Ladies Night, should I be jealous?

My girlfriend of ten years or so decided she was going on a ladies night with whoever and I found out because I snooped on her phone. Got jealous / insecure and confronted her about it, then felt bad because I snooped and because I shouldn't feel insecure but I did. Anyway I tried to play cool but was still pissed off! Spoke to my mum about it and she said I was being silly! I just hate the thought of her desiring someone else!! I know some dirty suff can go on with some of those ladies nights too which pisses me off more. Found some pics on her phone which were pretty tame but stil f'd off she took any! Yip I been to strip clubs on bachelor parties and maybe a couple other occasions but pissed she can do it! Little insecure but not????

You should've agreed on what's an acceptable boundary in the relationship, that is, including if you are ok with EACH OTHER going to strip clubs, getting close contact with stripers, or whatever else. If you're not ok with her doing something, you shouldn't do it either. If you do it yourself, you have no right to talk or feel jealous or pissed off. It's just hypocritical if you don't want her to go but ok with going there yourself.

yeah yure probably right, I think for guys its harmless fun because I know I'm just looking but I see some pics on sites and they aint just looking

would you feel jealous or insecure?

you sound really insecure..if she isnt going out like crazy and there isnt anything sketchy going on, then whats the issue?

and also, stop snooping.

yeah yure probably right, I think for guys its harmless fun because I know I'm just looking but I see some pics on sites and they aint just looking

There's no such things as "for guys" it's this and "for women" it's that. It's an individual thing. Again, sounds hypocritical to say it's ok for me to do it because I know it's harmless fun, but not ok for you because I don't know if it's harmless fun for you, so I'm gonna be suspicious. So how does she know it's harmless fun for you? Only you know what you know, she doesn't. Is it ok for her to tell you to never go to a strip club then, because she's jealous?

Going to strip clubs in a relationship is either acceptable to you or it's not, that applies to both people in the relationship.

What pics on what sites are you talking about?

would you feel jealous or insecure?

If it's once in a while for some kind of occasion like a bachelors party or bachelorette party, I'm fine with it. Not ok if it's a regular thing. And not ok with physical contact. This would be a boundary I'll agree on with my partner, nothing to do with insecurity or jealousy.

good call, little jealous and yeh insecure. she's trustworthy just hate that she can look too I guess

Yip I been to strip clubs on bachelor parties and maybe a couple other occasions but pissed she can do it!

This is a double standard and it's really not fair to her. If you can go on the off occasion and handle yourself, then so can she.

she didn't go to no strip club just a ladies night show and yip I been to strip club with the boys 3/5 on bachelor parties and the other 2 no excuse just got talked into it! Yeah it's hypocritical but still annoyed which is just pathetic I guess.... Glad I posted just to confirm I'm being stupid. Your comments actually help Checked the show site she went to andn it's kind of hands on for some I guess but there's that rule, look but can't touch : australiaheat.com

Ok it's just a show? Even less reason to react this way.

fair comment, but she get's way more nuts if I go!

fair comment, but she get's way more nuts if I go!

What do you mean?

true thanks

sorry was replying to someone elses comment

good call! but she goes nato when I do! She calms down tho after a week or so lol

So....neither of you is ok with the other going to strip clubs or seeing strip shows. Yet you both disregard what the other person wants and do it anyway. Sounds like a healthy relationship (sarcasm).

I'm willing to bet she's only going to these things to give you a taste of your own medicine - "you can do it and ignore my feelings? I can do it too! See how you feel about that!"

Why didn't you stop going when she said she's not ok with it? Sounds like her feelings doesn't matter to you much. Then don't expect her to consider your feelings either.

should I be pissed about the pics

You shouldn't snoop. And by the sounds of it you shouldn't even be in a relationship until you mature and become a bit more confident.

You have no right to tell anyone what to do, just like nobody has the right to tell you what to do. Ladies nights are absolutely fine, we all need some alone time or time with friends, apart from the person we are dating. It's healthy. What is not healthy is what you're doing, the way you are talking and approaching the situation.

Suck it up or do her a favor and dump her. What gets me is you've done the same thing and I'm sure would do it all over again, yet her doing it is throwing you into a tiff.

Yip I been to strip clubs on bachelor parties and maybe a couple other occasions but pissed she can do it!

 

I think for guys its harmless fun because I know I'm just looking but I see some pics on sites and they aint just looking

 

she's trustworthy just hate that she can look too I guess

 

A little insecure?? I would say a big bit insecure. Not only that, you sound ridiculously immature. I'm sorry to say that but it isn't just the whole ladies night thing, it is also the other things you have said too. They don't make any logical sense.

 

good call! but she goes nato when I do! She calms down tho after a week or so lol

 

OK, so this just sounds like an emotionally immature relationship all round.

 

should I be pissed about the pics

 

No, you both need to stop with the stroppy teenage act and have a mature conversation. Create some boundaries that you are both happy to abide by.

I'm sorry to say, but you need to get a grip.

I been to strip clubs on bachelor parties and maybe a couple other occasions but pissed she can do it!

This is really confusing to read and understand. In my experience, a ladies night is just a night out with my girlfriends - not anything 'dirty' and definitely having NOTHING to do with desiring someone else...?? You think she desires one of her girl friends? Why is it automatically assumed she is going to a strip club? (I'm guessing you saw that in the texts somewhere).

1. Stop snooping. It's never okay to invade her privacy. If you're so insecure that you have to violate her private phone like that, then you have no business being in this relationship at all. Either she gives you reasons not to trust her or you have too many issues with trust to be able to. Either way, it's not good.

2. Stop assuming the worst and letting your imagination get the better of you. How do you get to 'I hate the thought of her desiring someone else'? Does she desire someone else? Has she cheated before? We as readers have no context to understand why you have that insecurity.

3. If she is going to strip clubs with her ladies friends,not telling you about it , and you're not comfortable with it, then you need to have an honest discussion with her. You need to find out why she didn't tell you, and you need to be honest that you're not cool with her going,and then you guys need to go from there.

she didn't go to no strip club just a ladies night show and yip I been to strip club with the boys 3/5 on bachelor parties and the other 2 no excuse just got talked into it! Yeah it's hypocritical but still annoyed which is just pathetic I guess.... Glad I posted just to confirm I'm being stupid. Your comments actually help Checked the show site she went to andn it's kind of hands on for some I guess but there's that rule, look but can't touch : australiaheat.com

You need to work on your hypocrisy, jealousy, and insecurity. And stop invading her privacy. Keep this up and you could lose her.

should I be pissed about the pics

You should be ashamed that you snooped.