Sexually obsessed!!

Hi,

Me and my wife have been together for over 9 years (married for 5) and we have a 2 year old son.

Obviously having a kid our sex life declined as is expected during the first year of having a child and now we prob have sex 2-4 times a month. Recently say over the last few months or so I have been constantly thinking about her sexually to the point of obsessing over her. As soon as I think of her I instantly picture her naked and us having sex, I'm aroused constantly throughout the day because of this and need to "get off" at least twice a day to alleviate it for a little while. I've also been watching more porn at night and picture the people having sex as me and her doing it.

I've told my wife but not exactly the extent of how bad it is and I get the feeling she thinks I'm making it up to guilt her into giving me more sex. The fact is lately I've been asking for it less cause the rejection when she says no hurts more then it used to and it's easier to just get myself off fantasising about us having sex then it is to ask for it.

Has anyone else been in this situation before and if so how did you resolve it cause it's starting to become a bit to much to handle now, not exactly how healthy an obsession like this is as well.

I love when people say this "our sex life declined as is expected during the first year of having a child". I don't understand. This did not happen to me at all, actually the opposite happened. We had sex MORE. We had 4 kids hehe.

You need to have a SERIOUS conversation with your wife. This is a HUGE deal and one of the biggest if not THE BIGGEST issue in a relationship. She needs to know and realize what's on the line here (and there is A LOT).

For a man, sex is the ultimate expression of love. Which means, her rejection is making you feel unloved. Tell her EXACTLY how you feel and tell her it is extremely important to you. Also, ask her if there is anything troubling her or wrong in your relationship. Clearly something has changed. Child is NOT an excuse, sorry.

Personally, I would never EVER be in a relationship without intimacy. I would pay close attention to this (her actions) after this conversation and take note. If it doesn't change I would give her a final warning about 2 weeks/1 month after. If she persists, consult a lawyer and end it.

Trust me, this will NOT work long term. Think 5....10......20-30 years.

And do not remain "because of child". Although having 2 parents together is "better", as long as BOTH parents remain active and involved in childs life, your kid will be just fine. If you remain with this person, by default your child will pick up and learn "what a relationship is". They will sense all of the negative things and will apply them to their own relationship. And in time, lack if intimacy will cause some severe "right in childs face" issues.

Also, often this type of situation leads to cheating. Which I would not recommend. Always settle your old relationship/end it and take time to heal/recover before getting involved or complicating the situation further.

Whatever you do, DO NOT ignore this issue.

I would also pick up 5 languages of love and read it/study it yourself AND hand it to your wife. She needs it.....but you read it first (chances are you can benefit from it, and need it as well).

You know, I really wish men could go through pregnancy, childbirth and then taking care of the kid. I'm sure there would be much less selfishness and much more understanding going around.

No, life does not revolve around sex. Especially with a toddler around, I can only imagine how stressful your wife's life must be right now.

Dof, not all women are the same. Not all women have the same childbirth experience, some women don't recover as quickly as others and for those women, sex hurts for a long time, if not forever. Some women experience PPD, which greatly affects their whole life, including the sexual desires. Hormones are out of whack. I don't know what OP wife's situation is, but to generalize and say that having a child shouldn't impact a couple's sex life at all and that he should end his marriage over not having enough sex is just irresponsible. Really? Bail on a woman and their child because he isn't having as much sex as he would like to? Hello, welcome to life! There is more to life than just sex! Frankly, while I usually agree with *some* of the things you say, I am shocked at some other things that come out of your keyboard!

OP, try communicating more with your wife, in a non-confrontational way (this is very important!). Do not demand more sex, because that's never going to give you what you want.

Suggest leaving the child with a babysitter maybe once a week, and schedule date nights - without the pressure of them ending in sex. Romance her. Make her feel desirable (not saying that you're not doing that already, just amp it up). Make her *want* to be intimate with you, and not just out of duty. And give her more time, your son is still very young and can be quite the handful; once he gets older things will become easier.

