Unhappy with life

I'm in my mid 20's and have spend most of my life trying to fix my not existent happiness. Now when I use the word "happiness" I use it loosely as I don't know the true meaning. I have never felt it.

I use to believe finding an amazing woman and settling down with her would make me happy, that not all… but most of my issues would go away. That she would be able to give me the motivation to pursue my passions in life. It hasn't been till recently that I really woke up and realized that happiness comes from within and is created by ones self.

I am not a happy person by any means. I don't have the things I want most in life and some of them are so simple, yet so far away. I would like nothing more to know what it's like, to fill these missing puzzle pieces, but where does one start? I spend so much time being jealous of others and what relationships they have and what I don't I lose focus on everyday life.

How does one become happy when they feel the constant struggle of being alive? I live with fear, rejection, disappointment that I can't keep my head up. I don't want to live like this.

" It hasn't been till recently that I really woke up and realized that happiness comes from within and is created by ones self."

Kfred.

Just that realization alone has you on the right path. "Happiness" (I prefer the word contentment) does come from within. One has to be content with oneself.

Do not compare yourself to others. You have no idea of what their "relationship" might really be like. None.

Why do you think you feel this "fear, rejection and disappointment"? Perhaps it might be a good idea to discuss your feelings with a therapist.

"given that we have the means to distinguish between happiness and contentment, we can examine how they differ and, in so doing, identify an alternative to the futile pursuit of happiness."

From:

and

Very true. Although neither of which I can relate to. I am far from content. I always want more or better- at least for myself. I have tried counseling. It has never been truly successful for me.

Perhaps then OP this is at the heart of the matter (and a futile pursuit).

"I spend so much time being jealous of others and what relationships they have and what I don't I lose focus on everyday life. "

We all struggle, all of us. Life is no Utopia for anyone.

So, what are you afraid of exactly? (you say you live with fear). Who or what is rejecting you? (you say you live with rejection).

I've come across tons of people in sports, sitting on the sidelines, seething with jealousy and even rage, making snide spiteful comments at those who do win. You know what they all have in common? Lack of work ethic. They want to win, they just don't want to do all the hard work it actually takes to get there. The operative term here being sitting on the sidelines instead of training their tail off.

Same thing goes for you - you are so focused on what others have, you can't even function. So how the heck are you going to get anything if you are not focused on the actual work it takes to get it? When I say work, I don't mean just mechanical work, but also dealing mentally with setbacks, disappointments, effs ups, delays, problems, etc., etc., etc. and at the end of the day overcoming all of that and persevering until you get to where you want to be.....oh and you don't get to sit on your laurels then either because there is always something snapping at your heels.....you keep on pushing and pushing. That's how people have what you want. You want it? Go get it - there is no other way.

As my grandfather would say, "wishes are like farts in the wind, get you absolutely nowhere, so stop wishing and start doing."

Well and forcefully put Dancing. L.

"Same thing goes for you - you are so focused on what others have, you can't even function. So how the heck are you going to get anything if you are not focused on the actual work it takes to get it?"

where does one start? I spend so much time being jealous of others and what relationships they have and what I don't I lose focus on everyday life.

Step 1: stop doing this. Unless and until you start viewing the achievements of others as your signal that if it's possible for them, it also possible for you, you'll sink yourself.

Step 2: write a list of what you want.

Step 3: choose the most attainable thing on the list and write another list of the steps you'll need to take to achieve that thing. Start working those steps.

Alternate step 3: choose the most important thing on that list, even if it's a long range goal, and put the rest aside if they would delay your plan for this goal. Break it down into steps for achievement and start working those steps.

Point is, you can't attain what you want unless you decide what you want. Then you can focus on how to get there instead of sulking about not having it yet.

Head high.