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I'm hurt and not sure what to do ...


IndieTalks

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So ,this is my first time posting here ,but My mother always said it helps to write things down .So here it goes ! ^^

 

For a couple of weeks now ,I've been dating this guy ,and everything was really really good .Until last Tuesday ,where he was pushing me slightly for sex ...constantly hinting for it ,taking about it .After our day out ,we went back to his ,where I said I couldn't have sex with him until A) I was a little more secure in the relationship and B) I was on some form of protection ,not wanting any mistakes to happen .After I told him this ,he went completely weird on me ,going to the other side of the room and falling asleep ,leaving me just say there .After waking up ,it really did feel like he was ignoring me ,he just totally focused on his phone ,hardly saying two words .Everytime I tried to go for some sort of intimacy ,he would back off and tell me to "watch the show " or "get ready to go home " .

By this point, I have to tell you I was freakin out ,so I started asking if I had offended him ...or whether he was okay .Trying my best to try and explain my position (I suffer with anxiety) and through these questions he sit there roll his eyes ,say everything was fine or just simply tell me to "shut up " or calm the down " .When it was time for me to go ,I go no word of meeting again ,and literally zero percent of effection .I was convinced it was over ,hence a weekend of crying ,and trying to get on with life .It didn't help the fact that the next day he was online ,but not once bothered to message me .So I tried messaging him ,and the conversation was let's just put it this way "Very very dry " single word replies ,and one sentences no emojis ,kisses or anything .

 

Preparing myself to try and get over it ,it was the next day that he actually texted me .And so ,having a little bit of courage ,I told him his actions had upset ,but I was partly to fault .In short I thought everything was sorted out after this .He said he still wanted to be with me and accepted that I wouldn't go all the way for a while .We started talking again ,but now the problem comes ...his way of talking to me has changed .Normally I don't mind a few less emojis ,or kisses ...we were never really big on that anyway .But his way of texting me now ,involves NONE .And it really feels like it's me putting in the effort ...his replies ,very short and dry .Upset ,I came offline ,only to receive a message from him last night saying "Hey " ...that's it .Which isn't really normal for him .The anxiety of him or this situation really isn't helpin me in life ,and I'm crying like He's a damn look ,and yet Everytime this weekend ,I've said to myself ,I'll just cut ties with him ...I find I can't ,and can't help but remember the good times .Im known to get attached to easily 😖 I've responded this morning ,and I'm just waiting on his reply ,but my question is ,do I continue this way ,or do I just let go ...I need some sort of input really .My friends too involved in their own relationship to really be bothered 😏

Thanks ...and have a good day !😌

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I think you should really think about this relationship and its future, is this type of behavior something you can handle for the rest of your life? Or do you even see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't respect your values and beliefs. Its perfectly okay to want to wait to get intimate, and if he cant respect that then you need to move onto someone who does respect you. Anyways, the main thing to think about is whether or not this is something you could handle throughout a relationship with this guy, or will you be crying all the time?

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I mean uhhh this is mature. (Sarcasm).

 

Why not cut your losses and be a better person? That thing that runs down the back of your body is called a spine so let's use it, beautiful. Don't let this guy ruin your days. You already realise you suffer with anxiety and him pressuring for sex and then not talking and then talking again is doing you no favours at all.

 

Tell him to either talk to you about this situation or tell him that you can't be bothered to be played around by these childish attitudes and methods.

 

I've acted stupidly from not getting sex before, really childish, but my girlfriend at the time made me realise something and since that day I will never be so pathetic again in my life.

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It's only been 2 weeks...hardly enough time for you to say "Everytime this weekend ,I've said to myself ,I'll just cut ties with him ...I find I can't ,and can't help but remember the good times".

Listen, this guy wants sex and nothing else, and his whole behavior is pointing in that direction. The guy you're seeing now (cold, short and dry, no emojis) is the real him; the emojis and continuous texts and compliments were just an act meant to ignite the fire so he could get what he wanted in the shortest amount of time. That's why he kept pressuring you for sex. When you stated your boundaries (and good for you for doing so!), he didn't "change", he just dropped the act because he saw it wasn't working as well as he had expected it to. He is still keeping in contact with you because he knows you're hooked and knows that sooner rather than later you will give him sex out of fear of losing him - which is exactly what he's doing: putting on a new type of act, meant to scare you into thinking you're losing him and that the only way to hold on to him is to have sex with him.