Dof, not all women are the same. Not all women have the same childbirth experience, some women don't recover as quickly as others and for those women, sex hurts for a long time, if not forever. Some women experience PPD, which greatly affects their whole life, including the sexual desires. Hormones are out of whack. I don't know what OP wife's situation is, but to generalize and say that having a child shouldn't impact a couple's sex life at all and that he should end his marriage over not having enough sex is just irresponsible. Really? Bail on a woman and their child because he isn't having as much sex as he would like to? Hello, welcome to life! There is more to life than just sex! Frankly, while I usually agree with *some* of the things you say, I am shocked at some other things that come out of your keyboard!

You (like many women) fail to understand or care how men function. If anything, I think that's selfish.

Yes, of course not all women are the same (common sense).

For whatever it's worth. All of my kids were 9+ lbs, natural birth and my wife when thru HELL.

Sure, if it's not possible (there is pain etc) then you don't do it. BUT there is other ways to make sure your men is taking care off. it doesn't have to be intercourse.

A woman that neglects to satisfy their man in the area of the most basic relationship needs is a woman that is naive, ignorant and risking ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP/FAMILY.

Again, no intimacy = no love.

It's like a husband that doesn't meet womens needs. Doesn't spend time with them, tells them they love them, doesn't do intimate/none sexual things or cares for their children. It goes both ways.

Regardless, say what you want, Intimacy Negligence is probably one of the #1 causes of cheating and relationship downfalls. I know, it's not fair. Life isn't fair.

I'm a little surprised at your post Greta, you are 39 years old. NONE of this has anything to do with "all about sex" or anything you are making it out to be, I'm sorry, it's simply nature.

Also:

your son is still very young and can be quite the handful; once he gets older things will become easier.

THEIR son is as "handful" to HER as he is to HIM.

And no, things will not get easier as they get older, actually it will get harder and more challenging. And it's that much more important to focus on relationship NOW.

Relationship is CONSTANT and DAILY hard work. Your wife is slacking OP, BUT make sure you are not. Hard to expect her to perform when you are not. So when you do have this conversation with her, make sure you follow up and take action yourself. YOUR end has to be covered!

Woah!!! Sorry I think you guys may have misinterpreted my post.

My marriage is fine and I don't have a problem per se about how much sex we have, sure I would like to have more sex then what we currently have but that's just how it is at the moment, there are different priorities now, in fact the sex we do have now is sometimes better then the sex before child including doing things we had never tried before.

My problem is the sexual obsession I'm having over my wife and what I can do to get over it. It's relentless all day, every day fantasising about her and us having sex, everytime I know she is getting changed or having a shower I have to and get a look. I find her incredibly sexy which is obviously a good thing but it's driving me crazy. I've never felt like this before and don't know where to go from here.

Woah!!! Sorry I think you guys may have misinterpreted my post.

 

My marriage is fine and I don't have a problem per se about how much sex we have, sure I would like to have more sex then what we currently have but that's just how it is at the moment, there are different priorities now, in fact the sex we do have now is sometimes better then the sex before child including doing things we had never tried before.

 

My problem is the sexual obsession I'm having over my wife and what I can do to get over it. It's relentless all day, every day fantasising about her and us having sex, everytime I know she is getting changed or having a shower I have to and get a look. I find her incredibly sexy which is obviously a good thing but it's driving me crazy. I've never felt like this before and don't know where to go from here.

Normal, rub one out when you get the intense feeling (assuming your wife is not down). Problem solved.

Your first post did NOT seam like it was a little issue though. Hardly ever or 1-2 a month is not enough to sustain a relationship (to me anyways). That's negligence (again to me, to many folks that might be norm).

And even if you don't feel that it is a big deal......trust me, it is and will be in time. You might just not recognize it or know it.

Your love tank is depleted and empty. You will have tantrums like a 2 year old hehe

Normal, rub one out when you get the intense feeling (assuming your wife is not down).

That's the problem I am 2-3 times a day just to relieve the obsession for a few hours.

That's the problem I am 2-3 times a day just to relieve the obsession for a few hours.

