"All you care about is making yourself look better"

Hello friends,

I have a girlfriend and we've been together for a few years. I'm in my late 20's and she's in her early 20's.

Over our 2 years relationship I realized I had slipped into the relationship comfort zone. I gained 30 lbs and honestly let myself go with out even realizing it.

About 6 months ago I saw a picture of myself that triggered the start of a "revolution" my girlfriend wasn't happy with the weight she gained either so we started the journey together. We literally have worked out 6 days a week since January. I have lost 30 lbs and I feel really good about myself. My gf had t lost much weight (she didn't really need to) but she has gained muscle and in opinion looks amazing.

I will admit that I have become obsessed with better myself.. I've started taking care of my body in every way. When we go out to dinner I don't really drink anymore and I only order boring heathy stuff.

This all came to a head last week.. We got into a fight over something silly and I eventually got her to admit how she felt.

She told me working out isn't fun anymore and I care about it more than her ( not true ) she said we aren't spending quality time together ( I assumed going to work out together was quality Time) she then called me cocky. I truly don't feel that way I think it's just that for the first time since we've been together I have some self confidence and it's coming off that way to her.

I don't know what to do because I'm happy with my new life style and I want to keep going with it full speed ahead. If she doesn't want to do it with me I'm worried it's going to tear us apart.

Thanks for reading

The problem is it sounds like working out is all you ever do. No, going to the gym is NOT quality time. It is not the two of you going out to the movies or sharing something besides working out. Unless all she wants to do is go to the gym and nothing else matters it's not a healthy balance. And I'm sorry, but I work out, and it's boring. I do horseback riding, hiking, rock climbing and those things are fun. I share those activities with my spouse and my friends, it's fun.

Standing there lifting weights and sweating through a yoga class? Not fun, not fun at all, but I do it to be healthier and to allow me the stamina to go do the things that are fun. That's the difference. I also like going to restaurants, art galliers, the movies, you name it. All things that working out allows me to do by staying healthy, but working out itself is not a substitute for those things.

I'm sorry, I think it's great you're working out and health conscious, but it is not the only thing in life you should be doing.

What your girlfriend is likely upset about is it sounds like there's no balance and balance is key in all things. Working out, eating fine are great. But not if that's all you ever do and you don't take the time to go do other activities and enjoy life in general.

Now, if you are doing all of those other things too then your girlfriend might be feeling threatened a bit by the new you. This is something you really are going to have to kind of determine, but just take a look and ask yourself when the last time was you did something fun that wasn't just going to the gym? And take it from there.

Thank you for the input! I should have specified about the activities we actually do.

This winter we went on 3 ski trips out of state. Also, several trips to our local mountain. We went to Jazzfest in NOLA last month.

We hike on occasion too. I work 40-50 hours a week & We're both in school. Free time isn't super abundant. The other day I said we should go see a movie but she didn't want to go.

If you're taking all your free time (which sounds limited) and working out instead of hanging out with her, I can see why she would get upset. Prioritize date nights sometime and go ahead and have that unhealthy burger or mojito once in awhile.

Side note - I've read numerous studies that show that a partner will start to work out more before they end a relationship because they want to look better when the relationship is over to better their odds of finding someone else. These studies are everywhere. Even if it isn't your intention, she may have seen one of these and it may be making her self conscious.

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I am not accusing you of cheating at all. She just may be starting to feel insecure. Just a thought

Thank you for the input! I should have specified about the activities we actually do.

 

This winter we went on 3 ski trips out of state. Also, several trips to our local mountain. We went to Jazzfest in NOLA last month.

 

We hike on occasion too. I work 40-50 hours a week & We're both in school. Free time isn't super abundant. The other day I said we should go see a movie but she didn't want to go.

are these her ideas or yours?

are these her ideas or yours?

We both enjoy skiing so it was a mutual thing. And her family is from LA so that was her idea ( wasn't hard to convince me because I love going there). So I would say it's very balanced.

As far as the study's posed above. I understand that completely. It makes sense.

The thing about all of this is we decided to go on a fitness journey together. We were both 100% committed ( she still is ) she went to the gun twice the other day. It's become part of our daily lives but now she's wanting to dial it back.

She did tell me she was worried that if she didn't keep up the intensity with me I would move on from her. I don't know if that's true or not at this point but the thought worries me.

I feel like once I achieve my goal weight I will feel more content with with cheat meals and taking more days off from the gym.

Generally speaking, couples don't share all of their hobbies. I'm not seeing why she can't scale back her workouts while you keep hitting it as hard as you can while still making time for you two to do couples activities.

Yeah, I agree with some of the others, perhaps she feels threatened by the new "you", and also, perhaps a bit jealous and/or guilty that she hasn't kept it up on her part, especially when she sees you eating healthy and not drinking etc. She should be proud of you and encouraging you in my opinion.

But what can you do, you should never have to jeopardise your own health for the sake of a relationship. Maybe you could show her that you're doing all this so that she finds you more attractive? You are allowed separate interests after all.

Yeah, I agree with some of the others, perhaps she feels threatened by the new "you", and also, perhaps a bit jealous and/or guilty that she hasn't kept it up on her part, especially when she sees you eating healthy and not drinking etc. She should be proud of you and encouraging you in my opinion.

 

But what can you do, you should never have to jeopardise your own health for the sake of a relationship. Maybe you could show her that you're doing all this so that she finds you more attractive? You are allowed separate interests after all.

Yes, I agree with this - with the caveat that you ALSO include her in things. And that they are proper dates and not fitness oriented.

It could be that your relationship needs a lot more balance than just hanging out at the gym six days a week.

I also believe too that when you feel good about yourself other people begin to notice it. Therefore, it wouldn't surprise me if this attitude and new you is catching eyes and drawing attention to yourself. For you it's all new and comfortable, but for her there's a hidden fear tucked away on the inside that you might stray after a while.