Jump to content

My boyfriend is not talking to me BUT did not break up with me?


anna070

Recommended Posts

My BF and I had a fight on Friday evening because he knew I was upset and didn't want to talk about it BUt he made me tell him. I said that I am upset that we barely see each other during the week and I only spend weekends with him. He ha his own building business and has quite a few employees that work for him. He has been stressed for a very long time and all he talks about is work. Even when we are together he is in a different world. I always respect that and I give him space to do his own thing. But now that we have approached almost 2 years, I need some more time. Even if we are just sleeping together or relaxing, as long as I see him more than just on weekends and maybe one day a week. I was crying because I was saying that I always am on his schedule and all I ask of him is more time so we can progress our relationship. he hung up on me and texted me that he had a headace. Next day on Saturday when we usually hang, I was calling him and texting him and was getting worried and he finally texted me this:

 

"Just been stressed over work lately, u everything. Just not in the mood to talk right now". I did not reply to that. Few hours later he said ' Sorry baby just let me chill and I'll call you tomorrow". Well he never called me on Sunday and on Monday evening he texted me a cold message " Hi what are you doing". I also did not reply to that. Now it's Wednsday and there is no call or text from him. He has done this to me in the past and I can't allow him to do that anymore. He knows that this hurt me in the past! Should I text him and explain how I feel or wait until he calls me or sends me more of a meaningful text. I am afraid that he is just going to disappear on me or something

Link to comment

I called him 5 times and sent him 4 texts! And he sent me a text 4 hours later saying he just doesn't want to talk and let him chill. He did not call me the next day as promised! He texted me " what are you doing". Is that what your partners deserves after they hang up on you and tell you they dont want to talk? You are supposed to talk to them on their terms? How about a " sorry baby how are you, i hope you had a nice long weekend and I am sorry I havent seen you in over a week"

Link to comment

In the past he has pulled away form me and would send me short texts like this. Like " I miss you" and when I reply with something nice he would not talk to me for another week! Then a week later he would say " how are you" and again not reply to my texts. How can i reply to this a year later? I am afraid he will do that again! I fell like unless he calls me and asks to meet up, I can;t take his short texts as anything. he is just checking up if I am still there waiting for him

Link to comment

It sounds like he disappears whenever there is a disagreement and he doesn't want to deal with it..Go no contact until he gets his act together.

"Just been stressed over work lately, u everything. Just not in the mood to talk right now". He has done this to me in the past
Link to comment

He also has commitment issues. He has admitted to that. We have broken up 2 times in 3 years over that. The mistake I've made is I was always available when he would " check up" on me. He is used to getting what he wants on his terms. I don't think that after 2 days of not speaking to me, sating " what are you doing: is something I need to reply to. He needs to miss me and if he doesn't, I am better off

Link to comment

Clearly you two have different needs. You need more, he needs less. I might tell him to let you know when he's ready to talk in person and find some sort of compromise that meets both your needs and tell him in the meantime you'd rather not communicate electronically.

His next move may be very telling.

Link to comment

The thing is, you're playing the same game. Try dropping all the pretense and jockeying. Come right out and say what you are thinking -without measuring how long it took him to answer your last text. If he can't have an adult conversation about what is troubling you, get out of the relationship because it isn't ever getting better. If he can, and you want to be with him, then work on it. And it would do you both wonders to stop cold shouldering each other to gain some imaginary position of power by being the one who cares less. These things are manipulative and drain the love out of a relationship.

Link to comment
I called him 5 times and sent him 4 texts! And he sent me a text 4 hours later saying he just doesn't want to talk and let him chill. He did not call me the next day as promised! He texted me " what are you doing". Is that what your partners deserves after they hang up on you and tell you they dont want to talk? You are supposed to talk to them on their terms? How about a " sorry baby how are you, i hope you had a nice long weekend and I am sorry I havent seen you in over a week"

 

I very much doubt he's psychic and can read your mind, seriously.

Link to comment

It sounds as though he's not really committed to the relationship, and the way you (understandably) respond to it is driving him even further away. Being totally preoccupied with work can be a way for some people to avoid intimacy - a bit like any other addiction - and he butts out whenever you want to have a meaningful discussion about the relationship.

 

This is not someone who's in it for the long haul. You have choices; you can either continue as you are, which is to feel uncertain, frustrated and unhappy; OR you can continue to see him, but make sure your life is fuller and richer so you're less dependent on him - before deciding whether or not you want to live with the constraints of an unrewarding relationship; OR you can leave him and find someone who'll appreciate your company more than at the weekends, and has enough emotional space to be interested in YOU.

 

I know which I'd do!

 

As you say, he's done this in the past and he'll likely do it again in the future as long as you continue like this. Whatever you do, though, it's important to stop playing games and withdrawing from him until he's done what you consider to be the right thing; in this relationship and in any others you may have in the future.

Link to comment
He also has commitment issues. He has admitted to that. We have broken up 2 times in 3 years over that.

 

One of the things about commitment issues is that ending a relationship is also a commitment; people who are real commitment-phobes will often behave in ways which will provoke their partners to make the break - so they don't have to.

Link to comment
Other thread also on here regarding the "silent treatment". Same thing.

 

I see the two very very different. Just because someone writes "silent treatment", doesn't mean it is. The other guy clearly communicated what the issue is and that he needs time to process things.

 

This guy refused to communicate and hung up on her when she brought up an issue, then used the "I'm busy no time to talk" excuse to continue to refuse discussing the issue. Then send a "how are you" days later pretending like nothing happened. Basically refusing to recognise there is an issue. I'd say this guy is truly conflict avoidant.

 

And OP, I think it's time to walk away. He has commitment issues and communication issues and doesn't meet your needs. What's there to hang on to?

Link to comment

You both cannot communicate clearly and resolve issues, it's devolved into each of you trying to get one over on the other, it's time to walk.

 

This is clearly one of those times when "Love" just isn't enough. This reads like two kids on the playground fighting over a lunchbox. When it gets to the point your relationship is like that it is time to walk away.

 

P.S. You keep telling him you won't put up with it, but you stay so why do you think it's going to work? Talking hasn't done anything and you don't need his "permission" to break up. You could just do that on your own and be done and move on.

 

You cannot force someone to be what they aren't. Nor should you have to.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...