Would it bother you if the person you were with didn't have any friends?

I'm an introvert, always have been. I am shy and a little awkward socially. I can count on one hand the number of friends that I have. I don't need to be social, I'm perfectly fine being alone or meeting for dinner with a small group every once in a while.

However, my boyfriend of over 4 years is extremely social and loves large gatherings and hosting parties, hanging out with friends, etc. I think that's great, I don't have a problem being around his friends or when he goes out alone with them.

I may be more of a homebody then he is but I'm not clingy, crazy, a jerk or anything like that. I just don't have that many friends. And I'm ok with that, but lately this has really been bothering me. Mainly because it seems to bother my bf more and more. But this is something that he knows about me, it's not like I hid this fact from him or anything.

But when he get a group of people together, I can't really contribute that much. If the few friends I have are busy, then I can't just call up other people you know? And I feel like he has been adding a lot of pressure lately for me to have friends. It's getting to the point where I feel embarrassed everytime I have to explain they're busy and I can't find anyone to come with us. I feel bad for not having a large group of friends now.

Would it bother you guys if the person you're with isn't very social or have many friends?

If it matters, I'm in my mid 20's and mybf is in his late 20's

Your boyfriend should not be pressuring you to have more friends. Sometimes its quality over quantity. He sounds like an attention hog and wannabe mr. popular. You two sound incompatible if that is the case.

Early on in our relationship my husband had really bad social anxiety and I was very extroverted but after many many years together he has become more extroverted and I have taken on some of his homebody qualities.

The number of friends wouldn't matter as much as whether she were close enough friends with at least someone so that I knew I wasn't being almost exclusively dependent on to fulfill my partner's interpersonal needs. My girlfriend can talk to me about anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want her to. When it comes to Gilmore Girls, whatever article she read in Vogue, or mundane workplace gripes, I'd strongly prefer she had a girl friend to fall back on. Even if you do your best to not be clingy or needy, it's a lot of pressure for someone to be so heavily centered in your social life.

Then again, you've got couples who would be perfectly content living alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

What has he said or done to make you feel pressured to make more friends?

Wow...it's like I could of wrote this. My ex had so many friends, and they were always calling him asking him to hangout. I had around 3 friends I could hangout with through out our 4 year relaionship. I like you am an introvert and don't need and thrive on social interaction. This was a blessing and a curse to my relationship. I ultimately did end up relying on my partner a bit too much as the friends I did have weren't always available. Just don't rely on him too much when your friends are busy...I think men don't like feeling that kind of pressure, and it made mine end it with me. Good luck.

The number of friends wouldn't matter as much as whether she were close enough friends with at least someone so that I knew I wasn't being almost exclusively dependent on to fulfill my partner's interpersonal needs. My girlfriend can talk to me about anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want her to. When it comes to Gilmore Girls, whatever article she read in Vogue, or mundane workplace gripes, I'd strongly prefer she had a girl friend to fall back on. Even if you do your best to not be clingy or needy, it's a lot of pressure for someone to be so heavily centered in your social life.

 

Then again, you've got couples who would be perfectly content living alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

 

What has he said or done to make you feel pressured to make more friends?

He gets impatient with me when I can't get friends together for a group. I don't have a problem with him hanging out with his friends, I don't monopolize his time or demand we hang out all the time. I do have a life outside of this relationship but it seems lately its been bothering him.

I can understand that. as an extrovert, I can see why my introvertness would bother him. I just don't know why this is a recent problem. I've always been this way and it hasn't been a problem before. Or at least he's never made me feel weird about it before.

Wow...it's like I could of wrote this. My ex had so many friends, and they were always calling him asking him to hangout. I had around 3 friends I could hangout with through out our 4 year relaionship. I like you am an introvert and don't need and thrive on social interaction. This was a blessing and a curse to my relationship. I ultimately did end up relying on my partner a bit too much as the friends I did have weren't always available. Just don't rely on him too much when your friends are busy...I think men don't like feeling that kind of pressure, and it made mine end it with me. Good luck.

I'm sorry it didn't work out with you. Can I ask if this was something that always bothered him? You guys were together for a while and I assume you were always introverted during that time.

I ask because this wasn't an issue before but lately I feel like it's bothering him more and more. Im not very clingy, Im fine with him being social on his own. I just don't really need that or want it.