I hope you see how manipulative he is being, and how little he thinks of you. You really need to stop putting yourself down and asking him if he felt insulted (really, YOU are the one who should feel insulted, not him!)

 

Be wise and cut ties, because he is not what you want him to be. You have only invested 2 weeks into this dud, hardly anything, so it really shouldn't be that difficult to let go. If you give in and give him what he wants (which is MUCH too prematurely anyway) you will most definitely regret it, because by the looks of it he is not the type of guy who will stick around, and guess who's going to feel used and discarded?

 

There are so many guys out there....drop this rotten fish and look for a good one.

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My advice is to run for the hills and don't look back. Its only been 2 weeks and you are unhappy anf he's pushing for sex. If you stay your going to get hurt big time. Have some value for yourself and block him from your life

 

Hey ,thank you so much your input ,it's really helped ,I should perhaps correct myself however.Its not 2 weeks ,it's actually coming up to a month and a bit

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Sorry but you are wasting your time if you want a dating/relationship situation. He's just looking for hook-ups. Tell him "it's not working out" and then block him and move forward.

Hey ,thanks so much for your input ,I do think what you suggest is best ,I'm only ashamed I had to have his colours pointed out to me !

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Sorry if I sound harsh, but do you not value yourself at all??? This guy is a major jerk, has zero respect for you, treated you like dirt just because you wouldn't sleep with him after 2 weeks..and you're still talking to him??????

 

No it's okay ,you go ahead and sound harsh (you really didn't by the way ! ) but I think your real talk is what I needed .I should prehaps correct myself and say it's not only been 2 weeks ,it's actually just coming up to a month and a bit ^^

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I mean uhhh this is mature. (Sarcasm).

 

Why not cut your losses and be a better person? That thing that runs down the back of your body is called a spine so let's use it, beautiful. Don't let this guy ruin your days. You already realise you suffer with anxiety and him pressuring for sex and then not talking and then talking again is doing you no favours at all.

 

Tell him to either talk to you about this situation or tell him that you can't be bothered to be played around by these childish attitudes and methods.

 

I've acted stupidly from not getting sex before, really childish, but my girlfriend at the time made me realise something and since that day I will never be so pathetic again in my life.

 

 

Hey ,thank you so much for your imput ,It's what I needed ^^ I do need to make a stand either way ,it's not right for someone to act that's way ,In only just now realising it (so ashamed ) .Im sorry you've experienced a similar thing ! But hey look on the bright side ,you've become the better person !!!

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It's only been 2 weeks...hardly enough time for you to say "Everytime this weekend ,I've said to myself ,I'll just cut ties with him ...I find I can't ,and can't help but remember the good times".

Listen, this guy wants sex and nothing else, and his whole behavior is pointing in that direction. The guy you're seeing now (cold, short and dry, no emojis) is the real him; the emojis and continuous texts and compliments were just an act meant to ignite the fire so he could get what he wanted in the shortest amount of time. That's why he kept pressuring you for sex. When you stated your boundaries (and good for you for doing so!), he didn't "change", he just dropped the act because he saw it wasn't working as well as he had expected it to. He is still keeping in contact with you because he knows you're hooked and knows that sooner rather than later you will give him sex out of fear of losing him - which is exactly what he's doing: putting on a new type of act, meant to scare you into thinking you're losing him and that the only way to hold on to him is to have sex with him.

I hope you see how manipulative he is being, and how little he thinks of you. You really need to stop putting yourself down and asking him if he felt insulted (really, YOU are the one who should feel insulted, not him!)

 

Be wise and cut ties, because he is not what you want him to be. You have only invested 2 weeks into this dud, hardly anything, so it really shouldn't be that difficult to let go. If you give in and give him what he wants (which is MUCH too prematurely anyway) you will most definitely regret it, because by the looks of it he is not the type of guy who will stick around, and guess who's going to feel used and discarded?