Normal, I've been there (and we have no intimacy issues hehe).

Read my first reply.....your wife is being negligent, any way you cut it. Long term, it will steer you places YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO.

Think of it this way. If you were to quit your job and sit on your ass at home and do nothing. What would that be considered? Negligent correct? You would be a BAD father and your wife would most likely divorce you.

Currently, that is the case for your wife.

I will state it again. Intimate negligence is #1 cause of cheating and relationship downfall. I've seen and see WAY too many men remain, become miserable in such marriages. What happens long term is quite disturbing and NOT what a relationship should be.

You are WELL on your way (today).

Just make sure YOU are not being negligent in other ways> This is important.

That's the problem I am 2-3 times a day just to relieve the obsession for a few hours.

Then you may need to look into some professional help? Sexual addiction is a thing, and it can be addressed with the help of someone qualified.

How long have you noticed this decrease in her libido? You may need to discuss this more clearly and get to the root cause of her rejections.

we have a 2 year old son. I've told my wife but not exactly the extent of how bad it is and I get the feeling she thinks I'm making it up to guilt her into giving me more sex

Then you may need to look into some professional help? Sexual addiction is a thing, and it can be addressed with the help of someone qualified.

Human nature is a thing and it seems like you know very little about how men function.

I see nothing wrong or ANY sign of sexual addiction here.

Your first post did NOT seam like it was a little issue though. Hardly ever or 1-2 a month is not enough to sustain a relationship (to me anyways). That's negligence (again to me, to many folks that might be norm).

 

Ad even if you don't feel that it is a big deal......trust me, it is and will be in time. You might just not recognize it or know it.

 

Your love tank is depleted and empty. You will have tantrums like a 2 year old hehe

We have sex 2-4 times a month on average, sometimes more sometimes less. I have a full time job which takes me away from home for 12 hours a days as well so time is an issue as well.

What other relationship/communications do you have besides this?

I have a full time job which takes me away from home for 12 hours a days as well so time is an issue as well.

Then you may need to look into some professional help? Sexual addiction is a thing, and it can be addressed with the help of someone qualified.

I'm not addicted to sex, I'm addicted to my wife!!

We have sex 2-4 times a month on average, sometimes more sometimes less. I have a full time job which takes me away from home for 12 hours a days as well so time is an issue as well.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you just discovered an issue that is MUCH bigger than your sexual frequency (which to me, once a week is still not enough for you, clearly).

12 hour work days DO NOT leave you enough time to give your wife proper attention and time NOR to raise a child.

Focus on this......chances are, your wife values quality time. she probably gets little.....and is now neglecting YOUR love tank with lack of intimacy.

One of those "You show me no love and I show you none myself"

Read 5 love languages ASAP! And hand it to your wife when done!

I'm not addicted to sex, I'm addicted to my wife!!

You simply want to be loved (sex/intimacy = love to men). Don't forget that (ladies here as well).

Your drive is completely normal, as it should be.

Why do you think about this as a bad thing? I've had same desire for my ex,you can controll yourself so there should not be a problem.

About sex after pregnancy, there was good podcast about it on art of manliness,it was in that podcast about cheating if you want to search for it (I believe it was in 180 and something number).

Why do you think about this as a bad thing? I've had same desire for my ex,you can controll yourself so there should not be a problem.

 

About sex after pregnancy, there was good podcast about it on art of manliness,it was in that podcast about cheating if you want to search for it (I believe it was in 180 and something number).

Yes, many men resort to cheating if they don't get it at home (or if they don;'t get enough at home).

That IS what's on the line (for you ladies).

I don't recommend it and I think it's wrong for ANY men to do that. Settle your relationship first, work on it before you make it more complex with other women and kill your marriage.

As they say "if a man is not getting it at home, they WILL get it elsewhere (in time)". There is only so much sexual tension repression we can do before we explode (no matter how strong one might be).

If more women were to accept these things we are discussing here (and men have to play their part as well, don't get me wrong, we are NOT innocent) our divorce rates will be much lower.

