So conflicted and I have no idea how to move forward

I met this guy on Badoo more than a year ago. I'm 53 and he is 40. He comes from a very old school Italian background and has to report just about his every move to his parents and sibling. From our very first meeting, there was chemistry and we got on like a house on fire. It developed into a friends with benefits situation, but deep down we both know that there is more than just that. We have amazing times together and always have had.

About 2 weeks he messaged me to say that out of respect, he had to tell me that he had a fling over the weekend and wanted to know how I felt about it. He also added that he still wanted to keep seeing me.

I was horrified and speechless and didn't really know what to say. He kept assuring me that nothing would come of the fling, it is just for fun. On the one hand, he wants to keep seeing me and on the other, he still wants to see her.

Needless to say, when we had our next face to face meeting, things got quite heated, but he still insisted that he wants to see me and also this other person.

I just don't know how to handle this. I want to tell him to get lost, but I just cannot because he has such an impact on me. I want to ignore his messages and stop texting him but I feel absolutely powerless.

The worse thing of all is his parents are trying to push him into marriage and having babies to carry on the family name and both him and I know, it's not going to happen with me because they would not allow it - wouldn't happen with the fling either because she is of another race. He keeps saying that if only things were different. I'm in love with this man but will not tell him that.

I know this looks and sounds foolish, but maybe, just maybe there is someone out there with a similar experience that can offer me some advice.

If you want a relationship with this man and he cannot give you a relationship then is there any point of continuing to meet up with him and get your rocks off? I can see you getting hurt before too long, so that is perhaps something for you to think about. Also you have to think about your sexual health, if he's sleeping with you and another woman who is to say his sexual escapades couldn't impact negatively on your sexual health? That's also food for thought.

Casual sex is fine when you don't have feelings, but the moment you have feelings then it's probably time to either confess those feelings and see what happens or walk away from the situation for your own sake.

There is no future here but you already know that. Cut it off. You're just a fling for him and there is no long term future.

And I don't know how traditional his family is or isn't, but having been a part of a traditional Italian family for 13 years I've never seen a 43 year old man still controlled by his parents to that extent. Sounds a little fishy.

Thank you both for your input.

I've debated coming right out and telling him how I feel and see what happens - maybe I'll just do that.

And yes, I know I'm in denial about the reality of the situation, hopefully, I'll come to my senses sooner rather than later.

As you mentioned...it was like a house on fire. This is about passion, not building a relationship and you both know it. There's nothing to worry about because you know it's not going anywhere. At least he is honest, but good Casanovas usually are, so there's no drama in the end.

I want to tell him to get lost, but I just cannot because he has such an impact on me.

If he was truly that traditional, he would have been married off to a nice girl while still in his 20's and have had a whole brood of kids by now that are half grown. Are you even sure he is reporting to his parents or more likely his wife who knows he is a cheating dirt bag.

As for your something special....it may be to you, but very painfully clearly not to him. He is having some fun with you and he just casually informed you that he also sought out someone else for added fun for himself and that he plans on banging both of you....casually...... There is nothing here that is special except your blindness to the ugliness of the situation. I mean the dude is just using you as casual peace of meat to stick his sausage into and apparently not fully satisfied with just one piece of meat. I'm sorry if this stings, but good grief, you have to snap out of this fantasy in your head about him before you pick up some STD from this creep.....if you haven't already that is..... This is both sad and scary.

Please drop him, block, delete all contact and take yourself to get checked for all kinds of STD's immediately. As for support, call your friends, get new hobbies, go skydiving or something - just do whatever you need to do to get this insanity out of your system because it really is insanity.

He has given you all the info you need about where he stands: he is still willing to keep you as one of his flings, but it will never progress beyond that. He knows how you feel about him, so telling him won't change anything.

It all comes down to how you feel about being in a guy's rotation of women. If you're ok with it and want to stay for the sex, then stay. If you want feelings, commitment and loyalty, keep looking because this guy will never give them to you. There is nothing confusing about it.

If he was truly that traditional, he would have been married off to a nice girl while still in his 20's and have had a whole brood of kids by now that are half grown.

This is a good point. Have you met his family?

Are you sure that it is they who are putting pressure on him, and not him blaming others for his failure to assume an adult level of responsibility?