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Having a tough night emotionally. Father of three...have custody...getting to end of the school year...been divorced for a little while now....been doing this by myself even longer with family helping some. Tonight I just want the kids in bed so I can cry. Whether that makes me less of a man I don't know...kids sports are over at school now we've got summer stuff cranking up.

 

I had a wonderful in my life last year that isn't around anymore...I miss her. Shouldn't have let myself fall for her. I knew my kids were too much.

 

I'm so mad at the world right now. Feel so overwhelmed tonight.

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Hey adviceplease2, sorry to hear life is overwhelming right now. You sound like a very caring dad. Stay strong! Is there anyone you can talk to there? Maybe a trusted friend or family member. I know it can be hard to admit you're having a hard time but it's no fun to walk this road alone. If you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone there, I know Focus on the Family has counselors you can talk to free of charge (855-382-5433). It might be worth giving them a call. You are no less of a man for wanting to cry... only more of a man because you're willing to be real. If you have a few minutes look up the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North... I think you'll find it encouraging.

 

Praying for you tonight! Hang in there.

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Single dad, I'm a single mom, two kids. Kids are in their teens now. There were times when I would shake with anxiety, when I would consider giving in to their dad on matters that would have been to kids disadvantage. It was hard when it was hard, like no light at end of the tunnel. I had a man friend who loved me; I loved him too but would never choose him now. I was codependent then, because I was deeply afraid of failing at my life.

 

Now, some 10 years later, my kids are extraordinary. We are a team. Their dad compliments me on their development, now.

 

Some things that helped: I decided we needed each other, kids and i. From early age, I taught them to manage themselves. I forced myself to find the upside to them of having just me as an active parent, of them not having a helicopter, sometimes, not even anyone. They are extraordinary: responsible, limitless, loving, trusting. I do not keep a house the way I used to. I learned to tell myou friends what I need, "please tell me how I can show up. I. Not good at sustained energy but I want to show up when I can."

 

Years when I had a back up housing plan in case I were homeless with two kids. Years when I had sex that was more reckless than it ought to have been. Lots of commitment. Lots of faith. Lots of tears.

 

And now. Beautiful, amazing, jaw dropping, loving, thriving kids.

 

What you are doing matters. They see your effort and that is what matters. Have self respect, teach them to communicate with each other respectfully. See their anger as pain and hold them. See their energy as love and ignore the mess - and teach them to clean it.

 

What you are doing matters.

 

I will say this to you as often as it helps.

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Thank you single mom. That was incredible to read...thank you.

 

I have been working with them the last few months on being more self sufficient. Ive had to. My oldest seems to be getting it pretty well. Middle one some to. Youngest one....very sporadic lol.

 

Their teachers love them. Theyve each told me. Whether that was teacher speak or real...I took it as real. And their mother even recently told me she knows they are taken care of and have what they need with me.

 

Gets frustrating a lot though as you know. And yes, there are those times you want to give in even its to the detriment of the kids....because it gets so overwhelming.

 

Thank you for that amazing message.

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You're welcome. Hope the song was encouraging. I know music has helped me through some of my hard times... it's not a fix all but it sure does help having a song that says things I don't know how to say in the moment. You are worth being cared for and listened too. Having troubles doesn't mean you're a burden... it means you're human. Don't rob your friends and family the opportunity of speaking into your situation and offering a helping hand.

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There is a book on single parenting by Dr. Kevin Leman called "Single Parenting that Works!" It is written from a Christian perspective but the author whose other books I've read are really good.

 

If you google single parenting there are a lot of sites there that can give you some good advice.

 

Maybe try to look up single parenting groups in your area. Maybe you could find one through other parents.

 

My heart goes out to you. If I could I'd give you a hug.

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I think being a single parent is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The hardest times for me are when my son is with his dad and I just want to break down with how lonely I am, wondering if my son misses me, and wishing I had someone to share it with. And forget trying to meet someone without kids, I find myself now only attracted to single dads who know the struggle of single parenting and who have their priorities in order...I just wanted to say you're not alone.

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I think being a single parent is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

I can only imagine, I'm glad I'm not in your situation. I just wish it was a lot more difficult so people would be far less encouraged to choose that lifestyle for themselves. It's bad for kids it's bad for the single parents involved, it's bad for society. There is little good that can be said about single parenthood yet we glorify it.

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It's hardly glorified. People snub their noses at single parents often, making assumptions that they're draining those precious tax dollars, their children are going to be criminals, the kids will fail in school, etc. Child is still in diapers, but they're doomed naturally.

 

I'm personally sick of those running assumptions and sick of people who think that way. That's what has or will make it into a systemic issue. Set single parents up to fail, and many will.

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Lukeb...I appreciate your candor on the subject of single parenting. I too am glad you are not a single parent, you'd obviously have to hate yourself, at least insult yourself on a daily basis. I mean, being such a detriment to children and a drain on society would take its toll on any psyche.

 

I do agree it's not the best or most ideal situation for any child. But it's better than being in a loveless home full of resentment and disrespect and disgust.

 

I do think your statement was myopic and insulting to people that you've apparently stereotyped, but hey, everyone is entitled to their opinions.

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And that's why people lifting up single parents gets misconstrued as 'glorifying'. Combating those thoughts and expectations from society with an anecdote. Telling people no, it is not the worst thing that can happen to you. No, it is not horrible. Yes, it is preferable to a home filled with loveless parents, abuse, etc. It isn't a nuclear family but it's still your family, it's still a family, and it's no less as such than any other one. You can do it, you will do it, because those are your babies. And that's that.

 

What's the other option? Resent your life for not being the ideal or the norm and spread that negativity onto your children? I don't think so.

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