Yes, many men resort to cheating if they don't get it at home (or if they don;'t get enough at home).

 

That IS what's on the line (for you ladies).

 

I don't recommend it and I think it's wrong for ANY men to do that. Settle your relationship first, work on it before you make it more complex with other women and kill your marriage.

 

As they say "if a man is not getting it at home, they WILL get it elsewhere (in time)". There is only so much sexual tension repression we can do before we explode (no matter how strong one might be).

 

If more women were to accept these things we are discussing here (and men have to play their part as well, don't get me wrong, we are NOT innocent) our divorce rates will be much lower.

I dont believe this, both men and women could cheat it depends on their personality, it turned out to be in that podcast because this girl was also doing research on that topic. Not necesarily connected to cheating, plus this guy probably wouldnt be happy if he had sex with person that is not his wife.

Believe it or not some men are considerate and will not jump on other girl at the first chance.

I'm not addicted to sex, I'm addicted to my wife!!

And that's a good thing! But if it starts to impact your life to the point where you seem to think about it continuously, it can become a problem. I may have misread your post though, maybe it doesn't affect you to the extent I thought it did.

Woah!!! Sorry I think you guys may have misinterpreted my post.

 

My marriage is fine and I don't have a problem per se about how much sex we have, sure I would like to have more sex then what we currently have but that's just how it is at the moment, there are different priorities now, in fact the sex we do have now is sometimes better then the sex before child including doing things we had never tried before.

 

My problem is the sexual obsession I'm having over my wife and what I can do to get over it. It's relentless all day, every day fantasising about her and us having sex, everytime I know she is getting changed or having a shower I have to and get a look. I find her incredibly sexy which is obviously a good thing but it's driving me crazy. I've never felt like this before and don't know where to go from here.

You know I got this from your first post and I knew what you were saying... and I envy you man! I've always feared that when/if I get married, a few years down the road do I still find her as sexy and attractive as she was the first day I fell in love with her?

If I found myself sexually obsessed with my wife of 9 years (or 5) I would be really thankful of her... for being my wife and for being such a lovable woman that I can't stop fantasizing over. Man, this is a gift!

I believe if you tell her this and support her mentally and physically with the newcomer, she will be turning down your offer less.

Every few days there's a thread about guys not getting enough because their wives are tired from the kids and get no help from them. And the guys taking matters in their own hands. Please reflect on Why this is happening not That it is happening.

I'm not addicted to sex

I dont believe this, both men and women could cheat it depends on their personality, it turned out to be in that podcast because this girl was also doing research on that topic. Not necesarily connected to cheating, plus this guy probably wouldnt be happy if he had sex with person that is not his wife.

 

Believe it or not some men are considerate and will not jump on other girl at the first chance.

Well of course, I know this, I'm that man

You know I got this from your first post and I knew what you were saying... and I envy you man! I've always feared that when/if I get married, a few years down the road do I still find her as sexy and attractive as she was the first day I fell in love with her?

If I found myself sexually obsessed with my wife of 9 years (or 5) I would be really thankful of her... for being my wife and for being such a lovable woman that I can't stop fantasizing over. Man, this is a gift!

I believe if you tell her this and support her mentally and physically with the newcomer, she will be turning down your offer less.

For whatever it's worth. 20 years of marriage and our sex life ONLY seems to get better with time.

Remember, the only stories you hear are the bad ones, thus the fear. No one ever brags about the positive/good stories but I'm here to tell you they exist and they are reality.

That's the problem I am 2-3 times a day just to relieve the obsession for a few hours.

I think you need to join a gym or something else that will take your mind off your unproductive hobby. If you don't stop fopping yourself to distraction, you're going to actually ruin the good sex life that you do have with your wife. it could happen, if you don't do things to distract yourself, that you won't be able to get off during sex because your wife's vagina won't give you the same friction that your hand does.

Not to offend but what you're going through almost sounds like a hyper-sexual period that many bi-polar people go through when they go off their meds. What, if anything do you do to distract yourself instead of caving to it?