to do is to pack my bags and get myself settled before I have my baby.

Life sure likes to throw us curve balls.

First of all, thank you all so much for your well thought out and honest responses. I've never used this forum before and I honestly expected to be bashed for being so naive.

 

Unfortunately, I have an update of more bad news. Last night I told him I was still unsure about whether or not he was being honest, and I was really having a hard time with it again. I could tell by his response (anger and defensiveness) that he was not being truthful. He stormed out of the bedroom, and I decided then I was calling the crazy ex as much as I hated to. I went out to my car and called her, told her who I was, and that I needed to know if they were still communicating. She knew everything about our day to day life, she knew I've been covering a night shift at work this week, she knew exactly what time he leaves and comes home from work, she even knew about our coming up trip (none of this was on Facebook, she had no other way of knowing). She told me had last contacted her on Wednesday, which was right before I confronted him about the messages.

I spoke to her about an hour, and there were things that I knew she was lying about as well, but it does turn out she is being more honest than him. It's hard being the sane one that has to sort through both of their lies and find the truth somewhere in between.

I also found out that about a year ago, he told me he was staying with his mom for two nights, and he went to stay with her instead.

I went inside after speaking to her and I told him that I talked to her, and that I knew beyond of a shadow of a doubt that he was still lying to me. He went nuts, smashed his iPhone with golf club, put a hole in the wall, threw a full beer can across the room. I have a dog that is very protective over me, so he was standing over me and growling at my husband... He did not try to put his hands on me he just had a raging fit, a destructive adult sized temper tantrum. I just stayed quiet and let him explode. Once that was over he said yes, he had been talking to her, but it was still because she is threatening to "press charges". I told him I do not care in the least what she is saying or why he was talking to her. The fact that he was doing it again, behind my back after everything we just went through last time this happened. I had been trying hard to forgive and forget and excuse his behavior for last time, but I can't do it again.

I called his mom (I talk to her instead of my Mom because I don't want mine to forever carry a bad image of him. She is much less forgiving). His mom was in complete shock that he would do this again, said she would help me with whatever I need, and that he does not deserve me. As excited as she is about the arrival of her first granddaughter, even she understands if I need to leave him. Her main concern right now is the stress being put on us both at this stage of the pregnancy.

He has been bawling his eyes out all morning, begging for yet another chance, telling me he will be completely transparent and allow me to see his phone whenever I wish to, check up on him however I feel I need to.. But the thing is I don't want a relationship like that. I've never ever been one to go through my partners phone or anything private. I am not jealous or mistrusting, and I don't want to be with someone who forces me to behave in such a way.

Now I have a choice to make. Do I leave him now, so I can get my own place set up in time for my daughter's arrival in August? Or do I risk wasting more of my time trying to make this work a third time, and continuing a life with someone I clearly cannot trust in the least. I don't want to move back home, 3 states away and take his daughter away from him. He may not be husband material but I know he will be a good Dad and despite his mistakes, he is very excited about her. That puts me alone down here with my baby though because all of my friends and family are back home. I am capable of being on my own with her financially, and I lived alone plenty in the past so I am not afraid to, but it will definitely be hard to do without help with a baby. I don't want to make the decision to stay with him though just because it's the easier one.

I'm so stuck right now on what to do. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, right? I just really feel like the smart thing to do is to pack my bags and get myself settled before I have my baby.

Life sure likes to throw us curve balls.

I'm sorry but your husband sounds about as nuts as the ex. It's up to you on whether you stay but guess what? He's not going to change. He can use this "she's pressing charges" bull as long as he wants but that's all it is. Bull. The fact he started smashing things and throwing things when he got mad at you - that's a big red flag about him.

My ex used to tell me bs lies when I knew he was cheating on me with his ex wife before we got married. I saw texts - I knew they were. I should've stayed away then but I kept taking him back. Even after the first time he hit me I took him back. Then I got pregnant. He cheated on me right after I found out but he lied about this girl. He would go stay at her house and I knew what was going on. I stayed with him - and he admitted to it later on. But he would give me bull stories like your husband is giving you every time he cheated or asked for money or anything he knew I would not like. I kept giving him chances because he apologized and said he loved me and blah blah. Before he hit me, he'd throw . Punch walls. Break things.

He hit me three times and nearly killed me the last time and I was going to divorce him but I said "oh it was just the drugs." I filed for divorce last year when he relapsed and was spiraling. Then he went to rehab and was in recovery. Had a job. Pushed away his old druggie friends. Seemed to be on the right path and we got back together. Then he got arrested for something (which I don't think he did) I stupidly bailed him out - he relapsed again. Point is - he's never going to change no matter how much I want him to change. Your husband is never going to stop lying to you no matter how much you want him to.

