An open letter to God and the universe from a deeply broken hearted girl....

It feels like I was placed on this Earth to be happy, to be successful, to love and be loved, to make a difference. I have everything in my arsenal to do all that, but it somehow seems like things always work against me. God wants all these wonderful things for me while the universe does not. I had past failed relationships. Some where I was cheated on and treated badly, others where I hurt my partner. I tried to take a step back and heal from all that pain and learn to love myself again before entering another relationship. When I found this man, I knew I couldn't let my past mistakes happen again. I knew I had to let go of my ego, I knew I had to become vulnerable to him. I was deeply devoted to him. He could do no wrong in my eyes. I did everything in my power to prove my love and loyalty to him. He questioned it all of a sudden and ended it because of a simple misunderstanding. I apologized, I tried to give him space, I tried to see things from his side, but to no avail. I am completely devasted. I'm up at 2am writing this because I just cannot sleep. I always felt that this man would be my husband, the father of my children. I felt drawn to him, he made me a better person. It's like even when I do my best to make things right I still somehow end up messing up. I have no idea how to continue with my life without him. I question why God would even put him in my path if ultimately outside words and events would keep us apart. I have no idea where to go from here.

I genuinely feel the same. My ex got back in touch with me, made me think we could make a go of it, then just told me he's going on a date this weekend. He kept coming back into my life, I'd get over him, then he'd be put back into my life again. What's Gods plan? Is he just trying to show me what I could of had, take him out my life, let me get stronger, then throw him back into me again. Until I'm literally on my knees, not knowing where to go, who to turn too?

It's 5am here, I'm at work in 2 hours. I haven't slept tonight or eaten since yesterday afternoon.

If I can help you, I will do.

I wish I could answer your questions and give you strength to go on. I wish I could do that for myself too. Please try to eat something. I feel the same way, but like my mom said, you have to get something in your tummy, even if you have a ball in your throat or even if you just eat an apple. Just know I share your pain, you are not alone. We will get through this someway or another, just now things look so bleak.

I'll try later, I just feel so unbelievably sick about it all. I've lost 20 pounds in the last month, but I can't make myself eat.

We will get through this and hopefully come out stronger on the other side.

Two things Maravilla.

No one is worth the agony you are going through, no one.

Secondly, life is unfair. There is not a single person who doesn't get a thump now and then, in one form or another.

I can add that it is best not to have pre-conceived ideas and above all not to try too hard. Besides none of us is all-knowing, all-seeing.

I cannot really tell you how to feel about God and the Universe, because everyone has their different beliefs and faith. I don't think it is useful to you to say that God wants one thing and the Universe wants you to fail, because to me those two entities are not separate, but one, and the more you lean on higher powers for strength rather than as opposing forces to your life, the healthier and more fulfilled I believe you'll feel. This is how I feel anyway.

No GOOD force in life is going to intentionally hurt you or want you to be miserable - this is my belief. I know that there are many, many contradicting opinions and views out there, but whenever you feel like some force is attempting to MAKE YOU unhappy, try to remind yourself that this is not the point of these higher powers. Perhaps you are being challenged to grow, to strengthen and go BEYOND where you are now, but hard times are not the Universe's way of saying 'screw you, you're supposed to be unhappy right now.' It is always what you make of these times that gets you through.

Remember that everyone - literally, absolutely EVERYONE - has been through the kinds of struggles you are describing. You cannot agonize about your past and think that means a, b or c about your future or your life. You are learning the hard lessons and you will eventually find something and someone that is a fit for you and won't lead to this level of pain. But find something that you can lean on in faith, and avoid becoming fatalistic about the Universe on the whole, or God, or else you are bound to only feel much much worse.

When I found this man, I knew I couldn't let my past mistakes happen again. I knew I had to let go of my ego, I knew I had to become vulnerable to him. I was deeply devoted to him. He could do no wrong in my eyes. I did everything in my power to prove my love and loyalty to him. He questioned it all of a sudden and ended it because of a simple misunderstanding.

It's really tough for any relationship to survive when one partner has the other on a pedestal. That's more like co-dependence than love.

I'm reminded of a story. A mother's watching her young son at the beach. She sees him about to touch a jellyfish. (not fatal just painful kind). She runs up and leads him away and tells him not to touch the jellyfish because it'll hurt him. 10 minutes later the kid is back over by the jellyfish. She yells, get away from that and leads the kid away from the jellyfish. 10 minutes later the kid's back by the jellyfish. She gets her first aid kit out and waits for the inevitable.

You see, sometimes God has to let you do what you're going to do anyway. He doesn't say "Boy, I'd love it if MarahVilla suffered some today" anymore than that mother wants her son to get stung. But people have to learn the hard way. That's because of our own stubbornness, not God's derision.

It would be best if you stopped putting him on a pedestal. He was not divine being . In fact he hurt you, dumped you...so how divine is that?

I have no idea how to continue with my life without him.

How long ago did the breakup happen? I'm not sure how many people do it, but I think it's common to go through a phase where he/she is on a pedestal until logic starts taking over again and their flaws in the relationship begin to show through.

When good things happen to us, we tend to not appreciate it. When bad things happen to us we tend to blame (insert God, the universe, etc.)

I think that's the normal and fundamental short-sidedness of being human.

In this world, many of us have so so many blessings that we take for granted. In times of pain, it's most important to do our best to try to step back and be grateful for what we have (jobs, a home to live in, maybe a car, friends, family) and to reach out into the world to find ways to help others (e.g. through volunteering).

Good things are in store for you. Life is tough for all of us. Good and bad happens to all of us. You will get through this.