My boyfriend fingered me and I couldn't handle it

LOL forgive the pun in the title.

So I'm 18 and I graduate high school in a week. I have a boyfriend of about 3 months who is a little older than me. I am a virgin and he's not. We haven't had actual sexual intercourse yet but last night he fingered me and ate me out for the first time. He started by eating me out, which I actually enjoyed, but then he started fingering me and it hurt really bad. He said that he wasn't even deep at all but it felt really really deep. I kind of freaked out and pulled away because I wasn't expecting it to hurt that bad. I feel like I made him kind of irritated because he was really surprised at my reaction. I asked him if any other girl he's done that to has ever reacted like that before and he said no. He also said he's never done things with a virgin before when I asked him that. I felt so awkward because I was so unexperienced and uncertain of how to react. He said I should probably "practice on myself first" and then he stopped. I feel bad about this because I don't want my awkwardness to be a turn off in our relationship. I want to have a normal sexual relationship but I just don't enjoy what I've experienced so far. Any tips on how to deal with it and at least make it seem like I'm enjoying it next time?

You shouldn't pretend like you enjoy it just to please him. He is doing it for you, not for himself. Although I would agree it would be great if both of you enjoy it!

I think he was just scared that he accidentally hurt you. Try to talk about this with him and you don't blame him but you feel scared about what it will do for your relationship. Talk about the emotional effect this all has for you. I think it will open up the conversation and it would be easier to talk about the actually physics you now have to 'deal' with.

He is right by saying that you should probably try to do it on yourself. But only if you really want - which I think you do. The first time I was in pain too and I was just very tight and it needed some stretching. I decided not to tell my boyfriend about how painful it was and just went through with it. This is not to take as advice!

There are dildos in different sizes to try and stretch your vgna if you really want to practice. But otherwise just try with one finger, than two and so on. But me sure to be aroused and well lubricated (buy lube!! And if you're doing it with your boyfriend use lube too!). Lube is the best invention for a healthy sex life ever. Find some good lube, test it on your skin and feel how it feels. Be sure it's suitable for condoms too because some lubricants will make the condoms unreliable. But lube is great for every aspect in your sex life.

Any tips on how to deal with it and at least make it seem like I'm enjoying it next time?

Well, you shouldn't have to "pretend" to enjoy it, you should actually enjoy it. And if you don't like it, you should NEVER succumb to doing it just to keep your boyfriend happy. You did nothing wrong by telling your boyfriend to stop. I want to say this as well; if this guy is the right one and genuinely cares about you, he's NOT going to get upset that you didn't like it when he fingered you. He should only care about how it makes you feel, and if you didn't enjoy it, he should understand that. You shouldn't have to "pretend" just to keep him happy. Relationships (even in the sack) are mutual respect and understanding. If I were in his shoes, well, I would want you to enjoy it and I would want you to be honest if I were hurting your something, which is the way it should be. It's not going to be a turn off for a guy if something was hurting you.

Sex is going to have some awkwardness, whether you like it or not. That's why they say you should know this person is right for you before having sex with them. Because regardless of how, good, bad, or awkward it is, it shouldn't matter once you know that they are the right person. Sex should be about the intimacy and developing that deeper connection with someone. As far as the pain goes, you could be experiencing pain if you've never been penetrated before by anything obviously. If he wants to try this again, just tell him what does and doesn't feel comfortable with you. He should be understanding of that; if he's not, then this isn't the right guy for you. Good luck.

Where you wet? Properly wet? Because if' he's just stuck his finger in you without proper lubrication and relaxation, then yes that will hurt.

If you're not used to being penetrated by anything, then yes, the stretch will not be nice. You do need to start exploring yourself and finding out what you like.

I felt so awkward because I was so unexperienced and uncertain of how to react

Don't. Everyone starts somewhere. No one is born knowing this stuff. He should be the one feeling bad for having such poor manners.

Honestly, if you don't like it, don't do it. That's the best advice I can give. Don't ever make yourself do stuff sexually that you don't like or want to, to try and make someone else happy. Yes, learn about your body and what you like, but don't think you have to go along with someone elses pace just because, and don't ever feel bad for telling someone to stop.

Don't apologize and don't ask him about others. To be honest, he's probably a little clumsier than he wants you to believe.

I asked him if any other girl he's done that to has ever reacted like that before and he said no. I felt so awkward because I was so unexperienced and uncertain of how to react.

Not to be crude, but next time you see him casually check out his fingernails... they could be jagged (and therefore sharp)

This is pretty common in people who haven't had intercourse before. There are also just some girls are just really tight. I have a few friends who couldn't even use tampons at first. You can kind of work it out yourself and stretch yourself out a bit. Just be sure to go slowly and gently. You can also go to an OB/GYN. They have these things called dilators which are essentially different sized plastic tubes. You start with the smallest one and slowly work your way up to the larger ones. Those things should help. Even though sex can be uncomfortable and even painful the first time (some times even the first few times), don't let that discourage you! This isn't an uncommon problem and is usually pretty quickly resolved.

Agree with others in with thread. This is common if u haven't had sex before, and yes he is probably a little clumsier than he thinks. Just be honest to him and tell him how you feel about.

I have no patience for guys that get irritated over things like that. You are inexperienced. It is completely normal for it to be painful, especially if you've never used tampons or anything like that before.

You don't need to fake enjoyment. Go at the speed you are comfortable with, and if he cares about you, he will be happy to do that.

Like others have already stated, you have no reason to feel embarrassed. I'm also pretty sure this guy isn't a pro either. Just because he and many other guys have watched 1000s of porn videos on the internet doesn't mean they know what the hell their doing. I look back to some of my previous sexcapades from when I was in my early 20s and it is embarrassing compared to my technique now.

You'll want to clarify to yourself what aspect of your encounter, specifically, was uncomfortable and/or painful for you in order to move forward.

As has been pointed out, he's young and is assumptively inexperienced. It takes men quite a while to figure out how to 'handle' a woman's body. And then that will vary greatly from woman to woman. If he was too eager, he may have been too rough and that just hurts, plain and simple. Porn leads one to think that women enjoy being pounded upon or into.

If it felt like you were being scratched or a kind of a burning, then he probably needs to trim and file his nails. There's delicate bits down there.

If he was gentle, slow, his nails were already trimmed and you were into it and lubricated but the discomfort felt like stretching or pressure, then he's right, you'll want to spend some alone time and work on preparing your body. Lots of good suggestions on that have already been mentioned.

Go slowly, take your time and remember... sex is between and for TWO people (usually) so you have to enjoy it also. It's not just a carnival ride for him.

Thanks for the advice everyone! I will take this all into account for sure

Hello I agree with everyone but I will add something I recently had read about.

I don't know if it's true but it had said that it, doesn't hurt everyone. Tell the guy to go very slowly....that's basically it. Also a friend of mine said it didn't hurt her.