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Thread: Is there a name for this guy's behavior? And why is he doing it?

  1. #1
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    Is there a name for this guy's behavior? And why is he doing it?

    I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. There has been a few times where he has done this before but now it's happening almost on a daily basis and each time it happens it drives me more nuts and now I am at my wits end. I dont even know if there is a name for this behavior so i'll have to explain it...

    He will act totally distant (usually at work, we work together so we see each other there every day), he will barely look at me, come up with excuses why he isnt talking to me or cant hang out after work, etc. and when we walk out together he walks like he's alone or like he's trying to get away from me, so at the very end when we split up I go "well ok then I guess i'll talk to you later" and he'll kinda sorta turn his head (I'm behind him cuz he's walking fast) and mumble 'see ya later'. So I go home upset and wonder for hours what is going on. A few hours later he will message me on FB "I am bummed I haven't heard from you". *mind boggle* What the...!?!? So i said "you told me you were busy after work then you were going to bed early, and you havent been on FB so I thought you were sleeping" You can tell when someone is typing on FB, he typed then stopped, typed then stopped, literally like 10 times and finally he sends this; "sorry i said anything' What does THAT mean!? So I tried calling him and he stopped the call after 2 rings so it goes to voicemail, I said on Fb 'why arent you answering your phone?' he says "its late, i'm going to bed, i dont feel like talking right now'...Even though we normally talk on the phone until he passes out on me, why can't he talk now? He stayed on Fb 15 minutes longer and wouldn't reply to my next message which was "I'm confused, you barely talked to me at work, didnt want to hang out, barely said goodbye, then said you're bummed i didnt call you even though you told me you were going to bed early, so I call and you dont answer and dont wanna talk now?" and he didnt reply to that.

    What is he doing?! This has happened before just not to this extreme, it gets worse every time it happens. 2 weeks ago he said "I waited all day for you to kiss me and you didn't" even though I did at least twice! One time he said at work "I'm bummed you havent came to talk to me at all tonight" I said "You haven't came to talk to me either" and he said he was waiting to see how long it would take me to miss him. Another time he said I didn't come talk to him when I came in there 6 times!! I even reminded him how 3 of the times he wasn't in there and 3 of the times we talked, so why is he saying I didn't come talk to him? He rarely comes and talks to ME, so he's complaining that I am not doing something that HE isn't doing but I am! Also recently he will ignore my texts and FB messages then deny that he's ignoring them then say "you haven't tried to get a hold of me either"...WHAT?! I am the ONLY one trying! He is literally lying to my face about something that is obviously happening and how can he deny it, but he turns it around like I'm the one doing something wrong!

    What does he want from me? What does this behavior mean? I feel like I can't win.

  2. #2
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    He doesn't that interested in you or your relationship.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    The name for this behavior is "Being an Invalidating, Manipulative D_ckhead."

    What he wants is for you to serve him.

    No, you can't win if you stay in this relationship. But you can win if you leave and never look back.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Wants to make sure you keep chasing him and when he finds out again that you're still hooked..then he is satisfied with that and puts no more effort into it....it's an ego thing, but not that he's into you as much as you might think. He doesn't want you to go anywhere, but will put minimal effort in and won't put the same effort back.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Is there a name for this guy's behavior? And why is he doing it?

    At only 4 months, he's showing his true self and true intentions. Whatever that is, it's not to pursue a serious committed relationship with you. He's pushing and pulling, playing mind games, pushing you away but when you don't chase after him, he wonders whether you've lost interest / don't want him anymore, he wants to know you're there waiting for him and putting up with his games. He has no valid answer for your (very good) question where you pointed out his ridiculous behaviour, hence no response.

    No time for games is what I say. Cut your losses and do it quick when you haven't invested too much time and emotions in this. It's already like this in the early stages of dating where people should be on their best behaviour, and this is him on best behaviour. It won't get any better.

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    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    Immature, sick, twisted games, that's the name. This guy shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone. My question is, why are you putting up with this? Hopefully you know this is not what a guy who's into you looks and acts like!
    Time to tell this turd to go eff himself and to seek out a better man.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The name of this behavior is head games. What kind of relationship is this? Exclusive? FWB? It seems he just wants hook ups when it's convenient for him and doesn't want to be lovey-dovey at work (which is fine). He is probably chatting with/dating others.

    If you want a real relationship you need to end this nonsense and find a guy who's into you.
    Originally Posted by Rockchick26
    "its late, i'm going to bed, i dont feel like talking right now' he said he was waiting to see how long it would take me to miss him.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    but not that he's into you as much as you might think.
    It's funny you use those words because 2 weeks ago when he started acting wierd, he told me "I don't think you're into me as much as I'm into you", he has said this a few times over the course of our relationship and often said he knows I will end up leaving him when I realize he is a loser, etc. He said his biggest fear is rejection and he just knows I'm gonna reject him which is why he stays distant sometimes. I feel like he's making his biggest fear come true, and I've tried to make him realize HE is the one doing this, not me.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by notalady
    At only 4 months, he's showing his true self and true intentions. Whatever that is, it's not to pursue a serious committed relationship with you.
    It makes no sense though, from the beginning he told me he wants to be married and part of why he liked me was because I believe in monogamy like he does. He even said 2 weeks ago when he started acting wierd, "You don't want to be married and I do."

    It's already like this in the early stages of dating where people should be on their best behaviour, and this is him on best behaviour. It won't get any better.
    Well we're already past the early stages, the first 4 months he was totally different, he WAS on his best behavior. From day 1 he contacted me every day, said "good night beautiful" every night, waited 3 months for me to be ready to have sex (long story there), always sent gifs and messages saying how good he felt with me, how beautiful I was, how amazing I was, he poured his heart out more than any man I've ever dated.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It seems he's engineering an escape loophole.
    Originally Posted by Rockchick26
    he knows I will end up leaving him when I realize he is a loser

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