Loneliness amongst other things..

Hello.

Just a brief post here a slight vent, I suppose.

I'm feeling really alone lately and I know I can't really be trying with any other women because they aren't my ex, but I'm on dating websites and talking to numerous women on Facebook etc.

I don't know if this is the right way to go about a breakup that is a month old. I'm not coping too well with it, I guess I don't miss her so much now but it's just the loneliness. I also have some regret and guilt from the relationship that I'm not coping with so well.

When is the best time to start talking to other women? Or see them? etc... I just don't know if I'm ready or not. x

After reading a lot from other people, and also reading quotes etc it is said to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. A month isnt enough time to heal usually and I think the wound is quite fresh so you should focus on your own goals and re align what you want to achieve and chase your dreams while you're young. Plenty of fish in the sea and there is no rush. Take this time to heal and focus on yourself, when the time is right then the other things will fall into place. I am going through the same thing and as hard as it seems it might not look like it is possible but it is, and you will get better just takes time. Focus on your self and chase your ambitions!

I would wait at least for six months or longer! Only because your fresh out of a relationship and you need to focus on getting back to who you are. If you meet someone before then that's good too, just don't compare anyone to your ex when you do start dating.

Lisa

I recall those times and as hard as it is you need to just try to let those lonely moments pass.

The loneliness should become a motivator to get busy and develop other areas of your life. Not just chatting with random women.

It feels like a huge void and if you start getting out, making friends and doing things for yourself you will find that void slowly fills up.

What you are feeling is natural.

Just be patient.

I just don't know if I'm ready or not. x

I think you do know.

One month? Come on. Spend some time by yourself, and reflect, and learn about how you can improve as a person, which in turn will make future relationships more fulfilling.

I tried dating six months post-break up and it was too soon, and only after about 12 months did I feel almost fully ready to think about a new relationship.

Honestly, what is the rush??

JTP.

Loneliness is the absolutely worst advisor you could have.

Find other stuff to fill your life, enjoy yourself.

I think "casual dating" (whatever that is...lol) is ok, just to stay in the game, keep busy and not backslide. As long as you're up front that you're just out of a relationship, not looking for serious right now, you'll be good. You don't have to live like a monk for half a year to heal. Just don't jump from the frying pan into the fire and get in a relationship

When is the best time to start talking to other women? Or see them? etc... I just don't know if I'm ready or not. x

Experience has taught me not even to try to have a new relationship within a year of a significant one breaking up. Sometimes it's even longer. Fulfilling relationships come from a full heart, not an empty one.

And during that time... that's the time to get into stuff you didn't have time for when you were involved, it's for getting involved in community projects, volunteering, meeting all sorts of new people (without thinking of them as potential partners), sports - whatever you like. It's a time to grow as a person, and learn to be happy and grounded within yourself. Then not only will it matter less whether you're in a relationship or not, but you can be more selective about new partners.

Sure, the feelings of loneliness will be around for a while... you still need to grieve, and that's all part of the process, too. But let yourself know they'll pass.

Fully agree.

Fulfilling relationships come from a full heart, not an empty one.

"

Hey everyone, I really appreciate this. Thanks.

It helps in the nights

I'm constantly battling with a lot of things in my mind that's the main issue.

I kind of wanted the break up too, but I still loved her and we went through so so much together it just felt... Premature to me and a little destressing. I'm not that upset. I've been through a break up before (with the same girl and couldn't get over her) and I was like crying 24/7 but this time... Kinda' empty. I don't know where my feelings lie. It's so strange. I've never felt like this.

Maybe deep down I don't really care about it that much, and I genuinely am quite glad to some degree - but I just don't like the rumours that she is apparently moving on already (which is gonna be impossible so soon IMO) and the fact I just do not move that fast. I really struggle to be with someone unless I'm superbly emotionally attached and I fear I will never reach that again.

I really struggle to be with someone unless I'm superbly emotionally attached and I fear I will never reach that again.

You will. Just give it time. (((HUGS)))

You will. Just give it time. (((HUGS)))

Thanks a lot

It just takes me so long to get over her.. Known her what, like 15 years? Just so hard to put it away like that.

hey ho.. Something good will come along

Thanks a lot

 

It just takes me so long to get over her.. Known her what, like 15 years? Just so hard to put it away like that.

Ouch! Won't be easy, but you'll get there in the end.

Moving on quickly will blow up in one's face...unless they have no soul or started the process before being broken up.

It took me three years to move on from a decade long relationship! Still I find it hard at times especially the memories. It does get better I promise! Now I'm ready to meet someone in July and open up my heart again fully.

You can get those feelings back for someone and those feelings will be stronger then before in your past relationship.

Lisa

Well what's your goals? The emptiness you're feeling doesn't exactly mean you're not just as upset as before, but u may just be in emotional shock, just numb to it all. Do you feel like you're ready to move on? Hopes of reconciliation? Sounds like youre over it though. I just broke up with my gf of 3 years, been friends for 6. I'm in the same boat so don't feel alone, I lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering, which isn't healthy. Not an emotional person but I cried the day after, sobbed like a baby "what am I gonna do without her???". I'm starting a new job, hit a old friend up (male), and am probably gonna make a trip to go hang out with him, we go way back. Friends, family, keep your time occupied, and your mind.

I agree, how do you just move on? How do I even talk to another female without seeing her face? And if thats how you're feeling also, then easy, dont. You're not ready and that's ok. I'm not either bro. If talking to them makes it easier do it, but I couldn't "hang out" with any right now, it would just make me more depressed.

Can you private message up here? I'm new, but if so hit me up if u wanna talk more.

It took me three years to move on from a decade long relationship! Still I find it hard at times especially the memories. It does get better I promise! Now I'm ready to meet someone in July and open up my heart again fully.

 

You can get those feelings back for someone and those feelings will be stronger then before in your past relationship.

 

Lisa

I can imagine. I'm struggling mostly with my libido more than anything else. Emotionally - I'm fine yano? Like rarely upset about it, I never cry, never whimper... I may be numb but hell, I still have a good laugh with my friends, alone and rarely even get that upset at all. I just think about a few things; I miss the sex being one, missing going home to her after nights out and whether or not she is with someone else, thinking about me etc.

I've come to the point now where I think that she really doesn't care for me what so ever so it makes me feel a lot better. I was going through a rough patch where I was unmotivated and on the verge of failing university, having some anxiety and depression issues - and she left me. How can someone do that to somebody else, when only 2 weeks earlier it was always "I love you so much, it's unbelievable."...

I really don't want to be a misogynist but it's so hard lately. I love people. I sit a social science at university but damn I'm so horrible lately.

Sorry. I blew up a little haha

How can someone do that to somebody else, when only 2 weeks earlier it was always "I love you so much, it's unbelievable."...

Oh I have that question on my mind too all the time. But what I do is just remember what he says to me when we broke up and believe it. He says he doesn't love me anymore and it might not be important for some of the questions to be answered anymore. I guess it really happens. I don't need to wallow in the sadness anymore. Whether it's true or not, he still left me while I was giving him the world. No hard feelings tho. What we had was really good until it lasted.