Lost and lacking direction...

Not sure if this goes here, as it spans a few of the other subjects.

Have worked in Special Ed in an Elementary school for 16 years. Decided I was burned out and the district coincidentally sent out an incentive deal that I grabbed. I took early retirement at the age of 55. Since then, I have subbed in exactly the same field, sometimes at the very same school (!) for 2 years. I get good money but am only allowed to work 600 hours per year. I had llived in the same town, same state for 18 years.

I felt that I was truly stuck in a rut and so decided to move to Vegas, where my ex husband is living-we divorced amicably and he just retired. Vegas seemed like a great place to live, as I like exploring and the energy that is in this town. My ex would Skype me before i came out, full of promises of things we were going to do. There was never any intention on my part to get back together and I stated this very clearly. He seemed to have mellowed and much more open, more empathetic a person than when we were married and I felt that it would all be a good move. I packed my 18 years of life and drove cross country to be here.

Now, after 4 months, I think I've made an awful mistake. He doesn't want to go anywhere, is back to being the closed off person he was during the marriage. He was laid off a couple of years ago and did eventually get another job, and is financially very solvent now,. But he says that experience has made him phobic about spending ANY money-he refuses to even go down to the Strip for coffee and people watch, which is one of the things he said he'd do. I decided to heck with it and started exploring alone, which has been fun, but there's only so much one can do alone , without wanting to share it with another person.

Schools in Nevada are not well ranked and I have no desire to just duplicate my life as it was before. Having said that, I miss my friends very much, my support systems, my doctors, the guy I was seeing on and off (who still calls and texts every day). I can't put my finger of why Vegas isn't working for me. I know I haven't given it a lot of time, but I simply don't want to stay here.

I do have money to live on and I want to spend it travelling-I have been to Australia 3 times and last year went to Norway (I'm originally from the UK) so that part of it is good. The other parts are not. I feel completely lost and purposeless. I want to get in my car and do a road trip here in the West, then return to my former state (except I now no longer have anywhere to live) and sub for a while, build up more $ and go to Spain with a friend at Christmas. My ex knows I don't want to stay here.

I suppose my questions are-is it okay to admit one's mistakes and return to be with people you love and who love and miss you? I obviously didn't think this through, but I was quite the adventurer when younger and felt that if I forced myself to move, things would be different. Instead i feel I've gone back 20 years. I don't like living with my ex, we get along fine, but it just reminds me of the marriage. To cap it off, he has never told anyone in his family that we are divorced! And we are taking a road trip to see his 93 year old mother, whom I havent seen in 13 years. She doesn't know we're divorced so is getting "Our" bedroom ready (ex will sleep on the floor on a sleeping bag) and encouraging us to take trips, etc. while we're there.

I feel locked into this people pleasing mode and don't know where to turn.

Sorry, I know this is all over the place, but I wonder if anyone has any words of wisdom for me. My instinct is to just keep travelling and say the heck with it, though I know it's not really responsible-then again life's too short and I don't want to stay in Vegas.

Help! And thanks for reading this huge wall of text!

It may be better to cut your losses and move back or somewhere else.

I can't put my finger of why Vegas isn't working for me.

Thank you so much for your reply. This is a very difficult time for me and I really do appreciate you being the ONLY one who cared enough to take the time to offer your advice.

I suppose my questions are-is it okay to admit one's mistakes and return to be with people you love and who love and miss you?

Absolutely.