Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Long long story short.. I'll Coles notes it. I meet the love of my life at a gig I was playing, we ended up not spending a single night apart for 7 years, had a baby boy, house in the country and everything we ever wanted... She met a guy, I think cheated not out of spite but just was trashed and her friends are a bit trashy... she really isn't. We all !take mistakes, it seems she kinda gave us up rather than face the truth which so!e personal events would reveal (before disappearing cried her eyes out all night telling me it wasn't my fault she was hurting me and was begging me not to go away) The next day she was gone, took our kid and made some horrific allegations against me which I went bankrupt in court proving false It's been 5 years and not a day goes by I don't Miss her, she still just flat hates me For no reason, I try to help, I always pay support even over my own needs, I just miss her so much sometimes I hear a song and need to pull over and just cry... I ended up relapsing over it hard and was just wanting to die, I'm clean for a long time again but it still feels like a crushing pain everyday... I know if Inlet myself get mad about what she did to my career and life I can get over it silently, by she's always been in my heart I ended up in another long term relationship, we had an unexpected son, were working on us but I don't know what to say when I wake up from a nightmare only to realize it's reality I'm tired of feeling like this, how do you !I've on? I know this isn't what she wanted but it's too late for both of us now,each re-married with kids..... Worst yet, our next albums coming out and everyone who's heard it knows exactly what it's about and I'm a bit stressed, too late to re-write anything now as it's been mixed down and mastered. Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Mind my tablet, kB is brutal on it Btw we never fought, never yelled, never anything bad, as far as I knew we were as madly in love as ever before she disappeared and changed into the meanest person I've ever met. Why is she still angry at me if I let her have her own way still, I rather her happy then unhappy with me once wanting to stop the pain in a healthy way I just hate these overwhelming waves of missing her It's been exactly 5 years this month since the divorce Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 I would strongly suggest therapy. At some point you need to let go. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Are you happy in this relationship? Do you see your kids? I ended up in another long term relationship, we had an unexpected son, were working on us but I don't know what to say when I wake up from a nightmare only to realize it's reality Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Yea I'm happy but that's relative, I know I need therapy the problem is the current partner freaks out about this so it's all bottled up. I would have to find a way to secretly get therapy in. I know it's not healthy, a part of me feels like I would hurt more getting over her.... I've been with my share, nobody has ever close to that relationship, it will always be the happiest and healthiest time of my life so it's really hard... By yes, I'm a good dad and while I did have an intense relapse I went back to rehab, this is old news but I'm always afraid one day wrong place, wrong time, wrong people and I could relapse again, I'm not in any way missing that life, but it numbs everything. I spent almost a decade struggling with drugs prior to meeting her, I never want that again so no worries on that part. I'm more fearful of drugs now then ever because I'm aware of how easily they would devoir me at this point. The hardest part of letting go is watching her go from crying and staring me right in the eyes begging me not to let her go and them having her disappear for 3 months after with our kid and a stranger only to find her in court on our next meeting and her haring me ever since. I guess it sounds stupid but if I knew whether or not she felt an ounce of recourse it would be a breathe of fresh air to move on, I know it's done, it was great, it will always be the happiest time of !y life but it will never be the same. I'm not. Diluted and holding purposely. I just miss her so much it hurts Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 I definitely want to move on... it's hard to say that though and follow through. I wish it was all a nightmare but it's life. I see many have never gotten over this. That is whats scaring me at the moment (Please excuse my keyboard again) Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 You are choosing to stay where you are. For some reason, the pain is a form of comfort. A bit masochistic to want to stay in the drama. It is not fair to your partner to be involved with her, while you choose to hold on to that previous mess. You should get some counseling and stay single for a long while. And, please no more kids, until you are certain you are in a good place. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 This sounds like the main struggle, not the ex or the current relationship. of course stress and bad times make you vulnerable. Go to meetings, therapy, rehab...whatever you need and let no one stand in your way. Why would they "freak out" about therapy are either of them users? I did have an intense relapse I went back to rehab, this is old news but I'm always afraid one day wrong place, wrong time, wrong people and I could relapse again. I spent almost a decade struggling with drugs prior to meeting her.I'm more fearful of drugs now then ever. