I am tired.

I do not know what to write or say to describe my life or why I feel the way I feel. But I am really tired, now I am with a big headache too. I am tired of trying, I am tired of feeling alone and very little thing. I am trying to wake up, try to put my best smile, fight against the pain of many unfair situations and sad moments, and get again to this point in which I do not even know what I am going to do more to get to next day. I do not find solution neither escape to my situation. Just death could take this suffering away, but no even that is a solution. For those that do not believe that hell exit, hell is real. I truly do not know what I have done in my life to have to deal with so much. My last tried after find the world to big for me, after my illness, after finding all the doors close, was start writing stories, to help me improve my English and also to distract myself, to keep myself busy, my plan write someday when I get ready a book. Now he is telling me again that what I do is not worthy, that I make many grammatical mistakes, that no a single american will read me, and he put me again down there, where I have been many times before. What he see in me right? Why he does not want me to give me the divorce? I truly do not understand. I am tired dear friends, I am tired and almost crying again. Let me here at least a happy face, a little note, let me know that I am not alone, that you could have idea how i am feeling and why....I am so tired. Come for me, take me to a hospital or to a little house in some distant place, in which no one, no single person could hurt me never ever again...I am tired for him and for all the others that hurt me beyond words..I am tired of the bullies that destroyed even more my life. I am tired...I need to move to a peaceful place, my mind cannot deal with this anymore...

Alldaisies, you are still struggling, beyond belief and you can't see the light through the trees.

My heart aches for you it really does. What can I do to lift you from this pain, is there a word I can say that will help you see we are not all the same.

Christina

Girl you need a vacation! When I let my thoughts get so dark like that it's almost like a downhill spiral.. Every day you have to put one foot in front of the other! Try, and see the beauty all around you. Be patient, some days will be hard but always know there is tomorrow. And find your inner spirit and be grounded so nobody can affect u like this person is affecting u. Confide in somebody around u they may be more help than u know.

they destroyed my life and the life of a child....they destroyed our lives....

Only will they destroy you if you let them. Please don't let them win, you have fought For sooo! Long, don't give up now.

What can I do to help you?

Christina

Only will they destroy you if you let them. Please don't let them win, you have fought For sooo! Long, don't give up now.

 

What can I do to help you?

 

Christina

Thanks Christina, nothing that you can do for me more than writing me here and try to give me strength and a positive vibe. What is done is done, and what is left is left, no one could ever return to me all life took from me. There are not way possible. Maybe a miracle could change a little this life, but I do not wait for that.

I can't turn back the clock and change what they have done to you, or the long lasting pain you feel because of it. But the writing here I can do and I do understand exactly how you are feeling honestly I do. You are SOOO! Much stronger than you give yourself credit being and it shows in the fight you have had to still be here now.

Big hugs to you and sending strength, don't stop fighting and I will fight with you.

Christina

Hope you are OK alldaisies. Just checking in and praying you are OK.

Just another check in so you know I haven't forgotten you alldaisies.

The weather here in England has been lovely, up until today and it's now raining and cold. Typical for here. I hope your in a happier place, then when we last spoke.

Your friend

Christina x