 

There are so many guys out there....drop this rotten fish and look for a good one.

 

Hey ,thank you for your imput !!! It really did make sense in all way of things ,he even told me while we're hanging out that day "that his friends were surprised he was still interested ,seeing as we'd not had sex "

So I guess Inshould of picked up on that clue 😁

I should perhaps correct myself however and say that it's not just two weeks ,coming up to a month and a bit ^^

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So ,this is my first time posting here ,but My mother always said it helps to write things down .So here it goes ! ^^

 

For almost a month and a bit now ,I've been dating this guy ,and everything was really really good .Until last Tuesday ,where he was pushing me slightly for sex ...constantly hinting for it ,taking about it .After our day out ,we went back to his ,where I said I couldn't have sex with him until A) I was a little more secure in the relationship and B) I was on some form of protection ,not wanting any mistakes to happen .After I told him this ,he went completely weird on me (don't get me wrong he said it was okay and accepted it ) but his actions displayed otherwise .Going to the other side of the room and falling asleep ,leaving me just say there .After waking up ,it really did feel like he was ignoring me ,he just totally focused on his phone ,hardly saying two words .Everytime I tried to go for some sort of intimacy ,he would back off and tell me to "watch the show " or "get ready to go home " .

By this point, I have to tell you I was freaking out ,so I started asking if I had offended him ...or whether he was okay .Trying my best to try and explain my position (I suffer with anxiety) and through these questions hed sit there roll his eyes ,say everything was fine or just simply tell me to "shut up " or calm the down " .When it was time for me to go ,I go no word of meeting again ,and literally zero percent of effection .I was convinced it was over ,hence a weekend of crying ,and trying to get on with life .It didn't help the fact that the next day he was online ,but not once bothered to message me .So I tried messaging him ,and the conversation was let's just put it this way "Very very dry ". Single word replies ,and one sentences no emojis ,kisses or anything .

 

Preparing myself to try and get over it ,it was the next day that he actually texted me .And so ,having a little bit of courage ,I told him his actions had upset me .In short I thought everything was sorted out after this .He said he still wanted to be with me and accepted that I wouldn't go all the way for a while .We started talking again ,but now the problem comes ...his way of talking to me has changed .Normally I don't mind a few less emojis ,or kisses ...we were never really big on that anyway .But his way of texting me now ,involves NONE .And it really feels like it's me putting in the effort ...his replies ,very short and dry .Upset ,I came offline ,only to receive a message from him last night saying "Hey " ...that's it .Which isn't really normal for him .The anxiety of him or this situation really isn't helping me in life ,and I'm crying like He's a damn oinion ,and yet Everytime this weekend ,I've said to myself ,I'll just cut ties with him ...I find I can't ,and can't help but remember the good times .Im known to get attached to easily 😖 I've responded this morning ,and I'm just waiting on his reply ,but my question is ,do I continue this way ,or do I just let go ...I need some sort of input really .My friends too involved in their own relationship to really be bothered 😏

Thanks ...and have a good day !😌

 

Just a corrected version ,sorry 😖👌🏻

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This guy is trying to manipulate you by "punishing you" for not having unprotected sex with you. Which should tell you he doesn't give a crap if a) you get pregnant, he'll just deny the baby is his and tell you it's your problem and b) if he gives you an STD, some of which are fatal again it will be your problem, not his.

 

Bottom line, he treated you so nicely at the beginning, because sex was his end goal all along. He does not give a sh** about you, your safety, your health.

 

And you need to recognize that anyone who throws a giant tantrum about not getting into your pants when you barely know them--and two months of dating, let alone two weeks is still barely knowing them--is really only wanting sex from you to begin with. That is their end goal.

 

I'm sorry, when they throw a tantrum on anything like a two-year-old being denied a cookie you need to cut them off and out of your life for good, not feel "bad" you made him get all manipulative and sulky and tantrumy on you.

 

Good guys, not "nice guys" but truly good decent guys would simply say, "Okay," and be cool with waiting and getting to know you better, because they actually want to date you, not what's between your legs.