Early on in our relationship my husband had really bad social anxiety and I was very extroverted but after many many years together he has become more extroverted and I have taken on some of his homebody qualities.

Was it a problem for you that your husband didn't have as many friends or wasn't as social as you were? I mean I know guys ended up marrying but was it ever an issue or concern for you? How did you guys work through it if it was?

Your boyfriend should not be pressuring you to have more friends. Sometimes its quality over quantity. He sounds like an attention hog and wannabe mr. popular. You two sound incompatible if that is the case.

Yes, I think if he really can't deal with my lack of friends then we won't last because that's not something I can change.

Wow...it's like I could of wrote this. My ex had so many friends, and they were always calling him asking him to hangout. I had around 3 friends I could hangout with through out our 4 year relaionship. I like you am an introvert and don't need and thrive on social interaction. This was a blessing and a curse to my relationship. I ultimately did end up relying on my partner a bit too much as the friends I did have weren't always available. Just don't rely on him too much when your friends are busy...I think men don't like feeling that kind of pressure, and it made mine end it with me. Good luck.

No one does, male or female.

It's pretty much what j.man said. Friends to fall back on for certain things are important.

Was it a problem for you that your husband didn't have as many friends or wasn't as social as you were? I mean I know guys ended up marrying but was it ever an issue or concern for you? How did you guys work through it if it was?

Initially it was a problem because he never wanted to do anything that wasn't just me and him and he did not want me going anywhere with friends either. I met him when he had just turned 20. His family was also very anti social. His dad demanded everyone in the family be a homebody whereas my family was very social. I think he realized over time that this was detrimental to him and I just started going out as I wanted to. But now after many years we have many traits of the other in many different ways .

I can understand that. as an extrovert, I can see why my introvertness would bother him.

What I'm saying is there's a difference between my girlfriend being an introvert and genuinely being fine turning inward and my girlfriend having all the same interpersonal needs an extrovert has but relying on me to fulfill them. You can be fine with him going out with the guys, but if he feels like he's going to be the one you're going to go to whenever you've gotta vent about anything at all or if there's something you find really interesting that's safe to assume 95% of men wouldn't care about, that pressure will still be there.

I'd find it kind of surprising if he's getting upset over you not going out with friends if he's happy with his friends and you're genuinely happy hanging by yourself, especially considering he knew it coming in. My hunch is that he is feeling the pressure of at least feeling like the pressure's on him to be best friend, girl friend, and boyfriend. But you know your relationship better than I do. Maybe it is that he genuinely just wants you to have your own social circle for him to expand into.

He gets impatient with me when I can't get friends together for a group. He gets impatient with me when I can't get friends together for a group.

This seems like a different issue than having friends. Is it more about organizing social gatherings? Does he feel he's carrying the weight for socializing together? In a couple, each has their strengths and while getting to know each other you are figuring those out. He might be strong in the socializing and organizing groups and you might be strong in other things that support your connection.

Just because you don't have a ton of friends doesn't mean you don't have your own life outside of the relationship. You shouldn't feel bad for not having a large group of friends. You should sit down with him and explain your side of things, especially after being together for four years. You have to be able to accept the other for who they are and not expect them to change.

I just don't know why this is a recent problem. I've always been this way and it hasn't been a problem before. Or at least he's never made me feel weird about it before.

Hi, I am JUST like you! Very introverted, really don't have any friends, prefer to just stay to myself, but wouldn't necessarily have a problem socializing with others if the situation arose.

I'm wondering if someone said something to him about it, since you said it's a recent problem. Could one of his friends have asked him why you never bring your own friends along, or something of that nature? Maybe it caused him to feel insecure about what others think. I used to be embarrassed that I had no/few friends, that I didn't have anyone to bring along somewhere when someone suggests it. Many extroverts simply do not understand introverts at all, like they don't even know it's a "thing." Maybe your bf feels a tad bit embarrassed if his friends ask him to ask you to bring some of your friends along, and he doesn't know how to explain why you don't/can't.

Just a guess. Maybe worth asking him about.

ETA: I've often wondered what I would do if I were to ever get married, and the guy had a ton of friends and family, and I just had my very very small group. It really can be a bit awkward to try to explain things to people who aren't the same way.

I wouldn't have a problem with it as I only have a handful of friends, but I would expect her to be able to occupy herself when I am not around. I would hate to feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her and couldn't see friends and have some much needed alone time. I couldn't tolerate a situation like that.