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 I definitely want to move on... it's hard to say that though and follow through. I wish it was all a nightmare but it's life. I see many have never gotten over this. That is whats scaring me at the moment (Please excuse my keyboard again) Nope. you are making an active choice NOT to move on, Don't understand why moving on with your life with scare you. What attracts you to this drama??? Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 The internet lacks context. I agree with you but the lack of information probably makes it look different depending on your perspective I take good care of my current partner and do love her, we are good to each other and it's not that I *want* my ex back, but rather that there's a void of what she filled thatit seems was exclusive to her. I'm not sure it's a choice, I have to see her every week to get my son, she's been a bit flirty a few times which made me angry because it messes with me. Most I imagine would jump at that oppertunity but I don't assist in cheating and whikenIndiakike her husband In respect him. It feels like there's to me's, the one who was with my ex wife and the current me. Different lives... There's no wanting her back, I am really happy with how she is raising our son. Her going back to school and being happy her husband and never want to affect that. The issue is primarily when things remind me of her and back then. I still live in the same building as our first apartment (I've moved here like 5 times in my life, a nice place). Me and the current partner don't live together as we fight over stupid stuff but she's bipolar and is stabilizing after a bad episode, it's hard to explain online, even as a former Social Worker with a psych Degree. I've placed the relationship where it belongs, I domt intend on any further children by won't abandoned my youngest because he wasn't planned as his older brother with my ex was. I'm also not unhappy with my current spouse, I suppose I have reached the point of wanting o nonlinear have these feelings of pain for my ex anymore, I ran across this site and you all seem well experienced. Thanks for your input btw, I am aware Incant self diagnose or treat myself regardless of my professional history, that being said It's not like I'm unemployed and crippled by this, just ready to find a path away from pain I suppose (a healthy one at that) Link to comment
Clinton Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 I second the therapy suggestion Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 What I meant by it scares me to move on is most of my artistic output pulls from this era, those who know me know it as well and agree it's terrible yet has produced my most moving compositions. It scares me to let go of the familiarity of it, the way we used to watch the stars at night is a happy memory, so when I see a full sky light up its inspiring. Familiar pain can be more comforting than nothing at all even if it sounds crazy Per substances, I will never relapse again, I was clean a long time. I had a brief one, got help immediately and still go to a counselor for it Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 P.S thanks for the vent. You're all right, just haven't let this out in ... well ever Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 It sounds like this huge contrast is eating you up. You can't change her situation but you could change yours. It's great you see the value of the stable environment your ex and her husband have for the sake of your kids. I am really happy with how she is raising our son. Her going back to school and being happy her husband and never want to affect that. Me and the current partner don't live together as we fight over stupid stuff but she's bipolar and is stabilizing after a bad episode Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 It sounds like this huge contrast is eating you up. You can't change her situation but you could change yours. It's great you see the value of the stable environment your ex and her husband have for the sake of your kids. I agree, it doesn't help that's for certain Link to comment
Somethingwitt Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Thanks for reading btw, getting this out has felt like a weights been lifted. Therapy is definitely in order Link to comment
Clinton Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 P.S thanks for the vent. You're all right, just haven't let this out in ... well ever best of luck my friend. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 You are not doing your girlfriend any favors by being with her. If you are not over the ex, then this is not right. It sounds like you are choosing to stay in victim-mode. I would address this with a therapist, as it seems to be a place of comfort for you. It's time to step up and take more responsibility with your life, not only for you, but for your children. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 You are choosing to stay where you are. For some reason, the pain is a form of comfort. A bit masochistic to want to stay in the drama. It is not fair to your partner to be involved with her, while you choose to hold on to that previous mess. You should get some counseling and stay single for a long while. And, please no more kids, until you are certain you are in a good place. This is the best reason you're going to find. Agreed. Link to comment
AnastasiaB Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 You should be able to get to a place where you can look on the happy times fondly instead of with pain. Therapy should help with that. Link to comment
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