 

Sorry for the crudeness, but you need to realize having boundaries and saying no are a good thing and you will have to deal with tantrums and guilt-mongering in order to avoid being slept with, used, tossed aside and then having to deal with the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy or an STD that can seriously hurt you or even end your life.

 

I'm sorry if I'm not soft-pedaling my answer, but you need to stop even trying to have a relationship with a guy who clearly, clearly is in it for one thing only. or he wouldn't have been pressuring you for unprotected sex from nearly the get-go.

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Hey ,thank you so much your input ,it's really helped ,I should perhaps correct myself however.Its not 2 weeks ,it's actually coming up to a month and a bit

 

A month is still not that long at all. And my advice is still the same. He will drag you down if you stay.

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This guy is trying to manipulate you by "punishing you" for not having unprotected sex with you. Which should tell you he doesn't give a crap if a) you get pregnant, he'll just deny the baby is his and tell you it's your problem and b) if he gives you an STD, some of which are fatal again it will be your problem, not his.

 

Bottom line, he treated you so nicely at the beginning, because sex was his end goal all along. He does not give a sh** about you, your safety, your health.

 

And you need to recognize that anyone who throws a giant tantrum about not getting into your pants when you barely know them--and two months of dating, let alone two weeks is still barely knowing them--is really only wanting sex from you to begin with. That is their end goal.

 

I'm sorry, when they throw a tantrum on anything like a two-year-old being denied a cookie you need to cut them off and out of your life for good, not feel "bad" you made him get all manipulative and sulky and tantrumy on you.

 

Good guys, not "nice guys" but truly good decent guys would simply say, "Okay," and be cool with waiting and getting to know you better, because they actually want to date you, not what's between your legs.

 

Sorry for the crudeness, but you need to realize having boundaries and saying no are a good thing and you will have to deal with tantrums and guilt-mongering in order to avoid being slept with, used, tossed aside and then having to deal with the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy or an STD that can seriously hurt you or even end your life.

 

I'm sorry if I'm not soft-pedaling my answer, but you need to stop even trying to have a relationship with a guy who clearly, clearly is in it for one thing only. or he wouldn't have been pressuring you for unprotected sex from nearly the get-go.

 

Ah, this is exactly what I was thinking! Also, this is what he wants. He wants you to feel bad so you'll give in. It's the same trick that toddlers use when their mother tells them no and they start crying so they can have their way.

 

As far as the STD thing-oh, my goodness! Some guys just don't get how dangerous and icky it is to have unprotected sex with someone they have only been seeing for five minutes. I can understand if you guys were serious and it had been awhile since you started dating, but ew. That alone shows that he doesn't respect you or himself. Just think how many times he's done that with other girls, and what ickiness he can pass on to you if you gave in? Or if you ended up pregnant by this knucklehead, somebody you were only with for a month before he pressured you into hooking up? Good for you for telling him no. You seem like a smart girl.

 

I say, the guy is a loser and let him play that game with somebody just as foolish as he is. Just be glad that his true colors came out early and before you had any true feelings for him.

 

P.S. As a side note...I learned in my early years of dating (I'm 36 now, and trust me, I've been "there") not to let a guy see the inside of my house and me not see his for AT LEAST 2 months, and I've stuck to that. I never tell them this, it's just a rule I gave myself to weed out the bad guys from the good and keep me out of some very uncomfortable situations. Even after two months, he still might not come over unless it's before a date. In my honest opinion, if you've gone out and he wants you to come over afterwards, and you've only been dating for such a short period of time, chances are that he's wanting to hook up. By you agreeing to come over, you're unintentionally sending the signal that you're game. So if that isn't quite what you want yet, politely decline and go home. If he truly likes you, he'll talk to you tomorrow.

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By the way, trust me, I've been in some bizarre situations from turning down sex before, mostly from when I was younger and a little more foolish...one guy drove me over, then kicked me out when I said no so that I had to walk ten miles home in the middle of the night. He didn't care how I got home, he just wanted me gone because I turned him down. Guys, and even some girls, get really crazy when it comes to being to rejected for sex. Sometimes even dangerous. This is partially where my rule came from.

 

Luckily for me, my friend happened to be driving by and took me home. I never saw or heard from that guy again, and that was perfectly okay with me.

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