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Need Advice From a Different Perspective


Gig

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Its a long story but I'll try to sum it up, I'm 25 year old guy in a relationship which i don't know where its going or whats the right thing to do with it.

The thing is I'm not sure what i feel for my girlfriend, Sometimes I hate her the most in world, and sometimes i think i love her.

We usually have little arguments which escalate into huge fights that last days even weeks till i get her a peace offering even on fights where its clearly her fault but yeah i know the "she is always right" rule and i follow it to the fact that she hasn't said sorry or doesn't know how to apologize for even the slightest or arguments

"As any guy knows, sex is a necessary part of life. In fact, a recent study on men reported that sexual satisfaction was ranked the number one quality of a happy man."

if that is true then i should be super depressed given that we are living together and we haven't even cuddled in the past 3-4 months and im a guy with a very high libido. I find her attractive and even try to make advances but she just doesn't seem to want to do anything, she's been like that for the 8 years we've been together(since highschool). I just don't know if she still finds me attractive or what.

I don't know if want to break up with her, and frankly even if i did, i can't. We are living together since she doesn't exactly get along with her family(uncle&aunt, her parents are divorced, both with new families), so if we broke up im not sure where she would go or what she would do and what might happen to her.

Its very hard for me to know if there was something i did or didn't do since when she gets angry she gets quiet and doesn't talk to me, which makes communicating difficult and exhausting. I can't really ask my friends for advice since most of them are also her close friends, which don't think highly of me compared to her, they are more her friends than mine.

 

 

 

any advice would be appreciated, feel free to tell me im wrong, and what it is i should do or shouldn't do. Just so confused atm.

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It really doesn't sound as if there's anything in this relationship for you. This woman withholds sex and affection, won't communicate with you, and can never admit when she was wrong or apologize. That she can't get along seemingly with any member of her family should tell you something about her. She can't get along with you either, so she's obviously just a high-conflict woman.

 

It's really tough to break up with a woman who lives with you and is somewhat dependent on you. I've been there. You can't just leave because it's your home, and you don't just want to throw her out on the street. What I had to do was essentially just tell my ex "Look, we are over. I'm not just going to throw you out but I expect you to start making other arrangements." Give her a timetable that you expect her out by. It may sound cold, but you have a right to live your life and move on, and her not having anywhere else to go really isn't your problem.

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It's difficult to see what you're getting out of this arrangement, other than a whole pile of grief and angst. The only thing you're doing wrong is actually trying to maintain this relationship - sometimes we just need to know when to fold.

 

If you were to break up with her, she would manage somehow. It's not your fault she's completely incapable of getting on with her relatives; if it's your place then, as Krankor says, give her a timetable to start making other arrangements.

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The biggest lesson I learned from ending my previous relationship was that every person is in the end responsible for themself. You shouldn't feel guilty about breaking up with her, just because she would then have to take care of herself. In the end, no matter how hard it will be for her at first, she will land on her two feet. And even if she doens't, that's still not your responsability. I was terrified to leave my previous boyfriend because he needed me for everything. I felt like it would be my fault if his life went to hell because I didn't take care of him. Fast forward 5 years and he's 27.000€ in debt and getting evicted from his apartment, but that's still not my problem. They are adults and should be fully capable of looking after themselves. They just don't do it because they are lazy or irresponsible or whatever.

 

Like it has been said: give her time to make arrangements, but not too much time because you don't want to drag this out.

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Does she work? Sit down and be honest that it's not working out and help her look for a place and move out. You're not a boarding house for screaming ice cold women.

we are living together and we haven't even cuddled in the past 3-4 months. if we broke up im not sure where she would go or what she would do and what might happen to her.
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Thanks for all your advice everyone, really thank you i just don't know, i feel like i was waiting for someone to tell me that what i'm doing is the right thing, cause if i do the other it seems selfish considering how my decision would affect her, which doesn't sit right with me.

 

I felt like it would be my fault if his life went to hell because I didn't take care of him. Fast forward 5 years and he's 27.000€ in debt and getting evicted from his apartment, but that's still not my problem.

 

THIS, i really don't want this to happen. Im not sure what i feel, but i know that i care and it would hurt me latter on if something like this happened, and knowing that i could have prevented it. We've been together for years, and almost everyone in our province knows that we've been together for so long, my conscience would kill me, and it doesn't help that everyone we know might be thinking the same thing "its his fault" "he left her". I don't know if this is me being selfish in my own way, i don't know. I guess im a shallow guy, indecisive as well, i care what people think but don't know what the right thing is.

 

still a little confused, but thanks so much for the input everyone

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