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Past Relationships


I Was Here

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My wife and I were talking about what it would be like if we weren't each others first relationship/sex partner.

 

When you are with someone who you feel is your soul-mate, or at least you are powerfully in love with them, how does your past affect you? Do you miss old flames? Do you fondly remember sex and good times? Or does it all become nothing to you now that you found the one, and slowly become somewhat forgotten over time? If you do hold on to a lot of it, does it diminish your current relationship in any way? What if an ex was better in bed? So many questions.

 

If you could just lay it out there for us we would really appreciate it. Thanks!

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My wife and I were talking about what it would be like if we weren't each others first relationship/sex partner.

 

When you are with someone who you feel is your soul-mate, or at least you are powerfully in love with them, how does your past affect you? Do you miss old flames? Do you fondly remember sex and good times? Or does it all become nothing to you now that you found the one, and slowly become somewhat forgotten over time? If you do hold on to a lot of it, does it diminish your current relationship in any way? What if an ex was better in bed? So many questions.

 

 

I think it's important to have experienced other relationships before you settle down with the "the one," but in regard to memories, etc., it's in no way impactful except to make me even more grateful for what I have now.

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You are acute, Wiseman lol.

 

I remember once a woman I knew who told me she was tormented by her husband asking her if "previous BFs" were better - or worse - in bed that he was. She was in tears as she told me this.

 

What is WRONG with people, I ask!!!

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I never ask someone about their past because frankly it's none of my business and as much as I love history and studying it in my leisure, I have no interest in prying into the archives of someone's life and I'd much rather live in the present day and focus on the future. If she wants to sit me down and tell me about her life, she is of course free to do so, but I will politely warn her that I shall ride off into the night like Turpin on horse back should she reveal anything about herself which I find untoward.

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I learned all this the hard way. I did not date much, if at all, in my teens. Dated my then wife in my early 20's, lost my virginity at 24, married within two years of dating....because my dumb butt thought....hey, I had sex with this woman so I have to marry her. Married for a decade, fell apart, I have custody of the kids. I look back on that and I remember when we first started dating how devastated I was (because of my naivety) when I asked about a previous relationship of hers, which turned into finding out about her previous sexual partners....of which I had none, she was my first. Boy was that stupid.

 

Started up a great relationship with a great woman last year....she's pregnant now, dumped me too....anyway, I never asked about her history, we talked some about the kids and my situation because she asked. But she'd bring up here and there things about some guy she dated that did this or an old boyfriend that did this....when we'd talk about certain things. It bothered me a little, but I never pursued that line of thought....because I remembered from before and frankly I just didn't care because I loved this woman and things were great.

 

I don't know why I just said all that....I think it pertains to the main subject of this thread....so....yeah, that.

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My wife and I were talking about what it would be like if we weren't each others first relationship/sex partner.

 

When you are with someone who you feel is your soul-mate, or at least you are powerfully in love with them, how does your past affect you? Do you miss old flames? Do you fondly remember sex and good times? Or does it all become nothing to you now that you found the one, and slowly become somewhat forgotten over time? If you do hold on to a lot of it, does it diminish your current relationship in any way? What if an ex was better in bed? So many questions.

 

If you could just lay it out there for us we would really appreciate it. Thanks!

 

Which one of you is wondering if they missed out on something?

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Well I don't forget the past as I don't have dementia...

 

But no I never miss "old flames" or think of them fondly. Things ended for good reasons. It's silly to think past relationship experience diminishes from the current relationship. If current relationship is right, it's right. If it's not it's not. Each relationship is stand-alone.

 

If anything, I feel grateful and lucky to have found the right guy for me, after all the wrong ones.

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OP - your wife is your first love, yes? And she yours? So there isn't any ruminating for either of you, I assume...

 

If you're feeling like you missed out on experiences, it's probably because your sex life is waning. Take a (sexier) trip. I don't know your location, but I know Mexico has adults-only resorts, and Spain I'm sure has some more adventurous places. Try new things!

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I remember certain fun memories more than sex or anything like that. That part seems like a blur to me now. There will always be things that remind you of a certain memory with an ex which isn't necessarily a bad thing. You dated them for a reason, there is going to be good memories along with bad ones. As for the sex part, it kind of diminishes over time. I barely even remember what it was like because I am so focuses on my current relationship.

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