She Calls After Almost 5 Months NC

SO for anyone who's read my posts.... I went out last night to get ice cream with a girl I met a week ago... the place was packed and for some reason I had some gut feeling I would run into my ex..... as I was in line I heard a ringtone that I have for my ex and thought it was girl behind me... yeah it wasn't my ex rang my phone.... idk how many times it rang cause it was loud.... no voicemail nothing no text

As much as it felt good to finally get a phone call rather then her game playing on facebook... I was ok not to call her back I just don't feel like dealing with any drama

I can imagine that this will progress since she has moved back home from schoool and maybe her new guy she was hanging with jetted too....

Is it worth picking up next time and being civil or just ignore ignore....

I dont trust her or what she says to even consider reconciling(she would have to move mountains)

Does silence say more or does being civil but happy and distant suit better?

Core of the issue: You have not disabled you from contact or blocked her for good.

Resolution: Do it, DO NOT reply

This 6557042]Is it worth picking up?Will interfere with this 6557042]I went out last night to get ice cream with a girl

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lol true....

I don't block people out of my cell for emergency reasons...always been that way but that method would certainly work

Who cares what your moves communnicate to her: "does silence say more..." is a thought pattern that you will be glad to abandon.

Replace it with

"what are my goals with this person?" does contact make your life better in any way? Do you gain in any way? My guess is no, you don't. Therefore, there is no reason for contact.

Who cares what your moves communnicate to her: "does silence say more..." is a thought pattern that you will be glad to abandon.

 

Replace it with

 

"what are my goals with this person?" does contact make your life better in any way? Do you gain in any way? My guess is no, you don't. Therefore, there is no reason for contact.

I like that theory as I tend to always act on impulse or do nothing.... that way seems to make you digest and really think if the juice is worth the squeeze

I am not a fan of blocking except when I can tell I am off my rocker in the short term -- not a fan because I want to make myself learn from the inside out, rather than have an external control govern my behavior. When I need it, I use blocking as a bridge to get me from reactionary to stable.

In this instance, you might want to blockk as a short term tool. The bigger trick is figuring out that you have nothing to gain, no goal to accomplish, and therefore no reason to call. If she needed you for something, she would text or maybe even leave vm. She didn't. Her call does not require a response, nor is a response in your best interests.

Therefore, do not engage.

I don't block people out of my cell for emergency reasons...always been that way but that method would certainly work

Emergency ehh?

Are you sure you are ready to date yet? Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are nowhere near it.....

Let professionals deal with emergencies. if you care NONE about your Ex (as you should), you would care less about ANY kind of emergency.

I say few more months of NC with EX and no opposite sex contact. You need to keep your head clear......not clouding your head with other people and sex. Not smart.

I am not a fan of blocking except when I can tell I am off my rocker in the short term -- not a fan because I want to make myself learn from the inside out, rather than have an external control govern my behavior. When I need it, I use blocking as a bridge to get me from reactionary to stable.

 

In this instance, you might want to blockk as a short term tool. The bigger trick is figuring out that you have nothing to gain, no goal to accomplish, and therefore no reason to call. If she needed you for something, she would text or maybe even leave vm. She didn't. Her call does not require a response, nor is a response in your best interests.

 

Therefore, do not engage.

I'm gonna have to disagree completely here.

People will always use and take an option that they have available. Take away that option and it no longer exists.

ESPECIALLY during the time where no contact is crucial. Often, just reading a text can take you back to day 1 of healing......

OP, you are on a fine line of resetting your healing (5 months time wasted) and also sabotaging yourself from finding new partner (cause you know darn well if this girl you were with seen a text from your Ex, and was smart, she would leave you by the curb.....)

Keep your ex where they belong, in the past/berried forever.

I agree.... and we actually discussed it.... shes really cool about it

This resetting your healing is such a dramatic overstatement.

I've screwed up and read texts, contacted the ex, Facebook stalked, all of it.

It hurt. But it NEVER got ANYWHERE close to day one healing.

I think blocking is dramatic and unnecessary. Just my opinion. I think it's a fine short term tool, but I honestly find it childish long term.

This resetting your healing is such a dramatic overstatement.

 

I've screwed up and read texts, contacted the ex, Facebook stalked, all of it.

 

It hurt. But it NEVER got ANYWHERE close to day one healing.

Well, doesn't that depend on how bad your day 1 healing was though?

