Worst Feeling about this breakup

I thought I would share how I have been feeling lately. I have no one I trust with my feelings and my ex was the only one that knew the real me. I trusted her with everything but now she is not here. Maybe someone could relate or just give me their thoughts.

Almost 4 months into the breakup and I think I am in a better place now.

I grew up very different than a normal kid should. My dad technically never acknowledge me as his son and until this day he never calls.

My mom gave me up to my grandma when I was 2 because she found a guy and chose him over me. I grew up with my grandma she was great in so many ways and made me who I am now. I am 24, very independent and I work my 9-5's, I have a car note, I pay my bills, have an apt with my roommate.

I have been feeling down lately. Of course that whole breakup has been a reason for this. I have been trying to get close to my mother and my brothers. I have recently helped her with money and gave my brothers shoes and a laptop. They kept calling me when they needed all of this and after, I don't even hear from them. One of my brothers did not even thank me. It really hurted me because I was trying to get close to my mom and yet she only calls when she needs me. It really got to me because I was willing to go the extra mile for her this time.

All of my friends have recently graduated college and I am happy for them. I never hate on anyone. But it really made me feel like Shiet.. I stopped going to school about a year ago. I have about 15 credits left to have my associates in electrical engineering. However, the hours are impossible for me to fulfill those credits. I don't have anyone to help me out and I need to work no matter what.

I feel like I am mentally having a breakdown. idk what to do anymore. I thought my mom was going to be able to at least be there as a support but shes only there when she needs money.

The only person that cared for me was my ex. She knew everything and my struggles and was the only one I could ever talk to about this. I think this has hit me more because I entrusted her with everything. Her family became my family. Every holiday, every weekend and birthdays was with her and her family.

i am not close to my family and I haven't spent a holiday alone in 6 years. I'm in a place right now that I just feel a bit lost and at least I can write here for someone to read it. Holding all of this in hurts me more.

A lot of people do this after a break up only to find that the reasons they were estranged from family still exist. A new relationship is often our new "family" and when that ends it's sad. Try to find friends who you can count on and when you're ready, you may want to browse some dating apps to open your eyes to the possibilities.

I have been trying to get close to my mother and my brothers.They kept calling me when they needed all of this and after, I don't even hear from them.

Hey man.

Really sorry to hear about a lot of this! I'm at a similar position (of sorts) with family, actually. Not similar in terms of situation, but in terms of feeling.

I dislike my mother and I opted to continue with my life on my own and with my grandmother and sister as opposed to being anything to do with my mother.

You can choose your friends but not your family, sadly. But don't let that hold you back. Sometimes there isn't much you can do with your family when you feel the ties that bind have already been cut. At least that's how I feel. I never knew my father, until he was dying and I had to watch that, my mother was never there for me as a child and the only person I had was my grandmother, ever. But I rely on what I know at least and I never contact my mother unless it's a holiday or I need something (that is harsh, but the way I was treated has pushed me away from her for life). And maybe it's good for you to do the same. Don't hold grudges, it isn't healthy as we all know but god damn, when people like us are pretty messed up by family life it's difficult to even want to be a part of them. It's like I'm in a constant cycle of NC with my own mother and that's the way I enjoy it. She doesn't know me, she doesn't understand me and neither did anyone else... Apart from my ex - similar to you.

Now what I would suggest is look for something that you can do in your area. Gym, go to sewing classes, pick up kung fu.. Idk what your style is man but there has to be something that takes your fancy. Gaming is my crutch. It helps me through loads, I meet new people, I talk to them and it just makes my life a breeze when I am in bad times. I still go to the gym, but due to lack of motivation it's taking me a while to get back to my old bodybuilding standard of lifting.

Now lets look at your study issues here and other things. You are working, you are earning cash, you are doing a lot of good for yourself by actually doing this. Go hang out with your buddies that finished their degrees, it will make you feel better I think. It will give you that feeling of nostalgia potentially, but maybe that is also a recipe for disaster I don't know. But even when you do meet up with them, don't let yourself be victimised. Just understand you are working and earning cash and they finished their degrees... People take different routes of life all the time.

Have you thought about counselling?

Hey man.

 

Really sorry to hear about a lot of this! I'm at a similar position (of sorts) with family, actually. Not similar in terms of situation, but in terms of feeling.

 

I dislike my mother and I opted to continue with my life on my own and with my grandmother and sister as opposed to being anything to do with my mother.

 

You can choose your friends but not your family, sadly. But don't let that hold you back. Sometimes there isn't much you can do with your family when you feel the ties that bind have already been cut. At least that's how I feel. I never knew my father, until he was dying and I had to watch that, my mother was never there for me as a child and the only person I had was my grandmother, ever. But I rely on what I know at least and I never contact my mother unless it's a holiday or I need something (that is harsh, but the way I was treated has pushed me away from her for life). And maybe it's good for you to do the same. Don't hold grudges, it isn't healthy as we all know but god damn, when people like us are pretty messed up by family life it's difficult to even want to be a part of them. It's like I'm in a constant cycle of NC with my own mother and that's the way I enjoy it. She doesn't know me, she doesn't understand me and neither did anyone else... Apart from my ex - similar to you.

 

Now what I would suggest is look for something that you can do in your area. Gym, go to sewing classes, pick up kung fu.. Idk what your style is man but there has to be something that takes your fancy. Gaming is my crutch. It helps me through loads, I meet new people, I talk to them and it just makes my life a breeze when I am in bad times. I still go to the gym, but due to lack of motivation it's taking me a while to get back to my old bodybuilding standard of lifting.

 

Now lets look at your study issues here and other things. You are working, you are earning cash, you are doing a lot of good for yourself by actually doing this. Go hang out with your buddies that finished their degrees, it will make you feel better I think. It will give you that feeling of nostalgia potentially, but maybe that is also a recipe for disaster I don't know. But even when you do meet up with them, don't let yourself be victimised. Just understand you are working and earning cash and they finished their degrees... People take different routes of life all the time.

 

Have you thought about counselling?

Yes, all of this feelings suck and I don't think about them oftem but there are days where it just hits me. Days like this where I actually want to talk to someone and that person that I always talked to is no longer there. Makes this feeling worse.I actually do not hate my parents. I don't even hold a grudge, I am happy my grandma took care of me.. She is amazing.

I do go to the gym and I stopped for a bit after the breakup but i am back at it. My friends, well how can I put it they are my close friends and i go out alot thanks to them. However, I would never trust them with anything personal, they are not those type of friends.

Counseling is something I think that everyone needs. It is healthy to talk to someone professional. It makes me feel alot better when I am here writing and just ranting. It is very therapeutic.