If he's a good dad then you work out a visitation plan if you end up leaving him. It is hard to raise a baby alone. I've been doing it almost 2 years. Even when he was with us he wasn't really ever here. Plus our daughter has a genetic kidney disorder so it's even harder to do all the hospital stays, medications, infusions, etc by myself. But I do what's best for her. You will do what's best for your daughter.

Go with your gut. Listen to your head - not your heart. Your heart is stupid (trust me I know. Mine is). Always listen to your head.

I'm sorry but your husband sounds about as nuts as the ex. It's up to you on whether you stay but guess what? He's not going to change. He can use this "she's pressing charges" bull as long as he wants but that's all it is. Bull. The fact he started smashing things and throwing things when he got mad at you - that's a big red flag about him.

 

My ex used to tell me bs lies when I knew he was cheating on me with his ex wife before we got married. I saw texts - I knew they were. I should've stayed away then but I kept taking him back. Even after the first time he hit me I took him back. Then I got pregnant. He cheated on me right after I found out but he lied about this girl. He would go stay at her house and I knew what was going on. I stayed with him - and he admitted to it later on. But he would give me bull stories like your husband is giving you every time he cheated or asked for money or anything he knew I would not like. I kept giving him chances because he apologized and said he loved me and blah blah. Before he hit me, he'd throw . Punch walls. Break things.

 

He hit me three times and nearly killed me the last time and I was going to divorce him but I said "oh it was just the drugs." I filed for divorce last year when he relapsed and was spiraling. Then he went to rehab and was in recovery. Had a job. Pushed away his old druggie friends. Seemed to be on the right path and we got back together. Then he got arrested for something (which I don't think he did) I stupidly bailed him out - he relapsed again. Point is - he's never going to change no matter how much I want him to change. Your husband is never going to stop lying to you no matter how much you want him to.

 

If he's a good dad then you work out a visitation plan if you end up leaving him. It is hard to raise a baby alone. I've been doing it almost 2 years. Even when he was with us he wasn't really ever here. Plus our daughter has a genetic kidney disorder so it's even harder to do all the hospital stays, medications, infusions, etc by myself. But I do what's best for her. You will do what's best for your daughter.

 

Go with your gut. Listen to your head - not your heart. Your heart is stupid (trust me I know. Mine is). Always listen to your head.

Don't apologize you are completely correct and that's what I have said- It seems like they are the same kind of crazy and they deserve each other. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. I spent about a year in a physically/mentally abusive relationship and I know that damaging property is step number one. I've never thought, up until this point, that he showed signs of being capable of physical abuse, but we have also never been in a situation like that before. Now I know how he handles himself.

The first time this all came out I was so concerned with letting him off of the hook easily, in order to reward the fact that he did eventually come clean. I wanted him to feel more comfortable coming to me with anything in the future. Unfortunately it seems it had the opposite affect, and made him realize that getting caught in lies and all of that mess wasn't so bad and it wouldn't hurt to do it again. I am not making the same mistake twice.

The more I think about this, the more I know what I need to do. I need to go be on my own. Perhaps we won't divorce right away, but I definitely need time away from him I feel in order to clear my head and figure out if I ever want to go back. Being due so soon though complicates this situation so much. It's hard.

I'm sorry to hear all this is happening again to you, while you are pregnant! When I gave you the advice the first time, I was giving your husband the benefit of the doubt because the ex did seem nuts, but he sounds just as crazy! Even if he didn't lay a hand on you, how he reacted to you confronting him is just wrong! Smashing things is not a good sign. There are so many ways he could have dealt with this, especially if you gave him a chance at first. I really praise you for not bashing your husband and his ex in your post. It is a very classy thing to do.

That being said, I think right now, there is too much going on for you and is not healthy for you and the baby you are carrying. I'm a big believer is time and space to calm down. If you are cable of renting a place and supporting yourself financially. I think that might be your best options. Just make sure it's somewhere that you know people whom could give you a hand when needed. It is tough if you are by yourself with a newborn. Where does your mother in law live? You said she is supportive, so is it possible to find a place close to her so maybe she could give you a hand when needed? What you need right now, is to be in a drama free environment. At lease until the baby is born. Once the baby is born, you could think about working on the issue with your husband. (if you still want to by then) I say, give yourself some time and space away from your husband. How about he move out? Do you think that could be an option?