I'm sorry to hear.

No, there is no reason to pick up next time. You are not in a relationship with her, and if you want to be able to have good relationships in the future, then there's no reason to be friends with her either. If she keeps calling, that is going to eventually be a problem for any other girl you want to date. So if she does keep calling, block her. What "emergency" could you possibly need her number for?

Dont pick up, I picked up after 3 months (after her calling me 10 times in a hour)and I regreted it.

She will work harder if she wants you back.

I am not a fan of blocking except when I can tell I am off my rocker in the short term -- not a fan because I want to make myself learn from the inside out, rather than have an external control govern my behavior. When I need it, I use blocking as a bridge to get me from reactionary to stable.

This is brilliant. I really relate to this. I'm currently in block mode, though if you've seen any of my posts you know it was a struggle to get there. But I can feel myself gradually transitioning from reactionary to more stable. It feels good. I knew I didn't want to stay blocked forever, and though I wasn't clear on why I knew it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. You've explained it perfectly. Thank you!

Block and ignore. If somehow she gets through a simple, "Yeah, don't call here again," then hanging up the phone should get the point across.

If the other guy jetted on her too bad, how is that your problem and why would you want someone else's seconds anyways.

Do not let exes hoover you back in through game-playing tactics. They either come to you straight in person and admit they messed up and ask for another chance--and gracefully accept it if you say no BTW--or you ignore them and don't reward them for their crappy behavior.

This is one of those instances where I've learned there is no middle ground.

P.S. Don't sweat it or think this now ruins whatever gains you've gotten. Pick yourself up, get back on the horse, keep going. Addicts fall off the wagon all the time, but if they're serious about wanting to keep moving on they do the same thing, so just do it.

You're never as bad off as that first day of a breakup provided you don't give the ex the power to keep jerking you around. Not answering a phone call doesn't quality. Answering the phone call, racing to her side, letting her use you, then not hearing from her again? Yeah, that would be worse but that's not what happened here.

Keep her out of sight out of mind! How you do that? By blocking all forms of communication with her she is your past and an ex for a reason. Shut that proverbial door on her and lock it for good.

Lisa

So last Sunday... 5 days after I got the missed call.... a friend of mine(who happens to be married to her older sister) ran into her mom and she asked how I was doing ---- my friend told her I am doing great etc.... the mom says "I think "XXXX" really misses him" ............... my friend said well I guess if she handled things differently things would be different .....mom said nothing else..... now 4 months ago( a month after we broke up) when she asked how I was and he said I think he's still trying to figure out what went on with your daughter..... the mom told him " oh they are too far apart in age etc.

Funny how her tune changes

I have still kept NC..... some days suck some are OK

As a person who tried like crazy to communicate with my ex for over a month, I can tell you that when he blocked me (yeah, I was THAT girl) I was devastated but I got the point. If you are really, truly set on being over her then give her that message. If not, and if you deep down want to hear from her because you are happy that she still cares because you do too, then just make contact. The game playing is exhausting.

As a person who tried like crazy to communicate with my ex for over a month, I can tell you that when he blocked me (yeah, I was THAT girl) I was devastated but I got the point. If you are really, truly set on being over her then give her that message. If not, and if you deep down want to hear from her because you are happy that she still cares because you do too, then just make contact. The game playing is exhausting.

I will be totally honest.... Do I want her to reach out and apologize or say she misses me etc.... of course...most people cannot admit that.... DO I want to be with her? I dont think I could ever trust her (she's young and needs to find her self and live life a little too) But I will not fall victim to breadcrumbs shes been throwing. If she wants to talk she needs to make an effort not just missed phone calls no messages or texts I am not a game player I just refuse to put myself back into a position where I am wide open to get played again

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I love how you analyze it Wiseman2 hahahaha very precise

I think the weirdest thing here is that you're 37 and she just turned 23. You started talking when she was about 20 and you were about 34. What the heck?!

I am sorry to say but I think you need to grow up. You started a relationship with someone who was not only too young but was still involved with her ex. And you had an unhealthy relationship for a year and a half.

Just be done with this girl. Block her. You are not her dad and unless you are the only physician in a 50 mile radius, she has no emergency related reason she needs you over her family.

Please for the love of Pete date women closer to your age. I cannot for the life of me imagine dating someone in their early 20s. At that age I was all over the map. No young tail is that hot.